The Cannon Canon

GRAB SOME BUTTERMILK AND HEAD TO THE BEACH, BOY-O! Well it's spring break brah and the Cannon Bros need to take a little bit of a sabbatical. Rest up. Go watch a marathon of "Porky's", "Porky's Revenge", "Hardbodies" and "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" a thousand times in a row. So enjoy this little minisode as the Cannon Bros prepare for the next burst of Cannon film greatness (not t...

When you think Aladdin, you DEFINITELY think...Miami, Florida? It's truly a Cannon update on a classic tale! We're talkin' 1986's ALADDIN/SUPERFANTAGENIO ! Bruno Corbucci brings you the tale of the great Bud Spencer sleeping his way through a performance as The Genie! And in case you didn't know, he even has a cap to remind you ! It's Italian cinema meets Cannon. The kid's name is Al Haddin for cr...

"Gosh, you’re so beautiful". It's the Cannon Hercules sequel that SHOULD have been! Just in time for the 33rd anniversary of its US release, we're talkin' 1989's Sinbad of the Seven Seas ! We're back in Cozzi/Coates land and baby is it a fun ride. Metal AF imagery,  accredited magicians, cool fights, great creatures, sexy bods, clone fights and LASERS! Ferrigno could have been Cannon's Schwar...

"Feeling a little inadequate?" On this edition of "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON" the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) talk 1995's comic to screen adaptation TANK GIRL ! Picked by Patreon member and honorary Ripper Tony Farina! Frank and Geoff are at odds on this VERY 90's film. Grab a bottle of water siphoned from a human body and crank this like an L7 track! Pa pa pa POW!  OUR PATREON: patreon.com/th...

INSERT SNARKY "FUNNY" LINE HERE! Because we have a lot of them to get through in the 1992 "action" "Comedy" "Celebration of American CIA puppet governments" Cannon classic, " Fifty/Fifty ". Open up a pack of Bing Bongs with the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as they discuss Peter Weller and Robert Hays just trying their best in this mess of a movie. Going through the complicated production history,...

STEAK FRIES ARE DISGUSTING! Even without a finger in them. This is just ONE of the many bold statements made by The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as they discuss the 1986 HBO/Cannon video creepy as hell classic "The Hitcher" ! And they get DEEP into what makes this the most stressful movie...ever? Rutger Hauer's amazing yet super damp performance! C. Thomas Howell's terrible movie choices the same...

CANNON. COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON! That's right, it's time for another "COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON" ! And today's movie was chosen by our debonair Patreon member of danger and romance, Michael Bagford. The movie? The Irvin Kershner directed James Bond film, NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN ! A Bond movie that's not quite a Bond movie because of complicated rights? It's the return (and final performance) of Sean Con...

GONNA SET THE NIGHT ON FIRE!!! LAMBADA! Yep, that's right. Today the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are dipping our toes in the double shot of 1990's " LAMBADA !" Our second movie in the row about the Lambada. Does it feel like we've said the word Lambada a lot? Well, so will you when you're singing the soundtrack to yourself weeks after you listen. Because even though there's surprisingly not a lo...

THIS PODCAST IS DEDICATED TO THE PRESERVATION OF THE RAINFOREST! LAMBADA! Well the Cannon Boys are back in town and Frank and Geoff are showing off their thongs and solving all of the world's problems by watching the 1990 Lambada classic " The Forbidden Dance ". That's right, we're going to finally dance into the two competing Lambada movies which signaled the true end of Golan and Globus . W...

YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK AND BAKE! But you should listen to our latest episode. Cannon Bro Geoff is left alone in Cannon HQ so he called in a special guest co-host, John Murray, to talk about the 1986 Arnold Schwarzenegger classic "RAW DEAL". Now it might just be an HBO/Cannon video distribution title, but it is truly PURE CANNON! The constant tone shifts, the cribbing from Arnold's other movies, the s...

GRAB A SLICE AND A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND CATCH A FLICK! WITH US!!! THE CANNON BROS(Geoff and Frank). We are releasing from behind the paywall of our Patreon, our full commentary episode on the 1986 Cannon/Stallone classic "Cobra". If it is your favorite Cannon or just in your top 5, you gotta listen. These episodes are very fun to do, you can watch along or just listen to us snort and chuckle with...

GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!! Is for some reason the line we have all held onto vs the literally HUNDREDS of fantastic one-liners in the 1987 stone-cold classic " PREDATOR "! Look The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) basically admit it...t his one was for us . It might as well be called " CANT'VE Been a Cannon " because it is just TOO damn good. But it's been a hell of a year and we needed to treat ourselves...

THAT THING IS GOING TO WORK! I GUARANTEE YOU THIS! Well...it's a promise maybe unfulfilled in the 1984 "Classic" "Erotic" "Film" " BOLERO " starring Bo Derek. And this week the Cannon Bros are joined by our wonderful guest, Kelly Hudson ( What Are You Into? podcast, Tond ) to figure out the answers to all of our burning questions. Is this movie erotic? Is Milk and Honey belly licking sexy?  W...

WE SHALL BE THE DEVIL ON YOUR BACK! The Cannon Bros and Donald Pleasance, of course. We're talkin' 1989's Michael Dudikoff (almost Robert McGinty and Christopher Walken) mish-mash of a movie " River Of Death "! This movie has more stars and more plot/tone shifts than you can shake a stick at. It's every movie all at once. It has "jokes". It has a horny Donald Pleasance. It has a plot right out of...

THIS MOVIE IS PURE COCAINE! That's right. We are in our " COULD'VE Been A Cannon" Series and still trying to come down from the high that is 1990's " PREDATOR 2 ". The movie that said "it's a franchise now and yes we planned out this mythology, DON'T QUESTION US!!!" Is it wilder that we haven't covered "Predator" yet OR how "Predator 2" was the right first choice because it is SO Cannon. Thank you...

"I. am. Eeeeeviiiiillll!" Happy New Year! Crank up Shadow and join Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as we do commentary (or watch along, whatever you want to call it, nerds) to our favorite underrated Cannon horror gem, NEW YEAR'S EVIL ! Hope your 2022 is more of an "American Ninja 2" than a "Pirates"! Enjoy, Cannon Canon heads! And remember...."All that don't mean doodly-dee squat. When a girl doesn...

Ninjas, Gods, Aliens, Female Special Ops Groups, Living and Undead Rock Stars & Cops, Dystopian Futures, Italians, Rocket Truck Texas Rangers and Vigilantes Galore! 2021 was quite the year for The Cannon Canon ! In this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) pick their 5 favorite Cannon films covered on The Cannon Canon this past year. And for good measure, we throw in a couple of favori...

"Don't let me die alone!!!" Picked by our Patreon members, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dip our toes back in the scuzzy waters of Michael Winner with 1983's T HE WICKED LADY ! A movie the Cannon Bros are very conflicted about (but passes the "Pluto TV" test). In this episode, we talk about how much the "Razzies" suck, how the movie benefits from Faye Dunaway's gloriously unhinged and elated p...

ONLY A NINJA CAN STOP A NINJA! That's right, we're talkin' about the 1983 Shô Kosugi Cannon essential REVENGE OF THE NINJA ! And joining us is a ninja in his own right, Brian Wecht ( Ninja Sex Party , Leighton Night , and Go Banana Go! ) !  We gush about the amazing Shô and the introduction of his stylish and kickass son Kane, Firstenberg’s brilliance, tennis court deathmatches, and of course...

NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN! HO....HO.....HO....and Jingle All the Way. Cannon Bro Geoff has gone rogue this week and decided to have a roundtable discussion about HOLIDAY ACTION MOVIES! Geoff is joined by good friend and fellow movie addict JOHN MURRAY(30 Rock, The Bosscast, John and Geoff Are Married) and we go deep. That's right....we gotta talk about the movies we want to watch this season when w...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! This is a very special episode of The Cannon Canon. A full commentary/watchalong episode of us watching "American Ninja". Are you feeling sick of your family and want to watch a movie with someone but don't want to talk and just have us yell jokes and praise at you while we all marvel at how great Michael Dudikoff and Steve James are together? Then this is the perfect treat for you...

Pop a Pearl beer, get in your rocket truck and dump it on your head because we have a good one for you. This might be a COULD'VE Been A Cannon but the 1983 Chuck Norris vehicle "Lone Wolf McQuade" MIGHT be the most Cannon film we have ever watched. And it was picked by one of our amazing Patreon members so even better. If you are like the Cannon Bros, this "modern take on a spaghetti western" migh...

We’re still ridin' in the loophole of another HBO/Cannon Home Video European VHS release with the Ridley Scott Adventure Fantasy " LEGEND "! And joining us is the velvet voice of Ryan Patterson ( Coliseum , Fotocrime , Cat Magic Punks , Shirt Killer ) , who lives in the middle of high art and low art and is right at home on The Cannon Canon. "Legend" is formative and a favorite for Frank, but does...

OK. STAY WITH US...We found a lil’ loophole and TECHNICALLY this movie's home release was distributed by HBO/Cannon video (in Europe) . We know we’re stretching the rules here, but do you REALLY care? Hey, it’s a quirky choice, much like THIS movie, 1984’s The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension ! We discuss the magic of getting something insane greenlit and how it's impossible...

EVIL DIES TONIGHT! Here's a lil' treat this Halloween from the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff)! Fitting into our COULD'VE BEEN A CANNON category, we talk about HALLOWEEN KILLS . It's the latest installment in our favorite horror franchise and we have a LOT to say.  We talk about how it compares to Halloween (2018), which we enjoyed and how when reading online criticisms to consider people's t...