The Bible in Fewer Words

This is one of the Bible's best-known and most-loved stories. It's also a bit on the boring side. But don't blame us, we didn't write it. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

In the previous episode, God rejected Saul as king because he failed to commit complete genocide on the Amalekites. Now, God finds someone who would be more than willing to do something like that - David. So God chose David, Samuel anointed him, and the spirit of God came upon David from that day forward. Meanwhile, God's spirit departed from Saul and an evil spirit from God troubled him. And...

This is an episode that everyone should know about. In it, God commands Saul to kill every man, woman, child, infant, baby, and animal among the Amalekites. And Saul sends an army of 210,000 to do that. They kill everyone - except for the king (Agag) and a some of the animals to sacrifice to God. But God was angry at Saul for committing incomplete genocide on the Amalekites. And for that reason, G...

In this episode, God helps Jonathan slaughter some uncircumcised Philistines, and Jonathan is nearly killed by his father for eating a little honey. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

The Spirit of God came upon Saul, and he took two oxen and hacked them to pieces, sending the pieces throughout Israel. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

The Israelites demand a king, so God and Samuel provide one: Saul, the best-looking guy in Israel and a foot taller than everyone else. After God selected Saul, he was selected again, by lot this time - which is the Bible preferred way of choosing things. But when Saul's lot came up, no one could find him, so God had to tell them where he was, saying: "He's hiding among the stuff.&quo...

To punish the Philistines for stealing the ark of the covenant, God plagued them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts. Then, when the ark is returned to the Israelites, God kills 50,070 for looking in the ark. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

After the Israelites are defeated by the Philistines, they decide to get the ark of the covenant before trying to fight them again. But the ark didn't help, and another 30,000 of their soldiers were killed. During the battle, the Philistines stole the ark and killed Eli's sons, Hophni and Phinehas. Eli dies when he hears that the ark was stolen, and Phinehas's wife dies while deliverin...

Samuel's father had two wives. His mother was barren until God opened her womb so she could have Samuel. There was an old priest named Eli who had two sons who had sex with women at the door of the tabernacle. God visited the boy Samuel to tell him the awful things he planned to do to Eli and his sons. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, conside...

Most people when reading the book of Ruth must think something like this: "This is a nice story. What's it doing in the Bible?" And it is a nice story. A young woman (Ruth) seduces an older, rich relative (Boaz) by sneaking into his bed while he slept. Her mother (Naomi) told her just how to do it, too. Wait until he is sufficiently drunk and then "uncover his feet." The scheme worked, Boaz marrie...

In the previous episode, the tribe of Benjamin was slaughtered by the other tribes after receiving the concubine body part message. But 600 Benjaminite men survived. The other tribes swore they wouldn't let their daughters marry them, so they had to find them wives in some other way. The book of Judges ends in this episode with the effort to find wives for the surviving Benjaminite men. The text a...

This episode begins with everyone in Israel assembling before the Lord after receiving a rotting body-part message in the mail. They ask God (and the 450 year-old Phinehas) what to do and he tells them to fight against the tribe of Benjamín (where the incident about the Levite's concubine occurred). So they do that, and kill every Benjaminite man, woman, child, and baby - except for 600 men who so...

This episode presents what may be the most disgusting story in all literature, the rape and mutilation of the Levite's concubine. It also one that is used against LGBTQ+ people. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

In this episode, the tribe of Dan is looking for a place to live. They discover a land where people are living peaceful, carefree, and contented lives. So they send 600 soldiers to kill all the people, burn the city, and take their land. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

This episode includes the famous story about Samson and Delilah. It begins with Samson having sex with a harlot and ends with him killing 3000 people in a suicide terrorist attack. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

This is an action-packed episode. Here are the highlights: It begins with Samson bringing a goat to pay for sex with his Philistine wife, only to be told by her father that he had given her to his best man because he thought Samson hated her. Then Samson catches 300 foxes, ties their tails together, lights them on fire, and lets them loose on the Philistines' crops. The Philistines respond by...

This episode introduces us to Samson. He had a miraculous birth, was a Nazarite from the womb, married a Philistine woman, and killed things when the spirit of the Lord came upon him. (First a lion with his bare hands, and then thirty men for their clothes.) Oh, and he made up a riddle that made no sense. (That's why he had to kill the thirty men for their clothes.) The text and notes for this epi...

A civil war breaks out in this episode because one tribe of Israelites (Ephraim) wasn't invited to participate in the slaughter of the Ammonites in the previous episode. In the end, 42,000 Ephraimites were killed for mispronouncing the word "Shibboleth". The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

In this episode, the spirit of the Lord comes upon Jephthah and he promises to sacrifice to God as a burnt offering whatever comes out to greet him when he returns from slaughtering the Ammonites. God delivered the Ammonites into his hand, and he smote twenty of their cities in a very great slaughter. When he returned home after the slaughter, his daughter came out to greet him. And he did to her...

In this episode, Gideon's son, Abimelech, kills seventy of this brothers on a single stone. But his youngest brother, Jotham, got away and makes a speech about talking trees. Then Abimelech burns 1000 people to death (Because of God's evil spirit), and is killed by a woman who drops a millstone in his head. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts...

In this episode, Gideon tortures 77 men thorns and briars, destroys a tower, kills all the men in a city, orders his son to kill two kings, and then makes a 20 kg gold ephod (from the earrings of dead Midianites) that everyone in Israel went whoring after. Then he dies, leaving 70 sons to fight about who will replace him as judge of Israel. No wonder the Gideon's named their Bible after him. T...

This episode tells the story that inspired the Gideon's to create their famous Bible. It's my favorite Bible story - and I don't want to spoil it for you here. So you'll just have to listen to the podcast! The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW .

This episode introduces Gideon, you know - the guy the Bible is named after. It begins, as all stories do in the Book of Judges: The Israelites do evil in the sight of the Lord, the Lord sells them to their enemies, the Israelites cry out to God, and God sends a deliverer - in this case Gideon. But Gideon wasn't sure he could trust God, so he had a few tests for him. And God passed them all, n...

The main characters in this episode are both women. Deborah is a prophetess, judge, and military leader - whose captain (Barak) refuses to go to war without her. And Jael shelters the enemy's captain (Sisera) - and then drives a tent stake through his head. For this act she is blessed among women. The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider sup...

This episode features a left-handed judge named Ehud who delivers a message from God by embedding an 18-inch sword into a fat king's belly. And another judge, Shamgar, who kills 600 Philistines with an ox goad. Where else but the Bible will you find stories like that? The text and notes for this episode can be found here . If you enjoy these podcasts, consider supporting us at Patreon.com/BFW...