The Best of You

On today’s episode of The Best of You podcast, I’m talking with the wonderful and wise Toni Collier who shares bravely about finding herself stuck in the performance trap, and how she clawed her way out. Toni's capability & high capacity helped her survive, but she also wound up exhausted, broken, and numbing. As Toni says, “I had a source, which is God, but the resources I did not have.” And she...

We’re kicking off a new series on The Best of You Podcast as we move into the last 2 months of the year. How do you shift from managing the perceptions of others to showing up more authentically? In today’s episode, I cover the 7 ways we tend to manage perceptions and why it doesn’t get us the real connections we crave. I also walk you through an exercise you can do NOW (as in, before the holiday...

This week on The Best of You podcast, we're getting into how to say No to toxic behaviors—including practical strategies, scripts, and misconstrued bible passages. There’s no one-size fits all when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. A strategy that might work in a healthy releationship won't work with toxicity. It's important to understand the difference. This is a packed episode. Here’s what...

This week and next week on The Best of You podcast, we're getting into 3 types of "No"—including practical strategies, and scripts, for how to say No in different situations.  First up is how to say no in healthy relationships. This episode is for you if you struggle to set a boundary, state a preference, or honor your own limits **even with people you know would respect you if you did.** It's har...

Today on The Best of You podcast, we’re diving into how to discern toxic vs. healthy patterns of behavior. There is no one-size fits all when it comes to setting healthy boundaries. It requires discernment and wisdom; strategy and skill. I discuss what I call the Spectrum of Toxicity and the topic of evil (a topic so many of you have asked me about!) Here’s what we cover: 1. What is toxicity? How...

Today on the podcast, we're diving into this question I keep bumping up against: Am I wounded or am I a sinner? On one hand we go to church, and we’re told you're sinful; you need to repent, you need to die to yourself. On the other hand, we go to therapy, and we're told you're wounded; you've had trauma. You need to heal, so you can become more of your true self. So which one is it? In today's po...

On this week’s podcast we’re talking all about building trust with yourself. This *internal* work is so important to the work of setting healthy external boundaries. I share with you an example from my own life and walk you through a process of connecting more deeply to what’s actually happening inside of you. As you connect more deeply to yourself, the boundaries you set with others will flow fro...

Today on The Best of You podcast, we're starting a new series on Boundaries and the Bible. And we're starting with what I call the Yes Side of No. So many of us struggle with setting external boundaries because we keep the focus on the other person. But the work of setting boundaries starts inside of you. In today's episode, I walk you through how to build to trust with yourself from the inside ou...

Sometimes living at peace with other people, means living at peace with disappointing them. It’s incredibly important to balance your responsibility to other people with a deep sense of responsibility to your God-given self. It’s not only good for you. It’s good for other people.    Living at peace with yourself is a process of figuring out that balance. Here's what we cover in today's podcast epi...

At the exact moment I began to bring The Best of You to life, I encountered a  trauma that would literally knock me off my feet, forcing me to test everything I hoped to write about. This week is the 2-year anniversary of that trauma. It’s unbelievable to me that this book is coming out next week on 9/13.    In today’s episode, I read this very personal story from the introduction of The Best of Y...

This week on the podcast, we’re talking about selfhood. Many of us have been taught that "self" is bad. But there’s a big difference between selfhood and selfishness. Furthermore being selfless is not always the right choice. Reclaiming a healthy sense of self is not opposed to faith. In fact, learning to honor yourself goes hand-in-hand with honoring the One who made you. I get personal this week...

Today’s podcast episode is all about church hurt. A church is a family—at its best it’s a place to learn about God, a place to heal, and a place to give & receive in community. But just like any family, when leadership turns toxic the results are devastating. You have so many questions for me about the pain that comes at the hands of a church family. I enter into today’s episode with a spirit of r...

Today’s podcast episode is one of your top requests: it’s all about attachment. Be sure to listen to the end for my thoughts on how attachment wounds impact our human relationships and our experience of a loving God. Here’s what we discuss: 1. Why I think we’re not just one attachment style 2. What are 4 different attachment styles? 3. Can your attachment style change? 4. The key ingredient that c...

Today’s podcast episode is packed. Phew! You wanted to talk CPTSD (or complex trauma) so that’s where we’re going, with a side note on trauma & faith communities and some thoughts on what it *really* means to find safety in other people. 1. What is CPTSD?  2. What are the symptoms of CPTSD?  3. How does it impact healthy self-trust & an experience of safety in other people?  4. Why I don’t believe...

Psychology Buzzwords are back, only this time you picked the topics! This week we're focusing on the 4 Fear Responses, often called Survival Responses or Trauma Responses, with a special look at the Fawn Response. 1. What are 4 common fear responses?  2. What is the freeze response?  3. What is disassociation?  4. How are these responses helpful?  5. What is this Fawn Response?  6. What are the hi...

This week on the podcast, I’m answering 3 of your questions! All of these questions relate to dealing with our parents as adults: 1. How do you cope with an internal critical voice that came from a parent? 2. What is the next step after recognizing that my parents were narcissistic? 3. Am I disrespecting my parents when I set boundaries with them? I discuss: —What is an inner critic? —How do we re...

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward. She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering...

If you struggle with body image or how to make wise decisions on behalf of what you *actually* want out of your life, please do not miss this episode. Christy Meeks provides such grounded, thoughtful, and focused insight into how she overcame the pain of weaponizing her body and learned to work with her body as a beautiful and unique gift. She is a wife, a mom of 5 children, and a body image coach...

This podcast is a gold mine of rich, hopeful nuggets for anyone who has struggled to overcome limiting beliefs. My guest, Mary Marantz, is so gentle and thoughtful and wise as she reflects on the challenges of her childhood and the life she went on to create. It’s a beautiful tribute to the power of “both—and.”   We discuss these topics and more:   1. Different types of poverty  2. How the message...

This conversation is an absolute gift. Bianca is a powerhouse of wisdom who talks honestly about the hidden pain that both motivated her and almost got the best of her. She shares about the moment she passed out on her dorm room floor from carrying so much hidden pain—and how she began to face the fears that drove her.    You do not want to miss her encouragement for listeners with mother or fathe...

We are launching a new series on the podcast this week: Real People Overcoming Real Problems!  You do not want to miss this very first episode with author, speaker, podcaster, and new friend of mine, Ashley Abercrombie who shares with me her story of overcoming addiction and learning to ask for help.   Ashley speaks candidly about the pain in her life, how she tried to numb it, and the divide that...

The #1 question I get asked about is how to set boundaries.   They are so important and so powerful, and yet they are so hard to set.  We dive into the power of boundaries in this episode and I guide you through a real time exercise on taking that first step no matter what you are facing.   1. Why is it so hard to set boundaries?  2. What is the primary purpose of boundaries?  3. What 2 skills doe...

What is this “inner child” we see everywhere? Do I really have one? Is this just woo-woo psychology or is there science behind it? Why does it matter? We’ll get into all of this today, including the power of memory in shaping who you are.   Here’s what we’ll discuss:   1. What is an inner child and do I really have one?  2. Is there any science behind it?  3. What is an internal family?  4. Who is...

Do you get so consumed with the needs of others, that you lose sight of your own?  Do you struggle with focusing on caring for yourself?   There's no shame in codependency—I've struggled with it for years. And I believe nearly everyone struggles with it on some level. Learn the surprising antidote to codependency and how to take steps toward healthy dependence.   1. What is codependency?  2. What’...

Trauma is a bigger player in our lives than you might think. It's the unacknowledged guest at every gathering of humans.  And if we could learn to understand it better, we'd create a kinder, more compassionate world.    In today's episode we discuss trauma:      1. What is trauma?      2. What are Big T and little T traumas?      3. How does trauma impact your relationship to yourself, others and...