The Attic Breakdown

Jordan’s fixed mindset, jubilee holographs, thoughts on the founding fathers, and don’t say “we”.  Hungry rescue rats, the power of “unsend”, unpopular cheerleader opinions, and also Aquaman is the worst.

Henrietta meow cat, MTG’s peach tree meat, and heat strokes + tequila shots.  Who’s smart,  a randy bang, seasonal babies,  and also a lesson on dung. 

Birthday apathy, memory lapses, new shoe alert, and is Danielle’s back on the juice? Drain the swamp, multiple choice monkeypox, and also my parents’ parents are my grandparents.

Sock-slip, baby haze, catch phrase confusion, and fat shaming tweakers. Blue laws, coffin knocks, pink medicine, and also a VERY vocal Brad Pitt.

Delivery day, wilderness cooking, tv binge, and tots running errands. Team mega pint, 2 Target carts, crypto confusion, and also grocery store stamps.

Leg spikes, Jordan’s annoyance, giggly weed, and peptide boosters. Chokey Dum-Dums, dental danger, insecurity flare-ups, and also a jump roping sister.

Man curves, full nudal frontity, and name that bodily fluid?  Early-late 30’s, pub funerals, surgical magnet blob, and also Jordan and Angela share a cry.

Precarious sandwiches, frosting hits, constipated debates, and a cranky uterus. Paralyzing darkness, a rabid fox, bitchy bookends, and also blowhole skylights. 

Staple angle, flamingo 492, feminine juniors, and new oceans. Abdominal shark hand, tractors & kimchi, and also rando granny casseroles.

Tornado tales, toenail real estate, and creepy whistles. Who’s a fella, wilderness burial, and also basketball for dummies.

The 5th degree, abominable twins, and fertile road kill. Reversed sex, liquid vision, mushroom coffins, and also Dropout Dolly.

Toilet paper panic, time management issues, and Jordan’s coddled anus. Trinity River Acquisition, Soviet show cats, cranky eyes, and also the business of church.

Curbside coffee returns, sturdy water jugs, and what’s that chainsaw for? Botched baptisms, hot for Halle Berry, backyard crypts, and also how do trees work?  

Panning for gold, microphone microbes, and a darker Saget saga. Peanut butter people, soggy tacos, hung up on hangers, and also a master class in hydrodynamics.

Space burials, Jordan’s flowy gown, bodiless heads, and a mannequin romance. Hip-Hop interrogation, wing sweats, ValentiMes Day proposals, and also how many “F’s” does it take to make an “E”?

Morning show realization, underage death talks, and muting the vent-a-hood. Eloquent Colbert, Cuban for President, beautiful garbage, and also let's all sing for the gold!

Wordle faux pas, patinaed  knives, clop-clip, and re-brand cutoff. Fitness stink eye, under-appreciated bridges, Kirk & Al squared, and also dying…twice.

The fight, Ukrainian confusion, Lithuania Airlines, the misuse of “also”, and no one knows war profits like Danielle. Angela’s creepy bulletin board, unplugging Christmas, fatty blood, 7 men in a cave, and also, how to muzzle a shouting bellybutton.

Ordering etiquette, sober birthdays, concert poultry, and toxic positivity. Jordan's tiny towel, a shady massage, thread count confusion, and also Angela fears the left turn.

Shareable Afrin, immeasurable outcomes, bitchy diary entries, and why is Danielle such a dweeb? A phlegmy decline, trendy lip flips, fantasy camping, Heather’s high-top tragedy, and also Gene’s generous shots.

Pandemic potty mouth, half-read articles, Heather's scent adventure, and Don't Look Up. Homework fails, seductive felines, Carol from Michigan, and also how the guy with the pipe revived his wife.

Failed bedtime prayers, hitting all time lows, and how Betty White saved 2022? Reviewing our freshman year, Mount St. Heather’s imminent eruption, and also why do you have to be so sciency?

Angela’s mouth makeover and Canada confusion. Provinces, Parishes, and Villages, oh my!!! Cinnamon science, and also, why are you gurls always so sweaty? And pretty PLEASE call in and leave us some feedback, topic suggestions, or a new jingle @ 469-389-2773

Puzzled about side pieces, rock bottom pretzels, and Angela ruins a gender reveal. Death by land or sea, travel anxiety, Boyz 2 Men GOAT, and also if you want to call, just send an email.

Sad elvish goodbyes, Jordan’s character flaws, the dickish donut ask, and Heather’s infinite inbox.  The JFK affect, musical entrances, and Danielle’s requested closing.