The Ascertainers

Send us Fan Mail Unusual night in that in addition to our typical pre-game visit to Newt's (in Apple Valley--ever heard of it?), we then went into St Paul to catch a live set from the band Feegee (@feegeeband)--who is the technically the artist that recorded the Ascertainers theme.   We had a designated driver, our guest for the evening, Jim's brother Steve.  As you might expect, The Asc...

Send us Fan Mail At this point, I feel a little bad putting a topic in the title, because we end up getting to the topic in the waning minutes (spoiler alert).  Today, we fry some bigger fish with Broadcast Legend and across the street neighbor--Roy! Jim's anatomy Get to know Roy Deep dive into sportscasting, play be play and color commentary  Doc Emrick Mark's Discount Airport Shuttle Y...

Send us Fan Mail Special/recurring guest Jason from the 'hood joins us to kick off 2024.  After the usual chit chat, we get around to discussing Ballads.  Yes, we can see the bottom of the topic bucket--please send in your suggestions to TheAscertainers@gmail.com Also, to help you with the visual, the conversation before the theme music kicks in was about......new microphone stands.  Sorry to...

Send us Fan Mail This is technically our 40th episode (our Special Holiday Episode was not numbered).  Jim had to be up early the next morning, so we only recorded one episode.  However, we still hit our normal hydration quota, so I don't think we gained much.  Also, we decided to try without a topic.   Sorry Ma--Forgot to Plug in Your Headphones Radio Game Shoutout FeeGeeBand The Pink Floyd...

Send us Fan Mail To help you better understand why Jim is the way he is, we invited his Mom, Ellie, to join us for a special episode.  As you will see, she held her own and in spite of a technical blunder--she told us she couldn't hear anything through the headphones, and only after it was over did Mark discover her headphones weren't plugged in.  It's a fun episode and one that is...

Send us Fan Mail It's the most wonderful time of the year--and I don't mean Honda Days.  It's Christmas and we are here to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Freaky Festivus--whatever you celebrate.  Hope you get what you wanted. Will Santa get us a new mixing board? We tease an upcoming special episode release Mark's a Christmas guy--who knew? Pajama party h...

Send us Fan Mail Big treat for everyone as we are joined by neighbor and broadcast professional, Roy!  We laughed, we learned and we give Roy the business pretty good/well. Fun Hibbing MN facts Roy runs, Marks runs and Jim ran Newt's promo--mostly uninterrupted but a bit dull as a result Shout out Roy's baseball buddies Brad and Charlie Radio Game The Outfield controversy--who was right?...

Send us Fan Mail This is a second recording of the night, and we attempt to not make any date/season references so we can potentially release it at a later date.  Spoiler alert--we are bad at this.  Jim's brother Jeff joins us again.  For fans of Mark pushing Jim's buttons. Shoutout to the creators of our theme music Newt's promo--can I get that with a side of provocation? Jeff gets...

Send us Fan Mail As some already know--don't read too much into the title.  We didn't really have a topic going into this one, so if you like the Ascertainers for our ability to rapidly shift from topic to topic with limited redeeming value on any of them--you're going to like this one.  If not, maybe sit this one out.  Now you want to listen on curiosity alone.  Is this milk bad? ...

Send us Fan Mail A little nostalgia.  Mark's red shirt Episode confusion Newspaper article Have you guys heard of Newt's? Table vs Booth Casual Pescatarianism Errors and Omissions Killed a guy International waters Radio Game Air Force self-deprication Newt's has coupons Bath Robe TV theme songs Aaaand it's over #Newts #whatareyouhiding

Send us Fan Mail If you're tuning in just for the Friday Night stuff (our original topic), go ahead and fast forward to about 10 minutes left.  We still can't budget our time....  Attempts were also made to do a "tight" intro and Newt's promo.  We were not successful there either.  But hey--you're already here, so give this a listen! Shout out to aspiring podcasters M...

Send us Fan Mail If you can hear this episode, then we haven't been sued yet (check out Ep 31:  Jim's Invention).   Jim's Bachelor week That one Johnny Depp movie Radio Game Dave Mustaine update Fascinating grammar finds Please stop emailing us! Mark's candy fantasy Weather report Debut Albums Mark sings / T Rex Errors and Omissions Newt's! Scarface The Californians Thank...

Send us Fan Mail Buckle up kids.  This episode could be considered pretty relaxed by Ascertainer's standards, but there are two bona fide big laughs.  I hope we don't need a legal defense fund after this one. How we got our name Thanks to last guests, Chantz and Alex Deadlocked at the golf course Errors and Omissions Last Supper correction Radio Game Newt's promo (also--have you bee...

Send us Fan Mail Tough episode to title, but candy seemed to be the common thread.  Second episode of the night with Chantz and Alex (Mark's son and his buddy). Fiance:  It's just a funny word with a little accent thrown in Alex's cry for help Plea for social media followers Radio Game Update Patty Smyth? Milk Duds Sock Theory Mark's new dryer Chantz and Alex's fitness sec...

Send us Fan Mail We've evolved to a 4 microphone enterprise and the debut of 4 voices actually went OK.  Tonight, we are joined by Chantz (Mark's oldest son) and Alex (Chantz's buddy and top Ascertainers fan),  We have gone over 1,000 downloads!  Who knew??  Thanks to all who've listened Introducing our guests Chantz takes the wheel Crazy Lead Singers Alex tries to tell a story...

Send us Fan Mail This one starts with an unusually winding introduction including our first female voice.  Jim swears way less. Farmer's Almanac  Mark's Wife Cameo Why we regret doing Movie Soundtracks as a topic Moonlight Mile Swear Jar Radio Game Josh Duhamel Movie Soundtracks Newt's Promo--Sara is MVP and New Special Waning or Waxing Moon Phases (Nerd Alert) Dinner vs Supper (Dan...

Send us Fan Mail First and foremost--Jim swore way too much on this episode.  He (I) counted the F bombs and the sum is either impressive or embarrassing.  Shield your kids from this one.  It's not even good, quality swearing.  It's gratuitous, like every 80's movie showing boobs--whether it added to the story or not.  Bad example.  I'll do better. 6-month anniversary:  Shut it...

Send us Fan Mail We bring back our first ever guest, Jason a/k/a The Flip Flop Wearing Weed Whipper! Mark puts the mock in mock turtleneck Jim sucks at golf Vikings off to horrible start Wedding talk Tattoo talk MARK's PROFESSION FINALLY REVEALED More tattoo talk Newt's promo--including the best alternate word for pescatarian yet! Ketchup Finally, our top Led Zeppelin songs Fin #Newt&apo...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 25 already?  As mentioned previously, you'd think we'd be better at this, but we forge ahead.  This episode is one of those where we record two in one night because of a scheduling conflict down the road.  Translation:  Words will be slurred. Mark Makes his wife mad at "the" Newt's Mark's new neighbor not impressed Sound effects Apologies to t...

Send us Fan Mail Listen closely and you will hear that the theme music has been re-recorded and sounds a little more warm and natural.  Shout out to Audie AD and PW!  Gotta be honest, this episode is very under control "in control."  Some may find it boring, others soothing.  Maybe don't operate heavy machinery while listening.  That's what our lawyers asked me to say. Golf tal...

Send us Fan Mail We get to the Beatles eventually, but before that, we have other important items like: Mark's new shirt color: Vitamin Piss (that better be a band name already) Two weeks of golf recaps 911--what's your emergency? Audie Pat stiffs Mark--again! RIP Audie CN "N" How to mispronounce Mea Culpa Jim's childhood goal--Ornathology Grackle Parmesan (another solid b...

Send us Fan Mail Apparently, people who listen to this have too many T-shirts, because we didn't have to send any out this week!  Is this thing even on (see what I did there with the title)? Pretty standard episode: Mark beat Jim in golf again (and gets a little cocky--stay tuned to see how that works out) We talk Newt's--including, "The Sara Spinaround," Jim puts his foot in h...

Send us Fan Mail This one was recorded as a bonus episode that we could have on the shelf for a rainy day--then we realized we needed it right away, so it's literally being released in the order it was recorded....  For those that still think we are a music podcast, buckle up, because there's plenty of that ahead--as well as some very, very random stuff. Think twice about coffee at Mark&...

Send us Fan Mail What in the world??  20 episodes already?  When we began this folly, I'm not sure either of us thought we'd make it to 20!  You'd think we'd be so much better with that much practice...  Because this episode was recorded after 2 previously recorded episodes were aired, there was a lot of time needed for Mark to correct/analyze/deflect, etc from those 2 episodes...

Send us Fan Mail As you will discover early on, this is the second episode of the night and we have remained well hydrated on account of the hot weather...  Typical episode with no real intellectual value, but a few laughs are there for the taking. Tom Hanks, Super Roadie MN Weather and Weather Personalities Are they really a Dr? When to leave a party Uli Jon Roth Joe Walsh's thoughts on AI R...