The Art of We

In Episode 52 of "The Art of We Podcast," Krista and Dr. Will Van Derveer delve into the vital concept of secure functioning within the realm of business partnerships. Listen in to explore how secure functioning applies not only to personal relationships but also to the world of business. The key assertion is that the health, security and success of the business partnership is directly correlated...

Welcome to The Art of We podcast, Episode 51, where we delve into the intricacies of adult relationships, exploring the concept of attachment styles and adult functioning. Dr. Will Van Derveer and Krista Van Derveer, your hosts, embark on a journey to clarify these terms and provide valuable insights to help you navigate your relationships. Attachment styles, often linked to our early childhood ex...

Welcome to episode 50! In line with Krista turning 50 next year, we are exploring divergent perspectives around big life experiences, such as aging, and the importance of these conversations in order to stay deeply connected and aligned as a couple.   Using Peter Attia’s work to guide our exploration of health, we share the conscious and subconscious perspectives that we hold onto as we...

Something that we continue to learn about trips spent away from the other partner is how to stay connected and improve transitions. In line with this episode, Krista is hosting solo (while Will is traveling) and explores what she and Will are learning about each other when time is spent apart, and how to really care for each other when they come back together to avoid potential rupture.  Kris...

Trigger Warning: Discussion of death at 5:41–8:09 This is a special edition podcast episode: Eight years ago — on the exact day we recorded this episode — Krista’s previous partner to Will suddenly died. While we tend to think about loss and grief as negative experiences, we don’t always think about the richness or gifts that can be relieved through the process. In this episode, we explore Kr...

When one partner shows signs of low grade depression, it can sometimes be hard to know how to effectively provide support. If left unaddressed, not only is there an “elephant in the room” but it also can leave unintended negative impacts on the relationship. Often, depression can be viewed as a “problem” that’s usually left up to the person who is experiencing the depression to figure out how to o...

Getting external support helps to take our connection and intimacy to the next level. In this episode, we recap our session with Somatic Sex Educator and Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Alyssa Morin. We share why we decided to book a session with Alyssa and disclose a key takeaway that’s created a big positive shift in our physical connection.  We discuss our relationship to certain aspects...

Somatic Sex Educator and Certified Sexological Bodyworker Alyssa Morin joins us on this episode to explore cutting edge frameworks for improving intimacy and connection. Alyssa outlines practices to facilitate healing and get into deeper contact with what feels good. Plus, we look at how this branch of “parts work” can positively impact other areas of life outside the bedroom. Alyssa guides indivi...

Our commitment to seeking external support for our marriage is rooted in our vow to lean on our community when we need it. We understand the challenge of deciding when to address issues within the relationship versus when it’s time to look for professional assistance. In today’s episode, we discuss the three types of external support we’ve used that have significantly impacted our relationship. We...

Deliberate self connection in the service of partnership is a practice that deeply serves our relationship. When we commit taking time to ourselves we can do the inner work of discovering what’s inside us at deeper levels. When we are in more touch ourselves below the surface layers, we can share ourselves more fully with our partners, creating a connection together that penetrates into a deeper,...

In a relationship, one partner may have an exit route, an external or internal dialogue that creates a one-sided connection. In our past relationships, backdoor exits were unilateral and not navigated together — instead, insecurity, blaming, and a dysregulated nervous system led the way. Everyone’s situation is different, but for us, making the choice to have each other’s backs and take a leap of...

For some of us, deciding when to address unresolved issues with our family of origin can be confusing. Many people choose not to directly address issues so as to not stir the pot. Other people go as far as doing family therapy as adults with their aging parents and other family members. For us, we find it helpful to get clear about the purpose or what we want to accomplish with our family members...

To have deeply fulfilling relationships requires that we bring our A-game when it comes to being sensitive to how we impact each other and to bring care when we negatively impact one another. If we are not conscious enough to recognize when we’re having unintended negative impacts on other people or we are not self-aware enough to acknowledge when we’ve been negatively impacted by someone else, we...

We believe a critical element that separates an ordinary from an extraordinary relationship is the skill of curiosity. In a world that feels harder to be present, curiosity isn’t as accessible — which is why we try to come back to the childlike delight of questioning and discovering things. It takes intentionality, presence, and continuous practice to build the skill of curiosity, but the investme...

The conversation around money isn’t always lighthearted, honey. Money is one of the top stressors and major areas of conflict for many couples, which is why we put as much care and attention to how we do finances as we do anything else. In our opinion, there’s not a right or wrong regarding how money is dealt with inside of a partnership, as long as there’s true alignment between both partners. In...

We continue to understand the intricacies around impact, and its ability to overtake us if we’re not focused on seeking (and maintaining) a balanced mindset. In this episode, we share our conversation around optimization and how its dark side can create impulsivity and over time, become a threat. We also draw from our personal backgrounds — including our individual Enneagram types — to discuss how...

Collaborating with your partner is bound to have its challenges, but how do you navigate partnership on a large, public scale that not only involves collaboration — but also shared responsibility around representation and messaging? We’re taking a look at what came up in the dynamic of our relationship as we were confronted with feelings of control, shadow parts of self, and approaching challenges...

It’s often said that relationships are like mirrors that magnify what’s happening beneath the surface, and recognizing attachment styles is one of the greatest ways to use that mirror. In this episode, we look at ambivalent attachment, or as psychologist Stan Tatkin refers to it, the “Wave” attachment style.  The typical core injuries of “Wavy” people include receiving reward from a caregiver...

The most effective way to make it easier to get the love that you want and give your partner the love that they need is to understand each other's attachment style. Stan Tatkin has a helpful framework for recognizing when childhood imprinting comes up, and in this episode, we’re unpacking the layers of what he calls the “Island” attachment style, otherwise known as avoidant insecure attachment.&nb...

We’re revisiting our first episode to take a look at one of the foundational principles that supports our relationship. We reflect on what's different about our partnership compared to previous ones and unpack the juicy conversation we had on our first date.  Because we’re so committed to a very clear and explicit purpose within our relationship, we skipped the first-date small talk and got r...

There are a lot of complexities for many people when it comes to birthdays, most of which don’t have anything to do with getting older. In this solo episode, Krista shares how she and Will approach birthdays as a couple and support each other in having meaningful celebrations.  Childhood imprinting can deeply impact your birthday experience if those unconscious filters and perspectives go unc...

Few things are equally as pervasive and taboo in our society as pornography. In today's episode, we’re unpacking how pornography addiction or misuse can impact a partnership and sharing ways to address the underlying urge for escapism.   There’s nothing wrong with self-pleasure, but when it becomes the default alternative to dealing with the complexity of a partner, it often results in s...

Meditation is often seen as a solo practice, but in our experience, it can have a deep impact on your relationship with your partner, team members, or really anyone that you come in contact with. In this episode, we describe what our meditation practices look like and how we apply the benefits of it both on and off the cushion.  When you train your brain to quiet the chatter, it creates an op...

What happens when you bring an external element into your couple bubble that disrupts the connectivity? Maybe it’s a child, an aging parent, a new job, or in our case, a puppy, all of which require a reconfiguration of how everyone’s needs are met. In today’s episode, we explore techniques that help us address the impacts of throwing a curveball into our well-oiled system.  When we decided to...

Within our web of vows that help us maintain what we believe is possible in our relationship, gambling everything for the love we want is at the center. In this episode, we unpack what that means for us and how we work to bring forth every aspect of ourselves, even in challenging or uncomfortable conversations.  Unless we take a real stand for the kind of relationship we desire, and then be w...