Tell Me How You're Mighty: Real Talk About Cheating

In this episode, we discuss the intersection of pregnancy and infidelity. The mistresses who got pregnant. The chumps who got cheated on while pregnant, or going through fertility treatments. The guy chumps who had to paternity test their kids. The "OMG I think I'm pregnant" Hail Mary play by mistresses to win the pick me dance. How children of affairs navigate the complicated stories of their par...

When you lost a cheater, who else did you lose in the breakup? People often think infidelity is just a private matter between a couple, and not a larger conspiracy, as it often turns out to be. In the end, you may lose "friends" who were affair partners, those who knew and didn't tell you, and the Switzerland folks who don't want to take sides. Listeners share their stories of who they lost, who t...

A woman writes in to Tracy and Sarah after suspecting that her best friend has been cheating with her now ex-husband. This friend has been cagey, unsupportive, and just admitted that she's been a cheater before. The letter writer wants to confront her friend about her behavior, but should she? Would it be better to ghost her instead? Or let it blow over? 

With the recent buzz about Chump Nation in the New Yorker and the Cut, Tracy takes on the haters. Consider it a teaching opportunity. Here's three common infidelity tropes and how to defang them: Bothsiderism (What did you do to make them cheat?); Infidelity is complex (You're a black and white thinker); and Quit Playing the Victim (You're too bitter and emotional). 

Tracy talks with her 83-year old Aunt Joy about what it was like to divorce a cheater in the 1970s. A time when women couldn't get credit without their husbands' signatures, had no workplace protections, and being a single mother was considered a personal failure. Aunt Joy is famous on the Chump Lady blog for the expression "the walls in your house will sing" -- that feeling of freedom and relief...

We hear from listeners who didn't stay together for the children (or weren't able to, because one parent abandoned ship), and who raised children on their own. Despite the single parent doom and gloom warnings, the kids turned out great and homelife is peaceful. If you're in the trenches of single parenting, this episode is for you. Take it from two single moms -- (Tracy formerly, Sarah presently)...

She got married two months ago, only to discover her new husband has been cheating with his colleague -- her friend. He wants to go to Italy with the Other Woman to "explore his feelings" and wants her to wait for him. Instead, she moved out and remains heartbroken. "How can someone you love treat you this way?" Tracy and Sarah react to this guy's mindfuckery and entitlement. And the treachery of...

So many stupid things cheaters say, it warranted a second podcast of your submissions. The Other Woman who is "rooting" for the chump's marriage. The introspective cheater who sighs, "I just don't know how to love..." The minimization of "Hey, I'm not an axe murderer." All the stupid right here. Again. 

Cheaters say the darndest things. In this episode, Sarah and Tracy react to your Stupid Sh*t Cheaters Say submissions. The suggestion that you would like the affair partner if you only knew them. The sad sausage bleatings. The cruelty of your consequences. How could you?!

How pretty did you pick me dance to win a cheater? Did you lose weight? Up your sex game? Spend less time with the children? Were you aware you were in a life or death pick me spiral with Schmoopie, or did you sense it? In this episode, Sarah and Tracy react to your pick me dance stories shared on voicemail and social media. (We picked you!) 

Rob Manuel is the creator of the social media phenomenon FessHole, where people anonymously share their darkest, most mortifying secrets. In this episode, Rob's curated his best cheater (and wannabe cheater) confessions. The dead bedroom cheaters. The woman who wants someone to come clean her house. The guy who wants his partner to cheat on him because he's too gutless to dump his girlfriend hones...

A self-professed cheater leaves Sarah and Tracy a voicemail asking how he can make amends for being unfaithful. He doesn't wish to reconcile -- they're going to divorce. But how can he rehabilitate his image going forward as co-parents. Tracy offers some thoughts on how to kick the entitlement habit and Sarah provides the sobering, yet friendly, cynicism that this advice probably will not be follo...

Sarah Manguso has written the ultimate chump novel: Liars. Jane is a woman who endures marriage to, and divorce from, a textbook fuckwit. It dramatizes marital betrayal, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control in a way we all know deep in our bones.   Manguso says, "It's a novel, so of course it's all fiction—except for the parts that are true." During the pandemic, Manguso's cheating husband aba...

Was there a moment in your relationship, before you knew about the cheating , in which you look back and regret not leaving then? In this episode, listeners answer that question. The casual cruelities. The weird absences. The disconnect from family life. And the double lives that are later revealed that make sense of it all. 

Jake and Christine saw an announcement on the Chump Lady site for people who were impacted by the Ashely Madison hack scandal. The were both filmed for the Netflix documentary, but their stories of leaving cheaters and overcoming betrayal were not included. Jake's wife had multiple affairs on the site, and he found out when one of the affair partners contacted him. Christine discovered her boyfrie...

Following up from last week's episode, Sarah weighs in on her observations (and revulsions) on the Ashley Madison Neflix series. Is it possible this many serial cheaters exist? Does that guy in the pink flamingo shirt sunning himself by the poolside have any conscience? Is Noel Biderman's wife a chump or an accomplice? It's a deep vein of snark and commentary.

The new Netflix docuseries on the Ashley Madison hack purports to look at the complexities around infidelity. Instead, it's the same old message about reconciliaton and not judging cheaters for their sexuality. Deception -- as experienced by chumps, not Noel Biderman -- is left out of the discussion. Tracy Schorn, aka Chump Lady, riffs on the characters and missed opportunities to have a fuller co...

In this episode we discuss how cheaters devalue their partners while simulataneously love bombing their affair partners. Listeners share stories of what their cheaters did for Schmoopies, but not them or their children. From little gestures like cooking dinner or holding hands, to outrageous injustices like stiffing your kids thousands in back child support while paying for private school for the...

A discounted chocolate Easter egg for a 13-year-old's birthday... weeks past Easter. American-flag themed polar fleece. The same gift the Other Woman got, only in the wrong size. In this episode Tracy and Sarah lampoon the Worst Cheater Gifts. Narcissists aren't known for their gift giving, as demonstrated by listeners' submissions of the most thoughtless and tasteless presents ever. The thought d...

Comedian Kat moved to the UK for love over 20 years ago. Then her husband left her for his old girlfriend -- who she thought was a family friend. The kids all go to school together. Now she's divorced and stuck in her adopted home country and can't leave because of the divorce and co-parenting arrangement. And she sees the Other Woman every time she does school pickups. How do you find the humor i...

In this episode we talk with blogger/activist Tina Swithin of One Mom's Battle. Tina acted as her own attorney in a high-conflict custody battle that turned her family's life upside down for over a decade. While divorces are never easy, Tina quickly learned that a divorce involving a narcissist takes the term, "high-conflict" to a level that few can comprehend. 

Tracy and Sarah discuss the common, if depressing, problem of forgiveness and multiple D-Days. What does forgiveness mean? Is it essential to get over betrayal? Or can you move on quite fine without it? And how do you fend off forgiveness trolls -- the sorts who insist on forgiveness before you've even processed the offense? 

What happens when cheater true love goes splat? In this episode, we feature your Schmoopie stories of comeuppance and karmic reckonings. Like the tree that fell on the BMW. A biblical flood. A clever dragnet and the mistress laws of Thailand. If you're moving on from infidelity, the goal is indifference toward your ex, but sometimes you want to shoot that sweet schadenfreude straight into your vei...

Sarah and Tracy react to an article chiding mothers to get along with former affair partners, now wives, for the sake of the children. It goes beyond coparenting, and encourages friendship and socializing with your ex. Much skepticism ensues. Especially from Sarah who has lived experience of this particular dilemma. 

Ever wonder about the life of an infidelity advice columnist? This episode is an Ask Chump Lady Anything where Tracy Schorn takes your questions. How often do mistresses contact you? How soon do you tell someone you're dating you were once cheated on? Is too much chemistry a red flag?