Talking Paragraphs

Let's be honest: I forgot what we talked about for most of this podcast. It seemed interesting at the time, at least to us. I know there's something about Paul and his mom going to see a traveling Vincent Van Gogh exhibit at Graceland, the former home of Elvis Presley. After that, there's talk of an African restaurant nearby. The rest is hazy to me. So, we can listen and discover together.

This episode sounds like crap. Part of the problem was I kept dozing off during the creation of it. It's not Paul's fault. He's wide awake. But I had been up late the night before. I got a shitty letter in the mail that screwed with my head for a bit. It put me off my game. I assure everyone I'm fine. There are good jokes in here and if you like to imagine me drunk, I figure this is what it sounds...

Tragic and bloody true crime! Weird animal stories! Shocking superhero secrets! Everything the almighty algorithm says you wanted and more!

5 black bears hibernate under a house, owners had no idea In Memphis: Woman stabs husband to death after argument over the taste of coffee Twitter sold to Elon Musk Prince Mongo buys MySpace Twitter: Steve Martin’s King Tut sketch in the 1970s makes people in the 2020s angry JC Penny buys Kohls Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly drink each other’s blood Fictosexuality

Should Interpol agents descend upon Wisconsin after 3,500 pounds of cheese was stolen in the Netherlands? Iowa Democrats can't count and Dan can't wait to get rid of the caucuses. Paul notes the latest in horrible Fox News host behaviors. And should baseball add tackling to the game after a brutal takedown in a junior college game?

Something horrible happened between four men and a lizard in India and MSN decided the world needed to know about it. Now we do. And we can't get it out of our heads.

Paul serves a one-podcast suspension for continuing to text his Wordle score to Dan. T-square pinch hits and podcasts from his closet, where his wife arranges his clothes by hue. Silliness ensues. Enjoy.

Dan and Paul talk about stuff and things. They try to be amusing. They often fail. But this is free. You get what you pay for.

Dan wants to know who UPS makes drive the Cologuard route. Paul is obsessed with celebrities who have animals in their names. Dan gets sleepy again. Don't worry. He's just tired.

Paul catches March Madness Why are McDonald's shake machines always down? Have heard about the new Wordle? It's called Heardle. Kurt Vonnegut and the March Madness bracket Dan can embrace. The Cleveland Browns stick the knife all the way into Baker Mayfield. What will become of his amusing insurance commercials? Everton should sign protestor who zip tied his neck to the goal. Job opportunities for...

Dan explains what happened to last week's episode; Little Caesars is hawking a Batman pizza; Coke, Starbucks, and McDonald's pull out of Russia, but traitorous Pepsi stays; Job opening: Grizzly Bear Conflict Manager; Man caught at Mexican border with 52 lizards and snakes in his pockets and "groin area." All that and more on the latest "Talking Paragraphs" with Dan and Paul.

I'm the problem with this podcast. Memphis Paul showed up. Let's be clear on that. We had material on animals doing strange things, the spelling of Andruw Jones' son's name, and a lot of background on Morris the Cat from the old 9 Lives cat food commercials. Paul brought his A game. Dan brought his Z game, as in "zzz." He kept drifting off to sleep, but not all the way. He kept talking, but the wo...

Paul is with this week. Dan's voice is on the recording, but he's kind of out of it. There are silly topics. Paul carries the load. Dan babbles. It's really sad. Someone should talk to him about it.

The lights went out in Memphis around 10 a.m., Thursday, and our beloved Memphis Paul and his mother were plunged into darkness and cold for a week. How they made it through and other topics of great unimportance in this week's "Talking Paragraphs."

An ice storm in Memphis knocks out Paul's power. Guest host T-square Tyler pinch hits. He proceeds to have a genial political conversation with Dan which arises fears of the pitchfork and torches crowd. So, we cut it out. The remainder of the podcast, we hope, is banal enough to be amusing without offensive in a nation where being offended is the national sport.

Items cut from this episode include a role play with Dan playing Matt Damon interview Ben Affleck, played by Paul. This was cut because Paul called Dan a hypocrite. That part was left in the episode. It doesn't make any sense, but what do you expect from us? Also cut from this episode was a lengthy debate about the quality of a major grocery store chain. This was cut because Paul worried we would...

Goat escapes slaughter as drunken priest allegedly kills man instead. Wharton student estimates Americans make average annual salary of $800,000. Pirates part of casino-style stock exchange. McNuggets dipping into garlic pepper spice. Foreign chip flavors revisited.  Gaspard Ulliel, Meat Loaf, and Louie Anderson all dead. Shut up, Joe Rogan. Netherlands protesting COVID restrictions by going...

Tyler pinch hits for Paul, whose off this week due for lode management. Chip flavors we wish were in America — or not. Mexico confiscates 380,000 boxes of Kelloggs cereals for inappropriate cartoons and sugary content. And some kid at LSU won a year's worth of Whataburgers, but does it come with aortic stent?

Dan and Paul are back with their weekly machine gun of laughter. Highlights include: A parody ad for anhedonia, a joke stolen from Jim Gaffigan, and a list of banished words stolen from the Lake Superior State University. 

Dan and Paul are back for 2022 with a laugh-packed podcast for the New Year. The ol' Paragraph Stacker and the World's Most Dangerous Accountant discuss matters of little importance in hopes inspiring a hardy guffaw or chortle, but not a choke because neither one of them know the Heimlich maneuver.

Dan and Paul give golf commentary on child opening last Christmas present; Save the planet — be buried in mushroom coffins; and movie reviews of 'Licorice Pizza,' the latest 'Spider-Man,' and 'Matrix 4.'

Paul is off for load management. Tyler pinch-hits again. Dan has no agenda. So, basically, it's the usual mess for about an hour and 15 minutes. What are you going to do — watch football? Well, probably, but give play us over the game sound. It's modestly amusing.

Some of this stuff we talked about, some of it we didn't. You'll just have to listen to figure out which cats are alive and which ones never existed: Bob Dole death Zoey’s Extraordinary Christmas Sex and the City Pelaton death Dawson’s Creek Gi Joe comics acquisition Sandra Bullock Netflix Jennifer Anniston interview Live Before A Studio Audience Lesson plan: Clickbait Licorish pizza movie Tom Bra...

This podcast will self destruct after 11 plays. We dare you to try. Visit paragraphstacker.com for the latest musings of your host, the ol' paragraph stacker himself, Daniel P. Finney.

Dan and Paul are two middle-aged men talking about things. There's no reason you should listen them as opposed to other people, but, then again, there's no reason you should listen to anyone about anything. Decide for yourself. We'll be here cracking wise and a decidedly mellow, maybe even lazy, pace. All we cost you is your time.