STTNGeez! Not Another Star Trek Podcast!

Somebody is always commanding when it comes to Starfleet, despite what the Great Bird thought, and of course it’s Picard, no, wait – it’s Number One! No, no, actually, it’s Data!  There’s so much God-damned commanding! The Enterprise rolls up on a planet colonized by Earthies but wrongly so and their task is to remove these colonizers before the rightful heir of the planet (the Sheliak) show up to...

It’s season three of a show where a bunch of people are flying around the galaxy doing shit, like watching a dying star collapse! That’s right, another dying star! Season three starts as everyone’s favorite, a Wesley episode. A Wesley episode? At least the season doesn’t start with someone getting impregnated by a wayward entity! Dr. Paul Stubbs is onboard to witness the stellar explosion when the...

The Borg are invading the Federation, and when their initial assault fails, they travel back to the past to sabotage Earth’s first warp drive flight in hopes of preventing . . . First Contact! Yes, First Contact, when humanity came face to face with beings from another world. The Enterprise crew pursues the Borg to thwart their thwarting, and end up with a ship full of pesky cyborgs! While Riker,...

The Enterprise D and crew are back for all of season two, starting with entity impregnation and ending with brain infestation. Picard, Riker, Troi, Data, Geordi, Worf, Guinan, Wesley Crusher and new Doctor, Kate Pulaski are boldly exploring strange new worlds, which mostly exist on the Holodeck, they’re meeting new life, like the shape shifting Salia in the Dauphine , or Mick Fleetwood as a giant...

We’ve seen the second in command of the U.S.S. Enterprise get zapped for the last two seasons, and in this episode Riker gets zapped into unconsciousness by a plant. Talk about Zap ass! Believe it or not, the season ender of the second season of a fairly successful show decides to end the season with a god damn clip show! A clip show like on the Brady Bunch, or Three’s Company, or MASH, or name yo...

“Shall we play a game?” (Said in computer voice, please). Concerned about crew readiness since their run in with the Borg, as he should be, Picard arranges for a training exercise that pits him and the Enterprise against Riker at the helm of a rickety old starship, The Hathaway. Riker and a crew of 40 including Geordi, Worf, and Crusher, are overmatched, but are determined to give the Enterprise a...

Starfleet orders the Enterprise to meet up with an emissary who will give them a vital mission, and before you know it, they have a class-8 probe aboard filled with a half-human, half-Klingon named K’Ehleyr. She informs the crew that they need to intercept a ship full of sleeping Klingons from Star Trek the Motion Picture era, who think they’re still at war with the Federation and stop them from b...

Special visitors arrive on the Enterprise! We get two hibernating fish delegates, Mr. Homm, and his boss, a very sexed-up Betazoidian ambassador — Dame Majel Barrett. That’s right, Diana Troi’s mom: Lwaxana Troi is back, and boy is she horny! Lwaxana sets her eyes on Picard as a mate forcing Jean Luc to space-skedaddle into the Holodeck. On Holodeck, Picard gets to play Dixon Hill again as Lwaxana...

Starfleet tasks the Enterprise to respond to a distress signal from a forgotten Earth colony endangered by those darn solar flares. Picard and company have no choice but to beam the colony aboard to relocate them, and lo and behold, the colony is filled to the barrelhead with Irish stereotypes and farm animals. When the leader of the Bringlodi, Daniel Odell, asks about their fellow colony, the Ent...

Picard and Wes are both due at Starbase 515; Wes for more Starfleet exams, and the captain for a medical procedure he’s too proud to have done on the Enterprise D, a replacement of his artificial heart. Wait, Picard has an artificial heart? While he and Wes shuttle across the galaxy to their various appointments, Riker and company answer a mayday from a disabled ship crewed by a race who appear to...

The Enterprise is tooling along when new ensign Sonya Gomez spills cocoa on Jean-Luc, and to add insult to second degree injury, Q kidnaps Jean-Luc in an attempt to get the captain to let Q join the Enterprise crew because, according to Q, they need him. Q returns Jean-Luc to the Enterprise and is surprised to discover Guinan Goldberg aboard. It appears these two have history, but we’ll have to sa...

So the Enterprise is checking out some volatile planets, and Riker thinks it would be a good opportunity for Wesley to learn how to run a team, so they put him in charge of rock surveys. Wes gets all sweaty overthinking the job and how to deal with commanding people older than he. As all this is going on, Data single-handedly decides the Prime Directive is for suckers, and answers a call from a li...

Will Riker is leaving the Enterprise? He’s going to be captain of his own ship and go on a dangerous mission far, far away? Dang, didn’t see that coming. Wait, the father he hasn’t seen for 15 years is coming aboard to brief him on the mission? And Riker’s dad and Pulaski were lovers? No way! Did you hear Worf is acting cranky and anti-social? Well he is. All this and a maintenance crew from Starb...

While on their merry way to some place called Endicor , the Enterprise encounters a Starfleet shuttlecraft floating dead in space. They tractor beam it onboard only to discover it’s one of their own shuttles, the El Baz ! But wait, the El Baz never left! There’s two of them! How weird can this get? Well, strap in because inside the second shuttle is a whole other Jean-Luc Picard! How is that possi...

The Enterprise is on its way to somewhere when they get a message from a Klingon vessel about some space shrapnel and on closer investigation they find out the shrap is from NASA! Holy 20th Century Captain! How did this Earth debris get all the way onto this side of the Galaxy? Picard sends an Away Team of some of our most essential cast members down to investigate a mysterious structure on the pl...

Someone shows up sick for work -- and it's the Enterprise! The Enterprise answers yet another distress call, this time from sister ship the Yamato under the command of Capt. Donald Varley . The Yamato is plagued with random malfunctions while investigating a planet he believes is the legendary Iconia which just happens to be right in the middle of the Romulan Neutral Zone . Varley wants to ma...

The Enterprise D is charged with escorting a special passenger who has spent her life isolated in preparation for a new role. It’s Salia, the soon-to-be leader of Daled IV accompanied by Anya, her protector. Salia is expected to bring peace to a world rocked by conflict due to half of their planet being in eternal daylight while the other half is perpetually dark. That’s a pretty heavy thing to la...

During a routine crew rotation, Dr. Bruce Maddox announces he is having Data transferred under his command in order for the doctor to disassemble the android in order to study him and create more of his kind. Data is properly apprehensive and declines the transfer, going so far as resigning from Starfleet to avoid falling under Maddox’s command. You’d think that was the end of it, but Maddox says...

As part of an officer exchange program, the Enterprise gets a new Benzite ensign, Mendon , and the Klingon ship , the Pagh, gets Riker. Both struggle to fit in with their new assignments. Mendon is eager to impress Picard while Riker is eager to experience life among Starfleet’s long-time frenemies. And wouldn’t you know it? Medon’s failure to inform Picard of a microbe that’s eating the hull spar...

Once again, the Enterprise is pulled off course by a distress call. While they’re on the way to Star Station India, they get an urgent call from the USS Lantree announcing the crew of that ship is dying. They blow off India and find the Lantree adrift and the crew dead from old age even though they were all in the primes of their lives. They quarantine the ship and head to it’s last stop, the iron...

The Enterprise heads to Gravesworld , home of famous genius, Ira Graves, to answer a distress call from his assistant? Companion? Whatever the Hell, Kareen. Graves is dying, and in a last ditch attempt at immortality, Graves secretly transfers his consciousness into Data, taking over the shared body and confessing his love to the much younger Kareen. Will Picard be able to convince “Graves” to lea...

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The Enterprise encounters a cargo ship in distress and beams over its captain, Thadiun Okona, a self-described flamboyant and rakish character with an eye for the ladies. While Geordi works on repairing the damaged part from Okona’s ship, the bounder lives up to his rep by cutting an erotic swath through the Enterpise’s female crew. Meanwhile, Data explores the nature of humor, foolishly summoning...

The Enterprise is cooling its warp coil waiting three days for the USS Victory, so Geordi surprises Data with a pipe and an invite to the holodeck to play Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Geordi is immediately frustrated when Data tears through the program using his complete understanding of Arthur Conan Doyle’s stories, pissing Geordi off. When the pair retire to Ten Forward to discuss Geordi’s fe...

After we enjoy Worf and Riker getting some vigorous exercise in the holodeck, we get to see the Enterprise D encounter an anomaly in space, an area of blackness without matter or energy. They move in to investigate, and before they know it, they are trapped in the void, unable to escape no matter what they try. Soon they’re exchanging fire with a Romulan Warbird and coming face-to-face with their...