Strippers in the Attic

We know, we know — we vanished. Like a dancer who went for a cigarette break in 2019 and never returned. But don’t worry, darlings: we’re alive, we’re well, and we’re officially back in the New Year. In today’s mini-ep, Heaven confirms she is very much alive (despite rumours), Buffy packs her bags and flies off to the States for Thanksgiving, and we spiral into  ⭐️the realities of solo stripping...

We check in on Heaven’s plastic surgery journey (and trust us, it’s a journey) before despairing at Hollywood’s stripper obsession. We mourn Flashdance’s shamefest fail: ballerina/welder/sensual dancer dating her stalker and dragging her stripper friend out of the club mid-shift. That’s no way to save-a-ho. We struggle with Demi Moore’s ill-advised Striptease although it’s saved, as all things are...

Never underestimate a stripper. Five Oscars for Anora, including Mikey Madison who shouted out sex workers when accepting the bald gold guy (now that’s what we call a whale). Our heroes cast their expert eyes over the film, and tell their own tales of whale fishing, clients who want to take you away and the girls that marry the men in the club. Even Vanya ain’t running from Buffy and Heaven. Check...

Welcome to part two and thank you for staying with us. The story so far – Heaven’s in hospital. Buffy is worried. And this episode is a whole new way of storytelling. It’s the voice notes between two friends when one is in trouble. Things don’t get more intimate than this. Episode two - Stairway to Heaven. This episode is bought to you by SITA Podcasting Ltd, Hosted by Buffy and Heaven, produced b...

Part three of the adventure of Heaven’s breasts. In which Heaven reflects on what she’s learned, Buffy reflects on why she hasn’t learned quite as much as she thinks she has, and we learn an awful lot about how men look at women when their breasts change size. Spoiler alert – it makes a difference. You’ll be relieved to find our heroes regret nothing. Never apologise, never explain, just tip your...

Don’t call it a comeback, though we’ve been away too long. Here’s why. And remember, every now and then, the talk in VIP gets serious. Every now and then we connect. And so it’s time to let you in on something we’ve been dealing with for a while. Heaven’s breasts have had a starring role in pretty much every episode, but breast enlargement can cost more than cash. This is the story of what can go...

Buffy and Heaven research the Stripper version of the Unified Field Theory – applying the science to life after stripping. What else can stretch the body and the brain as much as a busy Saturday night in the club? Fortunately, we discover how sex worker ninja skills can be deployed on movie sets, in dungeons, at parties, and in helping civilians getting the most out of their sex lives. Plus we dig...

Heaven wrestles the curse of the full moon and the mystery of the missing green Croc. Buffy channels Carrie without the killing and investigates the secret of the Mooncup. Plus, our lascivious lab techs study the science of cycles thanks to the University of New Mexico’s revelation concerning the correlation between ovulation and stripper’s earnings. Don’t be fazed by the phases, in short, because...

Our post-grad bad girls slip on their lab coats – you should see them in lab coats – and apply their Bunsen burner to strong men’s dreams. This week they apply the Myers Briggs test to explain stripper archetypes. Understand uber stripper Chelsea the Commander who will intimidate you into spending whether you want to or not. Quail at Vivienne the Debater who’ll talk you out of your rent money, you...

More ho science from SITA Labs, with tips and tricks on working the private dance. Our girls love the stage but the VIP’s where they make their money, although Buffy’s metaverse earnings multiplier is not advised unless you’re true ninja level. We learn the value of insinuation, camera pantomime, the Heaven theory of time, the ‘how to re-up’ controversy and breaking into the low spending wallet. P...

What goes in the VIP stays in the VIP. Until now. Buffy and Heaven invite you to spend 45 mins in the holy of holies with them and, just this once, you don’t have to pay up front. They explain how to shake your money maker and ensure you make your money, from knowing your booth – Buffy chooses hers based on the right lighting; Heaven just likes the naughty corner – to covering up alarming body noi...

Buffy and Heaven, everyone’s favourite dancing duo, explore the psychological manipulation that strippers deploy – sometimes accidentally – to part gentleman from their cash. It has very little to do with how you look and everything to do with what you say. Frankly it’s a superpower. They discuss the nuance of NLP , the cunning of coding and the art of anchoring as well as hairplay, dumbplay, wiza...

Our heroes left the Attic when lockdown lifted and are back where they belong – in the club, working the VIP and bringing joy to an uncertain world. But it all starts on stage… whether it’s a lure for private dances, a dollar bill scrapping earner or a place where the coolest dancers express their crazy sexy hearts it’s the part of the club most punters and newbies think they understand. Trust us....

How did Buffy get to be so Buffy? How do you make that woman? We track down Poppa Buffy and within seconds find out. From tales of nuns, morphine and the most unlikely midnight visitation to Miles Davies to gangsters to… honestly, his life makes the rest of this podcast seem kinda vanilla. We’re serious. Probably the least interesting part is when we ask what he thinks of his daughter being a stri...

Yeah, this one comes with a trigger warning. Three trigger warnings, to be precise. But, if you’ve listened to any previous episodes you know the kind of thrills our duo trigger. Let’s just point out that ‘dry humping my ankle’, ‘hairy asshole’, ‘he struggles with his desire to bang me with his friend and love Jesus at the same time’ and a dancing clitoris are not included in the trigger warning....

Tragic stripper news - Heaven's first ever club and Soho's final strip club Sunset Strip is closing down after over 70 years in business. Join us February 15th 2023 in saying goodbye to this Soho institution.  We will be there from 6pm tipping all the dancers, hope you can join us!   Sunset Strip  30 Dean St,  London  W1D 3RZ This episode is bought to you by SITA Podcasting Ltd, Hosted b...

St Valentine was beaten to death with clubs for trying to convert the emperor so we celebrate his death with flowers and chocolates, obvs. You might not believe it, but a strip club can be very romantic. Maybe not for a first date, Travis Bickle, but if you’re lucky enough to VIP with Buffy and Heaven they have tricks to teach you, ways to know you, ideas to improve you and a faith in the outcome...

Rhianna steal your style? A stripper has your back. Need to change your life up? A stripper knows the advice. Another epic work fail? A stripper’s got the work around. To prove the point our heroes reminisce with Frankie, the Ninja Stripper Queen, to explain how to chat up a chair, survive champagne induced BV, wake your mate for some necessary pleasure and nail it all no matter what. Epic tales f...

Strip clubs in Miami are a little different. Tootsie’s Cabaret is a 74,000 square foot two storey behemoth where Drake likes a shoulder rub. E11even (that’s eleven if you don’t speak Miami) was the first to accept bitcoin, has its own penthouses and Drake kissed Rhianna there. Booby Trap Strip Club has four branches, offers free lunch and last year Drake gave every dancer a Chanel bag. More import...

Our heroes set out to explore the holy of holies, the favourite flava, the inner sanctum of the strip club – the changing room. On the way they’re knocked off course by a billionaire at a sex party but settle down to celebrate the United Nations of Naked – Brazilians, Ukrainians, Russians, Moldovans, Essexians and Cockeny’s all gathered to gossip, swear, shave, share and howl with laughter while c...

Both parade on a stage wearing very few clothes. Both entertain older men in private rooms. One does so for no money at the instruction of agencies who exploit them. The other controls their earnings and the men they work with keep them safe. Guess which one’s acceptable at dinner parties? Buffy and Heaven try to work out the morality of a society that venerates exploited skinny teenage models and...

January is pulling on its fishnets again and people are throwing around resolutions like dollar bills in a Miami strip bar. Should you reinvent yourself or are you perfect as you are? Buffy and Heaven think both are toxic. There’s no ideal shape in the VIP so don’t bust a gut trying to bust your gut. But if you’re not happy, do what it takes to feel confident. Bottom line? Find your niche, work yo...

Our heroes are back home leaving broken hearts and empty wallets across the Fringe. A brief reflection on what we’ve learned plus news of season three. Season three, you beautiful freaks, imagine that… And we’ve hit 100,000 downloads thanks to you. Stick with us and anything’s possible. Follow us! Instagram & Twitter   Press Enquiries- Madelaine@gingerbreadagency.com This episode is bought to...

US stand up Mary Beth Barone swaps tales with Buffy of America’s weird teen modelling schools – our girl took part in some weird stuff long before this podcast - while Heaven reveals her first sexy photo shoot with a super cute satanic twist and there’s an act beyond description with a window, a laptop and a condom. This episode is bought to you by House of Vixens , Hosted by Buffy and Heaven, pro...

Heaven and Buffy explore Edinburgh’s Pubic Triangle of strip clubs and fall in love with Jordan Gray , who’s tearing the Edinburgh Fringe a new one with a happy finish that you wouldn’t believe. They swap tips on boob jobs, shaving techniques, p-dazzling and why the world needs a female Beethoven with a serious coke habit. Same old same old, in other words. Follow us! Instagram & Twitter   Pre...