Stress Mess: Laughing Through Trauma

In Part 2 of this relationship and communication series, host Katie O'Leary is joined by Clinician Kate for an honest conversation about couples therapy, emotional regulation, conflict resolution, and the relationship skills most people were never taught. Together, they explore how couples develop different communication styles, why arguments escalate when partners enter survival mode, and how too...

Season 4 continues with a candid conversation on relationships, communication, and the emotional load many people carry in partnerships and family life. Clinician Kate from Oak Mountain joins the podcast to share insights from her years working with couples, along with lessons from her own long-term marriage. In this episode, the conversation explores communication styles, unspoken needs, caretaki...

On this episode, Katie explores a familiar moment in relationships when overwhelm hits and the simple question of “how can I support you” only makes things worse. This episode unpacks why so many couples miss each other in these moments, especially when past experiences or emotional neglect have shaped how support is understood. Katie explains that when the brain is flooded, it cannot problem solv...

In this episode, Katie explores whether we enter relationships from genuine desire or from a deeper need for safety and attachment. She reflects on how early experiences and childhood narratives shape the way we connect, often leading to relationships that feel more like relief from anxiety than true compatibility. Katie shares how easy it is to confuse infatuation and being chosen with real conne...

How do you know if a relationship is unhealthy or if it crosses into abuse? In this episode, we break down that question from the inside out, exploring why the answer is less about definitions and more about how you actually feel. We look at the real difference between unhealthy relationships, where both people can take accountability and work on patterns together, and abusive ones, which are root...

This episode explores what a healthy relationship really means, especially for those who were never shown a clear model growing up. Many people say they want something “healthy” or “happy,” but haven’t defined what that looks like for them. The conversation focuses on getting curious about your own values, needs, and expectations instead of relying on unrealistic ideas shaped by culture or past ex...

If you’ve ever thought “if they really cared, they’d just know,” this episode is for you. Katie unpacks mind reading in relationships and why it shows up so strongly for people who grew up with emotional neglect or unpredictable caregivers. What looks like poor communication is often a learned survival response. As kids, many learned to read the room to stay safe, anticipating others’ needs instea...

In this "polka dance" episode, Katie explores the “pursuer and withdrawer” dynamic in relationships, using the metaphor of a polka dance to illustrate how couples can get stuck in reactive cycles. When one partner seeks closeness, reassurance, and immediate resolution, the other may feel overwhelmed and pull away, leading to a pattern where both people unintentionally trigger each other’s deepest...

When conflict hits, it can feel like you and your partner are on opposite sides. In this episode, we talk about why that happens and how quickly we can lose sight of being on the same team. Past experiences, old wounds, and stress can all shape how we react, especially in heated moments. This conversation breaks down what is actually happening in your brain and body during conflict, why your partn...

In this episode, we explore the lens we bring into our relationships and how it shapes the way we interpret our partner’s behavior. Two people can experience the same moment but walk away with completely different stories about what happened. Much of that comes from our past experiences, childhood environments, and the beliefs we developed about conflict, safety, and connection. We talk about how...

Ever found yourself in an argument with your partner that escalates fast, only to realize later it started over something small? In this episode, we talk about emotional flooding. That moment when your nervous system goes into survival mode and connection becomes almost impossible. Emotional flooding can show up as yelling, shutting down, crying, defensiveness, or a racing heart. Many couples thin...

Why can’t they just change? In this episode, we explore the painful hope that a parent or partner will finally listen, take accountability, or become more emotionally available — and the reality that they may not. We talk about emotional immaturity, the fantasy of repair, and the grief of not getting the apology or understanding you deserve. Most importantly, we shift the focus from trying to chan...

In this episode, we explore the survival roles we learned in childhood — and how they continue to shape our adult relationships. Inspired by the work of Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, we break down common adaptations like the Caretaker, Achiever, Peacekeeper, Invisible One, Rebel, and Therapist Friend. These roles once helped us feel safe, loved, or accep...

We’re adults now...but what do we do if we were raised by emotionally immature parents who aren’t going to change? In this episode, we explore how childhood survival patterns follow us into adulthood, the grief of not getting the parent we needed, and how to begin rewriting the “book of laws” we grew up with. We talk about boundaries, anger, vulnerability, and learning that you’re allowed to have...

In this deeply honest and powerful conversation, Katie sits down with coaching client Kayla to explore what happens when strength, perfectionism, and survival mode stop working — and what it takes to rebuild self-trust from the inside out. Kayla shares her journey as a lifelong athlete whose identity was built on performance, discipline, and pushing through discomfort. After a major health event f...

How does growing up with emotionally immature parents shape the way we relate to others—and ourselves? In this episode, we explore patterns like people-pleasing, hyper-vigilance, and fear of conflict, and how they show up in adult friendships, romantic relationships, and self-trust. Learn how healing doesn’t mean blaming, and discover ways to give yourself the care and connection you may not have...

Season freakin’ FOUR … who would’ve thought we’d be here? In this season opener, we dive head-first into relationships —with ourselves and with others—and how deeply they shape our healing. Healing doesn’t mean never having hard thoughts or feelings. It doesn’t mean perfection. Especially not in relationships. This episode focuses on emotionally immature patterns , particularly in parents, and how...

In this final episode of Season 3, Katie talks with Amber about her experience with coaching at Oak Mountain Coaching. They discuss navigating birth trauma, motherhood, and mental health, and how coaching offers tools and support beyond traditional therapy. What You’ll Learn: Why coaching can be more actionable and connection-focused than therapy Understanding the freeze response and reducing self...

Episode Summary: In this episode, we dive deep into the topic of childhood trauma—what it is, how it manifests in adulthood, and the ways it can shape our beliefs, behaviors, and relationships. Katie shares personal experiences and professional insights, exploring the spectrum of trauma, from overt events to the absence of emotional safety and connection. The episode also covers common adult adapt...

In this episode, Katie sits down with physical therapist Lisa Becker-Schmall , whose work centers on women’s health, pelvic floor conditions, and chronic illness. Together, they unpack the mind-body connection, how physical and emotional pain overlap, and how providers can recognize when it’s time to collaborate or refer clients for additional support. What We Cover Lisa’s work in pelvic health, h...

In this guided practice, we explore the “emotional flare-up hangover”—the shame, guilt, and looping thoughts that often follow a reactive moment. Instead of beating yourself up, this episode walks you through moving from shame → understanding → repair with compassion. What We Cover Why shame spirals happen after emotional flare-ups How survival responses override “I should have known better” Groun...

In this heart-centered and thought-provoking conversation, Katie sits down with mind-body physical therapist and breathwork facilitator Kento Kamiyama to explore the essence of spirituality—beyond religion, dogma, or labels. Together, they dive into what it truly means to feel connected, whole, and real. Kento shares his own journey of learning to pause, release perfectionism, and find meaning thr...

In this solo episode, Katie reflects on a quote by London-based psychotherapist Sirit Chawla : “I’m not the monk on the mountain. I’m in the trenches with you.” Katie shares how this perspective shapes her work as a trauma and chronic stress coach. She explores why true healing isn’t about being “fixed” by an expert but about building connection, safety, and understanding. She also discusses the p...

In this heartfelt and hilariously honest episode, Katie O’Leary sits down with Amber Grimmett , founder of Fierce, Not Fragile . Together, they dive into the beauty and chaos of personal growth, the power of owning your story, and how laughter can transform even the toughest seasons. This is an episode full of warmth, truth, and the kind of friendship that reminds you healing doesn’t have to be qu...

In this raw and deeply honest episode, Katie sits down with powerlifting coach & clinician, John Flagg. The very first person who helped her find and use her voice during one of the hardest seasons of her life. What follows is a conversation that pulls no punches. Touching on trauma, the power of presence, emotional regulation, and what it really means to hold space for someone without trying...