Straight Wife Trans Life

The season ends with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help anyone, anywhere in the world. In this episode, Abbe shares how a loved one coming out can impact the straight spouse or partner and offers insight into...

One month into middle school for my son and a student has already used an anti-LGBTQ+ slur against another student in a locker room. The kicker is that we live in what is considered a very progressive area. In this episode, my son and I have a talk about this incident, how a teacher handled it, and what he might have done if the teacher wasn't there.   Related to this episode: UNICEF: How to Talk...

The Summer Olympics just ended and I'm always impressed by the overall mental strength component that athletes have to excel at their sports. It takes mental strength to succeed in sports, at work, as parents, and in a situation like many of us where your spouse or partner has come out as transgender. Let's explore this idea of mental strength to help us remain grounded as we navigate a loved one...

New job, new people can be exciting for most of us and unchartered, anxiety-inducing territory for transgender people who just want to fit in with everyone else. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her first work retreat where she met new coworkers at an otherwise remote-based company. Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners...

There are times when someone famous shows us their transphobic side or a transgender person makes poor decisions that come to light and they paint a negative image for the transgender community. Both examples actually had their moment in various news outlets this week and for those of us with a transgender partner or spouse, we may get caught in the middle of a fresh batch of transphobia. In this...

The term "trans widow" is one that I thought I related to at first... until I didn't. It is actually quite transphobic and in this episode, I share why it doesn't sit well with me.     Mentioned and Related Links :  National suicide prevention lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) LGBT National Help Center hotline: 1-888-843-4564 International Suicide Hotlines Opinion:  A Letter to "Trans Widows"...

For the first time since my spouse began her transition two and a half years ago, she is looking for a new job opportunity. She is a Latina transgender woman who is fortunate to be educated with a strong support system. Keep in mind that the transgender workforce reports low employment rates, lower salaries, and high discrimination. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her job search experie...

It's Father's Day in the U.S. today and the first Father's Day post-disclosure was rough. Now, two and a half years in, it's not a big deal but I still struggle with how to label my spouse when she's not around. Is labeling my transgender spouse a "spouse" enough or is it necessary to add more or less? Here's how I'm currently working through it.   Places to look for therapy and professional suppo...

June is Pride Month, a time to raise awareness about the LGBTQ+ community, its history and remembering the Stonewall Uprising, current issues facing the community… and it's a time to celebrate diversity and acceptance, hope, progress, joy. I love that allyship is strong this month. Let's explore how one can be a great ally to the LGBTQ+ community this month plus all year.     Related Resources:  A...

A main giveaway that someone might be transgender is their voice. Speaking as a transgender person can be daunting and in this episode, I talk to my spouse about her road to sounding more feminine with the help of vocal therapy.     Related Resources:  American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) : includes list of resources and how to find them Stanford Health Care: LGBTQ+ Health Program  ...

I ask my spouse a few questions about her experience as a transgender woman using public restrooms.    Related Resources:  Article - The 19th: How You Can Make Bathrooms Safer for Trans and Nonbinary People Resource - Refuge Restrooms : a web application that seeks to provide safe restroom access for the LGBTQ+ community Resource (PDF) - OSHA: A Guide to Restroom Access for Transgender Workers   R...

The idea that a transgender person should not be permitted to use a public restroom that aligns with their gender identity is misunderstood and places the safety of a transgender person in jeopardy. This episode touches the surface from my viewpoint as someone who lives with a transgender person.   Mentioned and Related Resources:  Article - Advocate: Transgender People Confronted in Florida Bathr...

In this episode, I take a moment to share an overview of…you! Several of you have taken time to write to me and it means so much. You, listeners, are a diverse, interesting, wonderful group of people and I appreciate you.   More transgender families:  YouTube Channel: Great Scotts YouTube Channel: Jammidodger YouTube Channel: The Rage The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Thei...

Anger is one of the first and lingering emotions that occur when a spouse discloses that they are transgender; lingering as in years. How does one let go of that anger and move forward? In this episode, I offer a few ideas of where to start and it requires being willing to accept that it is time to make changes.   Mentioned in this episode: Waiting to Exhale movie: Angela Bassett car fire scene (a...

After a death in my spouse's family, she has her first interaction with her dad in a very long time. Can someone who is unsupportive about their child's transition come around and realize that transgender people are just people? Possibly. For my spouse, her dad has taken a positive step forward.    Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Straight Pa...

My transgender spouse mentioned that she wants to be addressed as female at all times, including our past. For me, it doesn't feel honest because I have only been married to a transgender woman for two years vs. 13 years with a male. In this episode, we chat about the issue from both perspectives and ultimately, there is no real solution except to take it case-by-case.     Places to look for thera...

I ask our 10-year-old son how he is feeling since his male-to-female parent, my spouse, had facial feminization surgery (FFS) a few months ago in December. Judging by his responses, I needlessly worried about how he would do.   Resources for Kids & Families:  COLAGE   Book - She's My Dad Book - He's My Mom Book - No One Owns the Colors Book - The World Needs More Purple People Book - It's Okay to...

In this episode, I share my real feelings about FFS before and after, and my spouse discusses how things look and feel two months post-surgery.     Articles and Resources for Transgender Health: Global Resource:  World Professional Association for Transgender Health   Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Resource list for Trans Healthcare Providers   UCLA Health: FFS Improves Quality of Lif...

Early in December, my spouse had facial feminization surgery (FFS). The day before her surgery, we recorded a brief discussion to share with you about why she felt she was ready for it, if she was worried about how our 10-year-old son might react, and any other concerns she might have. As someone living with a transgender person, I now understand how important this step can be toward treating gend...

Two years ago on New Year's Eve, my husband came out to me as a transgender woman. That was a dark day. But change is constant and this is the first year since disclosure that I'm looking forward to celebrating the day again.  In this episode, I share what has changed in two years to reach this point.    Places to look for therapy and professional support: Psychology Today Coaching for Cis & Strai...

The rougher part of the holidays after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: dealing with friends and family at gatherings or coworkers and acquaintances at events. Whether you attend alone or together, 'tis the season to set boundaries and prepare ahead of time so you're not caught off guard.   Mentioned in this episode:  The Daily Show: Leslie Jones Stops your Annoying Relatives from...

Let's start the new season of the podast with a portion of the holidays that you can control after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: checking in with yourself. Take a deep breath, listen to yourself, and find something positive.   Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:  The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Trans...

  The podcast returns December 10 but today, the first season ends with a list of lessons I've learned since my spouse came out almost two years ago. Thank you for listening, reaching out, and taking time out of your day to share this journey with me. I hope you find these helpful:   Be kind to yourself Take your time making decisions Find empathy Allow yourself to grieve Find a great therapist fo...

Deciding to stay married to a spouse who comes out as transgender is a big decision for a variety of reasons. In this episode, you get an idea of how my spouse and I make our marriage work as we approach the two year mark of her coming out as a transgender woman. There are no guarantees; one day at a time.    Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:  The Cut: My Husban...

My spouse returns as a guest to discuss how she came out to her parents and brother as transgender and the challenges along the way. It took several months to build the courage to break the news and brace for any negative outcomes.   Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:  The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations C...