Straight War Bets
Stonks Gone Wrong
A savage daily roast of the dumbest moves in the stock market. From clueless CEOs and meme stock meltdowns to shady earnings calls and Wall Street’s worst takes — we break the news and break down laughing. Think CNBC, but if the hosts were Reddit mods with nothing to lose. No financial advice. Just unfiltered market chaos, sarcasm, and stonk carnage. New episodes daily.
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Episodes
August 29, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 29.08.2025 3:05
August 29, 2025 – Markets reacted to significant corporate developments as PepsiCo announced a $585 million investment to increase its stake in Celsius. Meanwhile, the University of Phoenix filed for an IPO, marking a shift in its growth strategy. Spirit Airlines faced scrutiny as it awarded executive bonuses amidst its second bankruptcy, prompting speculation about potential asset absorption by a...
August 28, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 28.08.2025 6:22
August 28, 2025: Marvell’s shares decline following disappointing earnings amid AI market expectations. In contrast, Virgin Australia reports a strong annual profit, citing steady demand. Federal Reserve's Waller supports a series of interest-rate cuts over the next six months, while China's efforts to strengthen the yuan reflect growing economic optimism. Japanese stocks are predicted to continue...
August 27, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 27.08.2025 3:07
August 27, 2025 - US futures declined following underwhelming results from Nvidia, impacting market sentiment. Urban Outfitters experienced a sell-off despite reporting a strong quarter, raising concerns among analysts. In contrast, Snowflake surged as investors reacted positively to its earnings beat and AI momentum. Mineral Resources reported a significant loss driven by weakness in lithium pric...
August 26, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 26.08.2025 4:20
Date: August 26, 2025. Asian stocks are poised to rebound as investors await Nvidia's results, while AMD's stock continues to rise amid heightened competition with Nvidia. Lilly's obesity pill trial results have garnered positive feedback from Wall Street. A BMO-led group is working to alleviate stuck debt related to HIG's Converge buyout. In political news, Rep. Maxine Waters expresses Democratic...
August 24, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 24.08.2025 4:12
On August 24, 2025, U.S. stock futures remained flat following a rally sparked by the Federal Reserve. Asian markets are expected to advance after signals of a potential pivot from Fed Chair Jerome Powell. Pilbara Minerals reported its first annual loss in four years, while concerns grow over Guzman y Gomez's slowing growth impacting its stock. Retailers face low expectations ahead of earnings, co...
August 23, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 23.08.2025 4:32
August 23, 2025 – U.S. markets showed mixed movements as inflation is expected to edge up, influenced by Fed Chair Powell's comments on the job market. The Russell 2000 is gaining attention for its potential to outperform the S&P 500. In corporate news, the European Central Bank's Christine Lagarde noted the resilience of the labor market amid economic challenges. A recent paper from Jackson H...
August 22, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 22.08.2025 2:39
August 22, 2025: Markets reacted to mixed signals regarding Federal Reserve policy, with analysts like JPM's David Kelly suggesting a 50 basis point rate cut could be on the table. Job data released has been pivotal in shaping expectations for future rate decisions. Furniture company stocks declined as former President Trump announced a probe into furniture imports, hinting at potential tariffs. M...
August 20, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 20.08.2025 3:56
On August 20, 2025, U.S. stocks experienced a decline while bond prices rose ahead of Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell's speech. Analysts noted a sell-off in tech stocks attributed to AI fatigue, with Jefferies’ Thill highlighting the trend. SoftBank's potential turnaround strategy for Intel was discussed, while Carvana's stock faced pressure linked to Amazon's market moves. AIA reported an inc...
August 19, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 19.08.2025 4:00
August 19, 2025: Asian stocks faced pressure following a decline in U.S. tech shares, with traders opting for costly "disaster" puts to hedge their positions. Intel's stock surged due to a significant investment from SoftBank and discussions of a potential U.S. government stake, though analysts caution the rally may falter. In the U.S., last-minute flight bookings create uncertainty for airlines....
August 18, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 18.08.2025 3:47
On August 18, 2025, Asian stocks showed subdued movements ahead of the Jackson Hole economic symposium. The Chinese yuan is projected to strengthen past 7 per dollar, according to top economists. BHP reported a 26% decline in full-year profit due to pressure on key exports. Nvidia's bullish outlook has gained traction among Wall Street analysts, while Palo Alto Networks’ stock surged following pro...
August 17, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 17.08.2025 4:26
August 17, 2025: Leapmotor's stock surged 200%, positioning it as a leading EV contender in China. Asian markets opened cautiously ahead of crucial Ukraine negotiations. BlueScope reported a decline in FY earnings due to a global steel capacity glut. U.S. stock futures rose slightly following the Trump-Putin summit, as Wall Street anticipates the Fed's Jackson Hole meeting. National Australia Bank...
August 16, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 16.08.2025 4:17
August 16, 2025: Central bankers gather at Jackson Hole amid critical discussions impacting global markets. Stocks are under pressure as concerns grow over potential corporate tax implications from Trump’s policies. The sentiment in stock portfolios reflects a seasonal downturn as summer ends. In corporate news, Echo Investment's real estate unit completes a €565 million sale in Poland, while Medi...
August 15, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 15.08.2025 3:38
August 15, 2025: U.S. corporate bond spreads hit a 27-year low amid rising investor enthusiasm. Robinhood reports retail investors showed interest in UnitedHealth before Warren Buffett’s engagement. Opendoor shares surge as bullish sentiment grows. In the retail sector, Mimi Cheng’s Dumplings announces expansion into Whole Foods. Key geopolitical discussions unfold as Trump and Putin meet, highlig...
August 14, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 14.08.2025 5:01
August 14, 2025: Intel's stock surged amid speculation of potential government support from Trump. David Tepper acquired shares in UnitedHealth while reducing exposure to China. Asian markets are poised for a weak opening as US rally momentum falters. Bullish continues to see stock gains, defying typical summer IPO trends. Google forms an unexpected partnership with a bitcoin miner in the AI secto...
August 13, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 13.08.2025 4:16
On August 13, 2025, Bitcoin surged to a new record high as corporate interest continues to expand. Asia stocks are projected to rise amid growing momentum for a potential Federal Reserve rate cut. Cisco reported an earnings beat driven by increased AI demand, yet its stock declined. Miami International Exchange successfully raised $345 million in its IPO. Telstra announced an additional share buyb...
August 12, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 12.08.2025 3:07
August 12, 2025: Eli Lilly executives are purchasing shares following a recent decline in stock price. B. Riley reports improved net income estimates for the second quarter. Evolution Mining sees profits more than double amid rising gold prices, while CoreWeave's mixed earnings disappoint investors, leading to a stock drop as losses widen from data center investments. Cava faces a stock tumble aft...
August 11, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 11.08.2025 3:25
On August 11, 2025, markets showed mixed movements ahead of key economic indicators. Intel's stock gained momentum following a positive comment from Trump regarding its CEO's recent White House visit. In contrast, BigBear.ai's stock fell sharply after disappointing earnings results. Asian stocks remained subdued as investors awaited the upcoming US inflation data. In the cryptocurrency sector, Bit...
August 10, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 10.08.2025 3:28
August 10, 2025: U.S. stock futures edge up as investors anticipate upcoming inflation reports. Oil prices continue to decline amid speculation surrounding potential Trump-Putin discussions. Asian markets are poised for a subdued opening ahead of critical economic data. In corporate news, Nvidia and AMD plan to allocate 15% of their chip revenue from China to the U.S. government. BHP is spearheadi...
August 09, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 09.08.2025 4:02
August 09, 2025 - U.S. inflation is projected to rise as higher tariffs impact prices. The Federal Reserve faces internal pressure for rapid interest rate cuts, with Governor Bowman advocating for three reductions this year. Stock buybacks are surging, indicating potential shifts in corporate strategies that could affect investor portfolios. In trade news, Mexico has set tomato export prices to ea...
August 08, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 08.08.2025 3:08
August 08, 2025: The stock market sees mixed movements as investors weigh the implications of upcoming tariffs. Gold continues to outperform Bitcoin as a safe haven, reflecting ongoing economic uncertainty. In corporate news, Sweetgreen reports declining customer interest in premium salads. Meanwhile, FlyJets experiences a surge in private jet rentals amid rising demand. Additionally, Fannie Mae a...
August 07, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 07.08.2025 5:00
August 07, 2025: Market sentiment shows caution as Asia stocks prepare for a subdued opening following a cooling Wall Street. Firefly's stock surged amid strong investor interest in its recent IPO, while Upwork's CEO noted a rising trend among Gen Z for digital tools. Vistra reported electricity demand mimicking 1990s levels, driven by AI and crypto sectors. Block, led by Dorsey, raised its foreca...
August 06, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 06.08.2025 4:38
On August 06, 2025, U.S. futures rose as markets reacted to recent developments, including Trump’s potential nomination of a temporary Fed Governor and his tariff threats on chip stocks, which Nvidia and others are currently overcoming. DoorDash saw a surge in stock prices due to increased consumer delivery orders. In contrast, Lyft struggled against Uber following mixed earnings reports. Addition...
August 05, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 05.08.2025 5:25
August 05, 2025 – AMD's stock declines despite a positive earnings forecast, raising concerns over potential impacts from China. Bank of America announces the hiring of Morgan Stanley's Giardinelli to lead its Natural Resources division. JPMorgan reports strong earnings in Japan, outperforming foreign competitors amid a deals boom. Meanwhile, concerns grow as penny-pinching consumers question Indo...
August 04, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 04.08.2025 4:01
August 04, 2025 - Markets are reacting to a potential Wall Street rally, with Asian stocks poised to follow suit. Hims & Hers reported promising growth but saw its stock decline. Denny’s shared mixed insights on the restaurant sector ahead of earnings reports from larger competitors. In regulatory news, the CFTC is considering allowing futures exchanges to trade spot cryptocurrency. Meanwhile,...
August 03, 2025 - Stonks Gone Wrong Market Update 03.08.2025 3:27
Date: August 03, 2025. U.S. stock futures rose following a decline on Wall Street, while Asian stocks are expected to fall as traders reduce risk exposure. Japan's market faces potential drops due to U.S. economic data raising growth concerns. Oil prices decreased after OPEC+ extended output increases, intensifying worries over a supply glut. Meanwhile, top Federal Reserve officials remain cautiou...
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