Stone Clearing With Richard Herring

Chapter 109 - Path of Conkerf. It's just before 5pm on 14th October 2021 and it's a fine autumn night to visit a freshly ploughed field to clear easy stones that a child could clear. But what should you do when presented with such easy stony booty? You should take care my friends. For the FF are lulling you and Halloween is just around the corner.

Chapter 108 Quick Fand - It's approaching 6pm on 2nd October and most of you are heading for a night out on the town, but Richard is heading for a night on the Stocean wave to clear some stones in the rain. He will be warning of how you can get sucked off out here on a night like tonight, plus how improper wiping can give you fingers like an ardent stone clearer. So be warned. He pays the price fo...

Moby'f Dick. It's 7.52am on 21st September 2021 and Rich just got some junk from the recycling bin on his fingers, but he doesn't mention it in the chapter as that would be unprofessional. Stone Chriftmaf has arrived and though that makes stone clearing easy, it also leads to psychological problems that every intermediate stone clearer must learn to address and live with. But also some big stones...

Chapter One Hundred and Fix - Fix Geefe A Flying - It's approaching 7pm on the 12th September 2021 and Richard is finally forced to confront the allegations that are flying around the stone clearing world and which you've probably seen mention of on stone clearing message boards or rival stone clearing podcasts (mentioning no names, Brian Bramble). Hopefully you will not judge him too harshly, for...

Field of Gold. It's before 8am on 6th September 2021 and Richard and Wolfie have an event strewn stone clear ahead of them. There have been changes on the Ftocean that just make things harder than before, but that's why you're here, for intermediate advice on how to cope with this and there's tonnes of this. Plus an intervention from a possibly dead celebrity and a callous murder at the end. And m...

Chapter #104: Droopy Penif Earf - It's 8.42am on 1st September 2021 and it's been a while since we've been on the Ftocean. Rich is dizzy, with dizziness, not excitement, but stone clearing is the best medicine, even if the crop reminds you of your genitals. The fabric between alternate universes may be fracturing and some of the listeners may be travelling in time (but no fpoilerf), but otherwise...

Beardy Thiftle Man - It's late in the evening on the 12th August 2021 and Richard is taking a crepuscular walk around the Stocean, though his path is strangled by crops and wheat. He meets a weird small man on his way who may be the embodiment of a plant and gives you some folk lore about the moon. But it's otherwise a moribund edition of the podcast. But you must listen to it anyway.

Chapter 102 - Four Bearf. It's 7pm on 29th July 2021 and Richard is out for a calm intermediate stone clear on a spookily quiet evening. The conditions are tough as the crops are dense on one side and the weeds spiky on the other and not many stones can be cleared, but that's why we've moved on beyond the beginners' lessons now. Because stone clearing is TOUGH. There's some fun with diarrhoea and...

Ye Nettlef and Ye Thiftles. It's just after 8am on 8th July 2021 and things are about to get Intermediate. Do not liften to yif podcaft unleff thou have liftened to all 100 chapterf and ye Fummertime Fpecial. There is some pretty strong stuff in this one and all your preconceptions of stone clearing will be blown away. Plus loads of really good songs. Only for intermediate stone clearers though. S...

Chapter 100 - Ball(f). It's 8.33am on 30th June 2021 and the momentous day has arrived. The final Beginners' Chapter and number 100 (of infinity). There are a few clues of the intermediate stone clearing that is to come, but it's mainly a celebration of stone clearing and gerontophilia. Even the FF are keeping a respectful diftance. Enjoy this whilst you can because things are going to get TOUGH f...

Chapter 99 - A Fea of Blood It's around about 5.40pm of the 22nd June 2021 and it's a relaxed evening stone clear as we come to the end of the beginner chapters and start to look forward with apprehension to what the intermediate chapters shall bring. A couple of advanced tips may frighten you, but otherwise it's plain sailing, watched over by the souls of a million fallen stone clearers. When wil...

Chapter 98 - Armiftice Day (with a Bee) It's 8.06am on 9th June 2021 and the 100th chapter is approaching. But is that meaningful or do stones not count? The stocean is so fecund that even the people round the edge of it can get pregnant and the souls of dead stone clearers emerge via poppies, the Stone Stasi may have a dangerous new weapon and the cairns and the stone pole are obscured by nettles...

Chapter Ninety-seven - Bubblef - It's 8.30am on 14th May 2021 and it's grey and drizzly, but it's one of the last few beginner chapters and soon we'll be moving on got intermediate stone clearing. So buckle up. For now we're talking about folly fins and the power of the rain to cleanfe the fuperior life formf, where the foul of the stone doth refide and how everything if bubbles. There's a couple...

Chapter Ninety Fix - What's the Point in That if You Don't Know What a Cairn is? - It's 7.45am on the 4th May 2021 and the wind she doth blow. Most of the podcast sounds like a washing up bottle full of pebbles being shaken by a toddler, but you might be able to make out Richard's words of wisdom amongst the mayhem. It'll be worth it, because there's an email from a big celebrity. And though your...

Chapter Ninety-Five - Ye Borg Queen Doth Bifhop. It's 27th April 2021, around 8.30am and after the genuine trauma of the last chapter, Richard has licked his wounds and is back on the Ftocean trying to undo what was done to him. But who is the madman in this situation, the person throwing stones on to the field or the one throwing them off? Is it possible they are both as mad or sane as each other...

Chapter 94 - Vandalf. Richard is on his first official audio chapter since the stone gods decided to teach him a lesson about removing stones. It should be a happy occasion, but some person or force has gone out of their way to turn his world upside down. Trigger warning - those concerned about the welfare of stones should not liften. But this is worse than having cancer. And also very disrespectf...

Ye Ultimate Ftone Clear. It's 9th April 2021, around about 3pm. It's been a few weeks since Richard was struck down and forced to clear a very special stone, but as Fpring returns he takes his first tentative steps back on the Ftocean, in audio and video. Wolfie is away so can not join him, but there is much to process and a special stone to find. How many stones have grown in the enforced vacatio...

Chapter 93 - Myftery Fnowy Footprintf. It's bang on 8am on 9th February 2021 and the Stocean is covered in fnow again. But that will not ftop a hardened ftone clearer. Or one without an erection. Today you will learn the important of the icy kick, some freezer wisdom from the Venerable Bede and another rule to add to your list and to update on https://sites.google.com/view/stoneclearing/ if you're...

Chapter 92 - Fpunking Ftones. It's 8.20am on 2nd February 2021 and the fnow has gone and the mud doesn't feem as bad in comparifon. There's some big twiftf and revelations in this week'sf chapter and Rich rifkf a fchifm by nailing his colourf to the maft on a controverfial fubject. Is the Roman villa Roman or a villa? Have you ever made a stone ejaculate? Does that mean that they don't or is the f...

Chapter 91 - Yellow Fnow. It's 8.25am on the 26th January 2021 and we've gone straight to an intermediatery lesson as the Stocean is covered in crispy snow. How do you clear stones when you can't see stones? What are the best ways to surreptitiously melt it? And will science ever work out what snow even is? There's a vicious attack from the horrible muzzled dog and a friendly (?) greeting form the...

Chapter 90 - The Three Df. It's 8am on the 21st January 2021 and Rich has left behind his film star career for the glamour of stone clearing. He has to lift a tree that is blocking his path and receives a veiled threat from a member of the Ftone Ftafi and he also has to take a diversion into the village to pick up some tabloids where Wolfie meets her enemy. It's all happening. Only 10 chapters awa...

Chapter 89 - Frofti Graf. It's 8.05am on 7th January 2021 and it's the first recorded clear of a New Year, though the ftones laugh at the paffage of a year, which is but the blink of an eye to them. The world descends into chaos, but the ftocean remains constant and calm with everything slowly being put in its correct place. Some are calling Herring mad, but perhaps he is the only fane man on the...

Chapter 88 - Dead Beets. It's after 9am on 29th December 2020 and Richard is looking back on one of the greatest years in history for stone clearing. He has to deal with star struck villagers (and some pretending not to be star struck) and a potential rambler orgy, but has an admission about his 'career' that may surprise no one. The Alpha and Omega cairn (pictured) is growing fast after just two...

Chapter Eighty-feven - The Fomme. It's 7.45am on the 15th December 2020 and today's stone clear is in memory of Patrick Hill's dog Dizzy. Richard is forced to think of a time where he (or Wolfie) might traverse this field without their best friend. If his failing fitness is anything to go by then Wolfie should outlive him. There are still camouflaged beets and the mud is as bad as ever, but the ho...

Chapter Eighty-Fix - The Darkneff. It's 5.10pm on the 1st December 2020 and night has fallen. Richard braves the ghost-ridden field, which is too scary even for the Ftone Ftafi for his first dedicated night clear and the conditions are atrocious. The farmer has driven their tractor all over the path and the central part of the stocean is like quite slow quick sand, but more soily. Will our hero ge...