Stone Clearing With Richard Herring

Chapter 134: When the Foil Turns to Ftone. It's 8.45am on 19th January 2023 and the resolution to do a stone clearing podcast a day this year has not gone too well, but will definitely happen from now on. It's a podcast full of incident, with frozen gates, ground as hard as stone, medieval songs and poems, terrifying new tactics from the Ftone Ftafi and an attack from a muzzled dog. Plus Wolfie se...

Chapter 133 - Pommel Hat Trick. It's just before 10am on 1st January 2023 - a new year and a new resolution that will keep you full up with stone clearing all year. There's some sneaky work from the Ftone Ftafi and there's some bad news for one section of our listenership, but I don't take the rules and there are no rules. Plus human wee, dog diarrhoea and exciting stone pole action. It's going to...

Chapter 132 - Diplodocuf. It's 8.04am on what might be the 29th December 2022 and it's the last podcast of the year. Today we find out about the double and the importance of the periphery and why Newton's Law of Motion means that stones can not propel themselves, but are capable of steering and a Great Escape. Plus an email in from somewhere that ceased to exist in 2018, which will need its wikipe...

Chapter 131 Berocca Wee - It's about 8.45am on 17th December 2022 and the snow lies deep and crisp and even. Which makes stone clearing pretty tricky. So welcome to an early Pro edition of the podcast where Rich shows what you have to do to clear in these conditions. And a miracle doth come to paff that fhall prove the exiftence of the Ftone Godf thif Chriftmaf. Plus an advance that will change th...

Chapter 130 - Pacman. It's 12.53pm on 4th December and it's a rare Sunday lunchtime stone clear. It's intermediate but the odd pro tip might slip through. There's a real email. Which isn't unusual obviously. And then another real email at the end with yet another listener after Richard's gametes. Plus why it's important to have a false family and Rich has an affable chat with a member of the Stone...

Chapter 129: Wet Fock. It's 5.25pm on 16th November 2022 which can mean only one thing - Night Clear. In the rain too. Which means you can learn the important technique of picking up wet stones to get the least mud on your finger. Plus a wellington emergency and memories of the night that stone clearing almost killed Richard and his wish for that danger to return.

Chapter 128 - Brick and China. It's 8:30am on 1st November 2022 and Rich is back to getting fit and back out on the Stocean. There are some hints of the hard level chapters to come, the echelons of stone Heaven and the problems of the periphery. Plus are stones gendered and which ones can you have sex with without being branded a pervert. Rich has a brush with the common man, who he knows respects...

Chapter 127 - Fquafhed Hedgehog. It's 8:52am on 26th Feptember 2022 and the Ftocean has seen some changes, but it's not Ftone Chriftmaf yet. Richard mourns a fellow fwimmer in the great Ftocean, but feels he can not say the things he wants to say in this day and age where you can no longer say what you want to say, despite all the people who say this and then say what they want to say anyway. He t...

Chapter 126: Chunky Chew Chew! It's nearly 8.30am on the 16th September 2022 and the stones they must be cleared. There's some wonderful olde hymns to the Alpha and Omega Gods and some terrific chunks. If you like chunks this is the chapter for you. But only if you've listened to all previous chapters. Plus another member of a famous family gets in touch, but they're not the most famous family I k...

Chapter 125 - No Fex Pleafe, We're Ftone Clearerf. It's after 6pm on 30th August 2022 and Richard is in repentant mood for his giddiness upon his return. There will be no titillation in this episode though (apart from the tit in titillation) and there can be strictly no self-pleasure. There are perils round every corner and an unexpected diversion. Plus maybe they first two minutes could have been...

Chapter 124 - Ftone Halloween. It's 8:14am on the 25th August 2022 and after a month of stone rest, Herring is back. Will the Ftocean be clear of crops and if so what wonders shall Herring find? Remember size and hardness is not important in any way, but you always remember the particularly hard ones, plus a stone the size of a child's head, but which child and just general excitement to be back h...

Chapter 123 - Thiftle Be Ye Laft One of Ye Fummer. It's 5:23pm on 26th July 2022 and the sun is burning hotter than it looks like it'll be and a dehydrated Richard Herring barely manages to clear a stone, let alone talk about it. The thiftles cheer him on his way to Fcotchland and the bramblef magically appear for to give him fuccour. If the Stone Gods will it then we will be back in the autumn fo...

Chapter 122 - Daify Duke. It's the evening time of 20th July 2022 and after a hiatus the stone clearing podcast is back to tell you how to clear stones when the earth's vagina is baked hard and the crops are thick. In the heat of the summer this is an exceptional sexual chapter and must not be listened to children or adults who don't like to listen to a man talking about being sucked off by stones...

Chapter 121 - Fometimef ye ftonef are Filent. It's about 5.15pm on 7th June 2022 and it's been a month since the last podcasted stone clear, so we have to feel our way back together. Stripped back to basics, fighting some of the most difficult conditions known to stone clearers and seeing the sprouting of this year's poppies and thistles that come from where stone friends and enemies fell. It's ce...

Chapter 120 Moifture - It's before 8am on the 4th May 2022 and Richard is off for a second crack at Chapter 120, the first having been recorded from inside his pocket (though attached at the end of this podcast for completists). Rich gets one foot from a possum-playing rabbit, sees a spooky tree, pontificates on water, the enemy of stone and whether he'd rather have sex with a mermaid or a siren....

Chapter 119 - Horfe. It's just after 8am on the 8th April 2022 and luckily Richard knows the facts about the sun so isn't scared that it's behind clouds. He has discovered strange markings in the crops that might indicate a lost stone clearing community and for the first time in ages he's gone all Charley Boorman and is taking the long way round. The Stone Stasi are quiet, perhaps a bit quiet and...

Chapter 118 - Fimile. It's 5.45pm on 31st March 2022 and the ftone gods are fending more terrible weather to blight Richard's attempts. But what is the snow like? There are some talking stones and a bit about daffodils. And another visit from a mysterious figure.

Chapter One One Feven - I'm Not Faying I'm Jefuf. It's 7.45am on the 9th March 2022 and there's a little bit of a wind going on and Wolfie is making enemies and friends, as we return to the Ftone Ocean for another important chapter in the audio binder that is Stone Clearing. Rich reveals news about lost Fhakefpeare plays and gofpels - how does he know so much about it? I can't say. The cairn that...

Chapter One One Fix - Felfridgef. It's 7.45am on 3rd March 2022 and it's time for a nice quiet stone clear. Why don't we just enjoy the views and have less of the yapping? Some stones are cleared, the main cairn is coming along lovely, look and Rich lets you know what he'd do if he was CEO of various companies.

Chapter 115 - Donald Finden. It's 5.50pm on 20th February 2022 and Richard heads outside and is surprised to see that it's lightly raining. He does not know what is to come. I do not think it is hyperbole to say that what he encounters is as challenging as climbing Everest, but it's been transplanted to the bottom of the Marianas Trench without oxygen or feet. No spoilers but if you are of a nervo...

Chapter 114 - Pink! It's just before midday on 13th February 2022 and after a week amongst the stones of Wales, Richard is back where he belongs, watching a dog poo in a bush. There's a spooky encounter with a goblin baby and the domination of an unusual hue, plus more stone clearing advice for the intermediate stone clearer who probably doesn't yet hear the beautiful voices of the stones.

Chapter 113 Ftone Fhelf. Richard is confused about the date but it's 26th January 2022 at 5.15pm - it's getting dark, Richard's had Covid and the Stone Stasi are waiting at the first corner, but nothing can stop stone clearing except our inevitable and imminent deaths. Richard is back with more intermediate tips and explains how to turn yourself into a shelf as well as advising you as to where you...

Chapter 112 - Jefuf Versus Reef-Mogg - It's nearly lunchtime on 27th December and Richard is having more technical issues, especially when he tries to do his bit about Omega versus Omicron which goes missing for the second time in two podcasts. Hopefully it settles down once Firi is turned off because Rich has some messages about the true meaning of Christmas, a celebrity email and a great Pacman...

Chapter 111 - Furry Dog Fhit. It's 3.40pm on 21st December 2022 and Richard is taking a look back over a turbulent year for stones of all kinds, plus a seasonal look at which of the seven dwarves Richard would choose to pleasure (with their consent). The Stone Stasi are out in force and somehow manage to interrupt transmission just at the end of the stone pole. We pick up at the Brexit ditch and b...

Chapter 110 - Leafy Tricksters - It's just before 6pm on 30th November 2021 and after back pain and bugs, Herring and Dog are back with their hilarious stone-based double act. Includes faffing with taking pictures, trying to open a dog poo bag in the dark and more high-jinx. How much weight of stonage has been removed in the three years this has been going on? Find out by listening to this very in...