Stellar Firma

Episode 48 Faces and Aces CLIENT - Tracer P. Zazz Cage, The Face. The Face needs quarters not infested by space cats and it is starting to affect their mission critical work, the work of being The Face. Expeditors’ recommendations: general gushing, do not succumb to the cylindrical cats, force it to be worse to force it to be better, avoid further con…..ALERT, FILE CORRUPTION, SYSTEMS OVERRIDE DET...

Episode 47 Weatherboy and Working Out   CLIENT - Welby Weatherby (Weatherboy), Maintenance - Atmospheric Control Monitor Welby, a consistently misnamed Atmospheric Control Monitor, would like to be known by his proper name and not his mean nickname. Expeditors’ recommendations: mind your lung-bottom, ruin the meter, IMOGEN is a social influencer, heed the memo, indiscriminate nickna...

Episode 46 Gonk and Grandiosity  CLIENT - Gonk, Cleaning - Disgruntled  Gonk, a disgruntled and mopless cleaner, would like to have basic equipment and respect in return for his years of thankless service. Expeditors’ recommendations: Oh Gonk, weapons equal respect; mutually assured hammers; obey all the Trexmandments; find out which kind of god you are. Comedic Violence Emotional Abuse...

Episode 45 Cages and Connivance CLIENT - Expediting Review ALERT - Org Chart updated, unspecified alterations to reporting structure, unscheduled additions to Executing Track shortlist. Comedic Violence Emotional Abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to this week's Patrons: Anna Stachia, SimonFeliks, Monica Quirk, doopliss, Tori, SelfAware, Mollie, AirmidCelt, Dian Syafeeqah, Ivy Piper, lilikoi, Maja Fl...

Episode 44 Misunderstandings and Mediation  CLIENT - Axel Nee Juul, Legal - Blame Deflection and Excuses  Axel Nee Juul, a Creative Writer in the Legal department is looking for assistance with an ongoing attack from a pack of rabid prosecutors.  Expeditors’ recommendation: bring in a mediator, shake it out, smile through it, accept the hatred and silence, try the old switcheroo, j'...

Episode 43 Detectives and Detonations  CLIENT - Kathbier Ninden, Office of Redundancy and Explosion Management  Kathbier, a Planetside Relations Programmer would like assistance with the exponential growth of solar system destroying explosions. Expeditors' recommendation: extended noir scenes, rejection of reality, follow the money, take it to the top, take it to a different top, apply b...

Episode 42 Push-Ups and Privilege  CLIENT - Doug Whimperton, Marketing Doug, an A.A.S.S.U.S.S.D.M. from Marketing, would like to not have very similarly named co-workers with the surname Whimperton. Expeditors' recommendations: let the board take care of it, Whimperton murder, be drunk on privilege, feed your rival to the ground to make it drunk. ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external...

Episode 41 Exile and Expediting  CLIENT - Drydon Quigley, Security ALERT - Department reassignment.  Drydon, a General Thug from Security would like to be rescued from a locked security office.  Expeditor’s recommendation - goad the gun walls, wait out the problem (life), try not to worry about it too much, don't get compacted. ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external control...

And now a statement from Rusty Quill CEO, Alexander J Newall with some updates on the current state of operations at Rusty Towers, as of 25th March 2020. For a full transcript of this statement, visit http://rustyquill.com/ceo-statement-on-covid-19/ Join our community: WEBSITE: rustyquill.com FACEBOOK: facebook.com/therustyquill TWITTER: @therustyquill REDDIT: reddit.com/r/RustyQuill EMAIL: mail@r...

Episode 40 Grudges and Gauntlets  CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external control links detected. Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Mortal peril This week's Patrons: Jennifer Southerland, Travis Boillat, Ali Cillov, Berlin Kofoed, Agnieszka Bogdan, Curtis Y Takahashi, Emily James, Alix Bernier, Nanna, ealyblu, Evelyn Scidmore, Ori Griffin, Melissa Koetzl...

Episode 39 Gripes and Graduation     CLIENT - Ethel Unction Yeems The client is interested in a planet for the ongoing education and social development of young sentient lifeforms, whether they like it or not. Content Warning for: Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to Imogen Cassidy for this episode's Brief Submission, and this week's Patrons: Kristin Jefford...

Important Announcement: As of 13 March 2020 we will be retiring the name shout-out reward from our Rusty Knight and Rusty Noble tiers of the Patreon. If you have never been a Rusty Knight or Noble ($5 or upwards/month) and still want to have your name read out, you will need to be a Patron (or upgrade your membership if you’re a Rusty Citizen) by midnight GMT on Friday 13th March by visi...

Episode 38 Muscles and Moral Egotism     CLIENT - Yinly Strong The client is interested in a planet on which they can work out and gain rad muscles whilst also raising bees to produce muscle honey.  Content Warning for: Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to Marcela Garcia for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patrons: Ashton, Andrea Paterno...

Episode 37 Tedium and Touching Gestures    CLIENT - Sub-Manager Paxt Scrum The client(s) is/are interested in a dangerous location for team building purposes. Suggested sales tactics: narrative constructs, feigned interest, tedium pits, olive branches.  Content Warning for: Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to bittercape for this episode's Brief Submission a...

Episode 36 Spies and Subterfuge    CLIENT - Agent 42069 of the [REDACTED] Agency The client(s) is/are interested in a facility to train and test spies. Suggested sales tactics: Spy on the spy, Trenchcoat!, Xylophagia, Portable AI. Content Warning for: Panic attacks Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to Astrid Grenzdörffer & Britt Beerbohm for this episode's B...

Episode 35 Planets and Protagonists CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - TTRPG detected, Security alerted Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism This week's Patrons: Michael Spiral DESERVES Rights, Andy Loth, Daniel Williams, Heather H, Evil Angel, Vivianne Starlight, Coney's Mom, Kay-Jay Bee, Cato, planetsandmagic, Mariada, Stephanie Simon, Melissa Ponce, Olivia Pugh, Tatyana Beck, Brittany, The Pa...

Episode 34 Percy and Perfidiousness   CLIENT - Stefan the Mantis Shrimp The client(s) is/are interested in a planet to celebrate their ten thousandth birthday. Suggested sales tactics: globe thievery, emotional outbursts, unwanted backstory, reckless endangerment, moral quagmires. Content Warning for: Comedic Violence Emotional Abuse Alcoholism. Special thanks to Cato AKA Cato for this episod...

Episode 33 Self-Confidence and Social Influence  CLIENT - Attia Novellia  The client is interested in a planet as a talking point for their social media posts. Suggested sales tactics: rewrite history, engage in destructive nostalgia, brazen hollow mockery, buttery animals. Content Warning for: Gaslighting Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to Hedwig for this epis...

Episode 32 Standards and Swarms  CLIENT - Bee Frost The clients are interested in a factory planet to create their own stars. Suggested sales tactics: ignore the client... entirely. ALERT - INTERNAL I.M.O.G.E.N. OVERRIDE DETECTED, ANY SECRET HATCHES OBSERVED CAN BE NEITHER CONFIRMED NOR DENIED. Content warning for: Poisoning/drugging Sacrificial animals Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoho...

Episode 31 Shells and Shame CLIENT - Kaldor the Chitinous  The client(s) is/are interested in a planet to reflect their hard outer shell and rich inner life. Suggested sales tactics: emotional blackmail, lean in to immorality, ignore personal promises, clean Perkins, burn down the school, shuck the client, *ANOMALY* bio-facsimile leading the meeting. May the Board have mercy on their souls. C...

It's time for a new video project - RQ Streams - with Mike LeBeau (Head of Video; Tim Stoker) and Anil Godigamuwe (Community Manager) as your guides & fellow explorers through the worlds of gaming! And thank you so much to everyone for your support to make things like this possible! Join us weekly on Saturdays, at 3pm GMT - starting 25th January 2020 - at www.twitch.tv/rusty_quill ! Music : "T...

Episode 30 Logic and Line Managers CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - NO SALES LINE MANAGER LOCATED FOR CITIZEN EMPLOYEE T. GEISTMAN (ID 362884) AND BIO FACSIMILE DAVID 7 (ID 95847335). ASSESSING HUMAN RESOURCE DISTRIBUTION…PROMOTION APPROVED, REROUTING LINE MANAGER. Content warning for: Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to this week's Patrons: Jay Grace, Lena, Noj Strebor...

Episode 29 Commerce and Candy CLIENT - Fugatissiman and/or Archexianniam The client(s) is/are interested in a birthday party planet for their niece, Rosie Nix (they are turning 6). Suggested sales tactics: by decree of Trexel the Mighty, exploit work/life unbalance, withhold things wanted, upselling. Content Warning for: Comedic violence Ableism (dissociative disorder) Emotional abuse Alcoholism S...

Mandatory Winter Holiday Client Communiqué Incoming Message from Line Manager Hartro Piltz... Message reads: “So help me Trexel, if you don’t do this board forsaken message I will personally see to it that you spend the next year picking my toenails out of your soft pallet! RECORD A MESSAGE FOR YOUR CLIENTS!”  Response from Consultant Trexel Geistman; *ERROR* MESSAGE UNREADABLE, APPEARS TO BE...

Episode 28 Deities and Determination CLIENT - Kaliah Tallett  Client is interested in a shrine to their mouse god. Suggested sales tactics: shouting, religious deception, surprise, platinum mouse guardians, Kicking Tithe.   Content Warning for: Comedic violence Emotional abuse Alcoholism Special thanks to Marcela Garcia for this episode's Brief Submission and this week's Patron...