Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

We accidentally start as a Game of Thronescast before plunging deep into The Bishop of Counting, Esto Gaza's Secret Pokemon, Mole People, Zorn and Thorn's Cosmic Body Horror, Kuja's Facebook, Cid's faulty gaydar, this game's conference problem, HR versus Cinna, The East Texas Handshake, Garnet gives herself a Mom haircut, hair Fleshlights, and so, so much more! This episode we head from Esto Gaza...

Jim, Matthew and John once again mangle pronunciation of Oeilvert as the party was split between two dungeons and Matthew chose his party so, so wrong. Other topics for your enjoyment: John's buoyancy, being humiliated in Overwatch, Mecha Dory, Jim's Terrible Cactaur Hypothesis, The Hall Of Many (Creepy Baby Doll) Faces, the Terra Discovery Fun Science Center, Matthew's correct observation that Ga...

This week on Square Roots we get panicky in the deep end of Final Fantasy IX as Zidane recovers from his dramatic rescue of Garnet and ignoring Eiko; also: Matthew explains Teen Fortress 2; ignoring a giant laser eye; Courtney Love's I Am Doll Farts; King Cid's Lazy Moving Throne; Matthew dismisses Garnet's depression; Burmecian Rat Kings; King Cid's second transformation; Engineer Zebolt's peacoc...

We welcome our first guest, Vanessa, to our first mailbag episode! Covered in this episode: who is the best and worst Final Fantasy character; the best way to start an RPG; casting the Gilmore Girls and Supernatural Bros as Final Fantasy characters; TV shows and movies as JRPGs; dopey mascot characters; Undertale as an Earthbound successor; your boat insurance needs; Sandstorm!; and so much more!...

On this exciting episode of Square Roots, we finally hit Disc 3 of Final Fantasy IX! Subjects explored include: Shakespearean farts, John can't remember Gilbert and Sullivan for about a whole minute, Matthew drops the bomb that Dr. Tot isn't a guy with a huge nose: he's a bird, New Garnet, nosebleed boners, children's natural fear of Quina, Amarant's weirdly undramatic vendetta, Kuja's Trapper Kee...

In this episode of Square Roots we finish Final Fantasy IX's Disc 2, explore possible explanations for the othering of dwarves, Dave the holy man, the terrible and disturbing marriage between Zidane and Garnet, the terrible-er and disturbing-er marriage between Quina and Vivi, the introduction of Eiko, a debate on the pronunciation of Eiko, the creepiness of the anime trope of a child being in lov...

In this week's Square Roots, Matthew tries out a new robo-Matthew bit that becomes the show's new gold standard and our characters make their way to the ruined Lindblum, where they encounter one hilarious tragedy after another. Jim and John try to dive into Matthew's psyche to figure out why he thinks dead families are so hilarious and we meet the very scary Armodullahan and the strangely Zidane-e...

We start with a brand new glamorous Newsies segment before diving into Out of this World / Another World cage swinging, and emerge deep in the bowels of Alexandria to save the Princess. Topics covered: metal swimsuits, Marcus's giant junk, stomping the crap out of Zorn and Thorn, Beatrix once again decides to stomp you with her irritating Stock Break, Steiner and Beatrix pass the moral event horiz...

It's a dance-filled dance dance-tacular this week as the dancing Burmecians and Cleyrans unite in an effort to fend off Alexandria. It fails. Zidane and Freya promise to protect the tree. They don't. Kuja turns out to perhaps be the Goblin King from Labyrinth, there's a giant mud man marshmallow creature, terrible music, this is what it sounds like when a harp breaks, Sir Fratley comes alive, Glen...

"Anyone who likes pickles are nice people" opens the South Gate guard as we begin Disc 2. This time it's all Steiner and Garnet, Zidane and his gang are all sequestered into a separate quest. We have a chance encounter with Cinna and Marcus at Summit Station, The game spends an inordinate amount time explaining Fantasy Mass Transit Systems this episode, and Matthew isn't having any of it. Marcus i...

Part 4 of our playthrough of Final Fantasy IX opens with some questions: What would a date with Zidane be like? We explore this nightmare possibility, We do some Frog Hunting and pick up the terrifying, H.R. Pufnstuf-alike Quina, a blue mage comic relief character in a game with no real need for either. Fortunately grinding out her blue magic is pretty fun, if you have a FAQ. John gets confused by...

In this week's shocking episode reality is shattered as Jim confesses that he likes Steiner. Meanwhile, the group ventures to Dali where, as Jim puts it, "all the townspeople are stupid." We confront the horror that is being trapped inside a coffin, Vivi has an existential meltdown, friendly black mages are literally melted down, there's about an hour of cutscenes and talking, John posits that not...

We dive deeper into the world of Final Fantasy IX as we venture forth from the ruins of the airship Prima Vista into the clutches of the fairly aptly named Evil Forest. We begin to have our first real fights - you know, ones you can lose - while Steiner is held captive, Vivi and Garnet get into danger, and Zidane has to fight his way out of Tantalus to save the day. Focal points for this episode:...

It's the first real episode of Square Roots, the Classic RPG podcast! We begin with the recently re-released (on iOS and Android anyhow) Final Fantasy IX! So many questions are raised in this episode: does Zidane have the Jonathan Taylor Thomas haircut or the Rachel? What is Cinna wearing? Does Blank have pants? Is Vivi a sad little garbage orphan child? We would explain how Triple Triad works, bu...

In our short little introductory episode we ask: what is Square Roots? What sort of games will we be looking at? Why do some episodes have sound drops? So many questions! But this is a podcast about classic RPGs, whether they're from Japan, Europe or America. Anything over ten years old, and both console and PC RPGs are welcome. We're all about playing old games a chunk at a time and talking about...