Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Legend of Dragoon Part 6: If You'd Like to Learn More About Soa and the Great Tree, Visit Your Local Library Square Roots - Episode 520 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:20 Quest Log: 0:25:15 Level Up: 1:55:30 On this exposition-heavy episode of Square Roots, we dive into the library of Deningrad and meet a real cool dragon! Also: • The Definition of Dead Is You Flop on the Floor • These People Definitely H...

Legend of Dragoon Part 5: Rose's Vaginal Vortex Square Roots - Episode 519 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:07:45 Quest Log: 0:28:50 Level Up: 1:45:00 On this heavy flowing chunker of Sony's Legend of Dragoon, we learn so much about Rose from her Level 3 attack. Every element of it was a surprise. The menstrual blood. The legs spread. How she's like a Vaginal Kirby. Put down a towel, it's a lot.  Also: • Too...

Legend of Dragoon Part 4: Bring A Knife Square Roots - Episode 518 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:06:40 Quest Log: 0:27:30 Level Up: 2:12:00 On this episode, I wrote a special birthday song for Jim! Should I have sang something in my range? Probably! Meanwhile, Kaffi is the breakout star of Sony's classic JRPG Legend of Dragoon because she loves stars and hot goss. Also: • Fantasy Villain Lloyd • Executive...

Legend of Dragoon Part 3: The Gayest Death Scene of All Time! Square Roots - Episode 517 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:05:37 Quest Log: 0:25:00 Level Up: 1:42:04 It's okay for me to write that, as a gay man. There's so much pathos and hand holding and it's all very dramatic. And this is just a chunker of Sony's Legend of Dragoon, a cult classic PlayStation 1 JRPG!  Also: • We Brainstorm Kingdom Hearts 4 •...

Legend of Dragoon Part 2: Shana, You Should Stay Here Square Roots - Episode 516 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:45 Quest Log: 0:42:00 Level Up: 1:54:15 There's an Extra Packed Hot Gaming Gossip this week because every game company has announced everything! Every game you've ever wanted! But in Legend of Dragoon we get another party member, Rose! And we meet a ghost! Also: • Vanessa Explains Her Floor Ban...

Legend of Dragoon Part 1: LAVITZ SLAMBERT! Square Roots - Episode 515 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:02:45 Quest Log: 0:28:50 Level Up: 2:05:00 MATT'S BANISHMENT ENDS! Jim stands the entire time! And we start Sony's Definitely Not Inspired By Final Fantasy VII Legend of Dragoon! It's nice to be back in the comfy cozy PlayStation generation with a real old JRPG we never actually played back in the day. That'...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 6: Ghost Court Square Roots - Episode 514 Hot Gaming Gossip: NOT THIS WEEK! Quest Log: 0:16:34 Level Up: 1:29:30 Sorry for the delay. This episode of Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden is cursed. Everything has gone wrong. But I think you won't be cursed if you listen. Probably. Matt has haunted the podcast. Also: • Matt May Cry • Gay Bear Podcasters Who I Feel Paraso...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 5: I Saw Some Locking, But Not A Lot of Popping Square Roots - Episode 513 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:15 Quest Log: 0:32:58 Level Up: 1:40:50 This time on Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden, we pause before the final confrontation to solve some folks's spooky problems. Also: Also: • I Never Saw Gold Kill A Werewolf • Xcellent Branding of Xbox • Join the Saturn Tier • Gir...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 4: The Hurricane's Made of Problems Square Roots - Episode 512 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:09:05 Quest Log: 0:41:10 Level Up: 1:51:50 Even with Matt gone, we somehow went two and a half hours this chunker. Mostly so Vanessa can tell us about her feelings on Alan Wake II. But we're also talking a lot about Banishers! There's some spooky ghost stories, a mine stuffed with...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 3: Bubsy Says Kid Power! Square Roots - Episode 511 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:03:05 Quest Log: 0:26:32 Level Up: 1:20:25 I promise I only make an Umjammer Lammy joke one time in this episode, and I think that's called restraint. But in this chunker of Dontnod's Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden we meet the amazingly named flopper haired boy Lamentation Haskell, and yes, h...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 2: Red Is A Great Marksman Square Roots - Episode 510 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:04:46 Quest Log: 0:21:40 Level Up: 1:42:20 We're continuing to bust some ghosts, but also power up some ghosts, in this chunker of Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden. We get to meet so many interesting and fun new people, and maybe baby bird out their life juices, or send their ghost bully to h...

Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden Part 1: In 2030, Mickey Could Definitely Shoot You Square Roots - Episode 509 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:03:00 Quest Log: 0:23:15 Level Up: 2:06:45 Get ready to get back to pilgrim times in a Magical 1695! But! But! With ghosts! This week on Square Roots, we start Don'tnod's sleeper hit Banishers: Ghosts of New Eden, and get deep into this world of witchcraft, ghostery, and...

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 4 - Egg Square Roots - Episode 508 Hot Gaming Gossip: 0:07:29 Quest Log: 0:34:00 Level Up: 2:02:00 Everyone prefers Luigi to Mario, right? We identify with the failure, being the lesser brother. Luigi's greatness is that he's relatable. Mario? Boring. But we're not talking about that Nintendo game, we're talking about Link's Awakening, and it's time to wa...

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 3 - Would Will Wright or Sid Meier Win In A Fight? Square Roots - Episode 507 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:07:29 Quest Log: 0:29:54 Level Up: 1:36:45 It turns out that we have the fanciest podcast host in all of podcastdom, as Jim eats his ring pops with a knife and fork. The rest of us, we drool over our fingers as we're supposed to. Also we play the penultimate...

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 2 - Designated Spider Holes Square Roots - Episode 506 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:06:20 Quest Log: 0:34:20 Level Up: 1:56:50 No animal crackers in my soup, no lions and tigers loop-de-loop in this thorough anti Best of Shirley Temple episode of the Square Roots podcast. Things get aquatic as we play the Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, and do both the Catfish...

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening Part 1 - PS3 Twink and PS3 Bear Square Roots - Episode 505 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:30 Quest Log: 0:39:00 Level Up: 2:17:15 Starting off our year of All Bangers No Wangers for real, we've got Link's Awakening! It's a vote winner, as chosen by our audience, and we're all getting into Nintendo's classic adventure. Just don't listen to certain hosts when they say t...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 8 - Scoopin' 'Em Up Like Caviar Square Roots - Episode 504 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:44 Quest Log: 0:26:22 Level Up: 1:55:10 You know, it's not usually Vanessa who says the drink-spitting-out most vile thing you've heard on the podcast, but sometimes it is, and treasure these moments. On this fertile episode of Square Roots Podcast we finish Mass Effect Andromeda, and enco...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 7 - How to Pronounce Yggdrasil  Square Roots - Episode 503 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:55 Quest Log: 0:31:00 Level Up: 1:42:34 Who's to say whether or not trees can grow in space? Only Yggdrasil can. This time on Mass Effect: Andromeda, we have some exciting upside down space ship times! And we get face to face with the big baddie! It's all very dramatic. Also: • There are N...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 6 - Phil Spencer got JobMogged by Asha Sharma Square Roots - Episode 502 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:03:20 Quest Log: 0:38:40 Level Up: 1:44:45 That's right, he should have been out there skillsmaxxing but that opportunity has been... yeeted? Look, I hate to say this, but I'm 46 and I don't know what any of this means. Johnny finally wraps up Evil Vanessa's story with Reyes, wh...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 5 - No One Wants the Splatter-Waggies Square Roots - Episode 501 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:50 Quest Log: 0:38:40 Level Up: 2:03:55 Siri; is Reyes Elf Slut? This and so many more important facts about Mass Effect: Andromeda are revealed in this exciting installment of the Square Roots Podcast!  Also: • I've Seen What Makes You People Clap • A Genoshian Taskmaster Would Be A...

The Square Roots Podcast Episode 500 Bonanaza Square Roots - Episode 500 We break our usual format to celebrate 500 episodes! There's user questions, a game of MURRRRRDLE, Jim's Airing of Grievances, Metacritical Response, and introspective retrospection! This Week: Listen to our amazing Square Roots Podcast Episode 500! Next Week: Finish Kanara Port! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspod...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 4 - Space Docking Square Roots - Episode 499 Hot Gaming Goose: 0:02:35 Quest Log: 0:31:40 Level Up: 1:57:30 What if the whole of Mass Effect: Andromeda was about solving space crimes? Wouldn't that be cool? Let's pitch it right now: cozy mystery game, but it's about salarians and elcor and it's set on the Citadel. Also: • It's Okay To Be Wrong On Accident • What a Prank...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 3 - The Princess Protocol Square Roots - Episode 498 Quest Log: 0:04:00 Level Up: 1:57:00 We finally lock onto our surefire hit Netflix romantic comedy, The Princess Protocol. It's got comedy! Dancing! Intrigue! Getting hit on the head by a coconut! Also we keep playing Mass Effect: Andromeda. Also: • The Present of Watching Me Hold This Snorlax • The Hot Hot Fishman •...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 2 - Fable Three King Time Second Half Square Roots - Episode 497 Quest Log: 0:05:15 Level Up: 2:05:30 I keep hearing Vanessa say "cat" every time she says "Kett" in this action-packed, different timeline navigating BioWare adventure game, Mass Effect: Andromeda. Johnny loves the bouncy car. Jim disappears like a spooky ghost. Matt is bad at sudoku. Vanessa probably want...

Mass Effect: Andromeda Part 1 - Michael Rappaport's Crap Report Square Roots - Episode 496 Quest Log: 0:37:03 Level Up: 1:44:10 We're playing Mass Effect: Andromeda by BioWare for this year's BioWarey! So let's meet new friends! Explore new planets! And avoid having to recognize any of the four endings of Mass Effect Three! Also: • We Discuss What Games Are BioWare Games For Five Minutes * Jim Ban...