Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

What are the Yakuza? Vanessa, Jim and Johnny aren't quite sure, but they try to talk it out using Kraft company metaphors. Also: Johnny fails at simple math, we get our first taste of the Majima Everywhere system, and have a hard time memorizing the 80 people you're introduced to in the first three chapters. This Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5! Our Patreon: pat...

Jim's track got drank by audio vampires, but we just struggle on and edit him out! On this episode we fight real live werewolves, set the lasers to "human", and find a cabbie who will drive us to the ending of our choice! This Week: We finish Vampire: The Masquerade! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza 1! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her...

This week on an exciting, vamp-filled episode of Square Roots: Vanessa fights a street shark with a Japanese demon hunter; the game wants us to pick a fight with a polite Kuei-Jin; Matthew presses 1 through all the dialogue; Johnny completely misremembers game dialogue with way more slurs; the game completely breaks several times and SO MUCH MORE! This Week: We rescue Gary's buddy and recover the...

In this exciting episode of Square Roots Jim disappears, Johnny doesn't know how to pronounce Tzimisce or Hamill, Vanessa's descent into Vampire the Masquerade mythology madness continues, and Matthew meets more pallete-swapped Toots / Sworkers. This Week: We find the Nosferatu warren and head to Chinatown! Next Week: We rescue one of Gary's buddies and get a phone call from him. Our Patreon: patr...

Jim stumbles upon a secret room in Troika's Vampire: The Masquerade that we're not entirely sure exists in this sprawling episode of Square Roots. Also: Johnny is uncomfortable with the plaguebearers quest, Chunk gets his time to shine, we sneak on to a ship with very broken doors, and a raptor makes us nervous. This Week: We spend a night at a museum and head to Hollywood! Next Week: We find the...

CW: Mental illness, sexual assault Finally, Vanessa's greatest wish comes true and we start the sexy vampire chronicles of Troika's RPG classic: Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines: The Undying: Reckoning: Turn to the Dark: Revengeance. Join Eponia Shade, Chad Cemetary, Claudius Scares and Mathiu Vamp Zandt as they learn all about the rules of Vampire Prom, find out that there are plenty of stakes...

Before we finish Suikoden, ask yourself this: are you ready for front gate and back gate action? We gather our forces, recruit 108 stars, transcend mortality, deal with Anne Geddes, find a spy, meet our new mom, and give Emperor Barbarossa breakup advice. This Week: We finish Suikoden! Next Week: We head out of Santa Monica after exploderizing a factory! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast...

3 Ninjas kick back and join our party in this patricidal chunk of the Konami JRPG Suikoden. Join Kun To and all the other sluts for justice as we duel McDohl's father, we recruit Alan Greenspan, abandon children, get the requisite sarcastic sword, get on a James Bond tangent, and finally, finally kill a vampire. This week: We kill Neclord and recruit Milia in the Dragon's Den. Next week: We finish...

Watch out - Sexy Grandma has ranked up in the lethal arts. Also: gambling financing an army, some big losses, Teo finds out his son is really into bears, reckless spore use, and so much more! This Week: We get to the secret factory! Next Week: Milia joins us in the Dragon's Den. Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant...

Should you train your family to do a coordinated Unite attack? Matthew, Vanessa and a very sick Johnny consider this and so many other ideas in this action packed chunker of Konami's Suikoden. Also: hair hats, rapping about breath play, Los Sabados Gigantes physiology, tea refusal, the low survival rate of tree villages, and so much more! This Week: We defeat Kwanda Rosman in a duel! Next Week: We...

Finally, a game lets us name our castle. We decide on a variety of serious choices: it's a serious game, and it deserve serious names for the castle. We think you'll agree. Also: mandatory poisoning, Kage's dating habits, Odessa's woman / leader dichotomy, sewer dumping, dice games, and so much more! This Week: We liberate the Castle of Toran! Next Week: We defeat Kwanda Rosman in a duel! Our Patr...

CW: Child loss JUMP SCARE! Sorry for spookifying you. But Vanessa, Jim and Johnny are here with another Scare Roots - this time taking a look at What Remains of Edith Finch, the 2017 story game! Support Square Roots on Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Lots of Farmer's Almanac talk, Breaking Bad, Luc the Dickens Era Street Urchin, pondering if we've encountered our first gay couple, and so much more on this first episode of Suikoden! This Week: We reach Lenankamp in Suikoden! Next Week: We liberate the Castle of Toran! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountain...

Are they twists, or reveals? Is there a difference? Either way at least half the cast of Breath of Fire III has something to reveal in this astounding final episode of Breath of Fire III. Also: Vanessa takes Myria's educational tour ride, we let the faerie village sort itself out, Ryu gets a blast from the past, and Peco gets smart, somehow. This Week: We finish the gaaaaaaaame! Next Week: We reac...

Matthew just can't stop his faeries from eating each other in this desert-spanning episode! Breath of Fire somehow manages to go full Sierra game AND begin the space elevator up to Disc 3 Crazy! Vanessa can't find robots, Matthew refuses to believe Johnny about an easily provable fact, and Johnny pitches a great premise for a Ted Talk app. Also! We answer your questions! This Week: We beat the Chi...

Are Jedis just a bunch of Chads? Should you guilt your party members into kissing a horny old man? Just how deadly are eggs? Just what was Johnny talking about that Matthew beeped out? All these questions and more will be answered soon! This Week: We make it to the desert of death! Next Week: We beat the Chimera in Caer Xhan! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for...

Breath of Fire III what is? This episode might not answer that, but it does have a variety of minigames to make your life so very very good. These include: - pulling a bucket out of a well - driving a boat into a bigger boat - pulling a monster out of the sea AND SO MANY MORE. Also: Lisa Loeb rare b-sides, beefy boys, Spandex Einstein: Kukuys, the legend of the seven seas. This Week: We make it ac...

Breath of Fire decides to take a long stroll through memory lane as a now grown-up Ryu revisits his childhood haunts. Fortunately Johnny has caught up, Vanessa finds something in common with Peco, there's a game-breakingly good dragon form, and no one can figure out this faerie village minigame. Oh! Also now the quest is to go talk to God, which is a whole thing. This Week: We grab yet another pas...

Come join us for an animatronic, physical VFX filled spook 'em up, Child's Play! You know, the one with Chucky! The first one! Before he got married and had a family. Jim and Johnny are joined by Gena Radcliffe and Patrick Hamilton from the Kill By Kill podcast as they explore the film that scared poor kid Johnny to the point of refusing to watch. Find Kill By Kill here:  https://podcasts.apple.co...

We take on a too-big chunker in a disasterous episode of Square Roots. For the first time in the history of the show, Matt is the only one who completed it. Also this episode: Johnny's problematic alter-ego, debating the origins of woods pornography, things get real Cho Aniki, there's muscle chest cleavage, and the game decides to provide optional Australian dialogue. This Week: We finally fight t...

CW: Child loss, first 30 seconds. From Tugglepuffs to unicorn brothers, this episode goes places other podcasts wouldn't. That's right: we talk about sneaky redistribution of wealth, consider the consent issues around Yakkidy Saxxing, find Momo's dad's erotic literature collection, a real thing that's really in the game, as well as slowly figure out how the Master system works. Sadly, Johnny misse...

CW: Child loss, 01h06min-01h12min So many questions this episode. Are we going to get sick of protagonists Gary and Mogu? Can you get chrysm out of fur? Is there anything sadder than the story of the Nue? Is Bunyan Johnny's new husband? Can we put the ghost of Julian to rest? Should we dwell on Teepo's gender? What is Matthew smoking? This Week: We start Breath of Fire III and play until killing t...

Johnny starts writing his epitaph after a near-disaster at the Olive Garden in this week's chilling Fallout Finale. What really happened to Vanessa's dog? Is Johnny a psychopath? Did Matthew actually finish the game? Where is Jim? Finally, we get a Parasite Eve / Kingdom Hearts crossover that everyone will enjoy.  This Week: We finish Fallout! Next Week: We start Breath of Fire III and play until...

In this week's episode: the Grand High Brother from the Arkansas chapter of the Brotherhood is coming to visit, and Raxson demands the base be spotless! With a big promotion on the line, can Cabbot keep his secret family of irradiated mole rats out of sight? Will wacky neighbour Jerry stay out of it? FIND OUT! ALSO NEW GAME ANNOUNCED! This week: We solve the mysteries of the Glow and become Brothe...

Jim, Johnny and Vanessa are drawn into a world of 1970s word games that don't quite work, municipal conflicts best resolved by staying out of it, accidental genocide, crash courses in water pump repair, and trying to save scum their way through some rough Deathclaw encounters! This Week: We head to Necropolis and The Boneyard! Next Week: We become Brotherhood Initiates and descent into the Glow! T...