Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Hello! We are having a vote! On our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Our choices: Vanessa - Deus Ex: Human Revolution (2011) Jim - Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch (2011) Johnny - Alpha Protocol (2010) Matthew - Tales of Vesperia (2008) So join our $5 tier and vote! YEAH!    

Oh boy! We're deep into the legend of the Dovahkiin in this week's chunk of Bethesda's super beloved Skyrim! On this chunker we impress Daphne / Delphine, learn to shout, and meet a couple of dragons. It's great! Also: - Don't Think About Frasier! - Mind bending 1990s music videos! - It's like a blanket party but they're yelling at you! - Let Me Be Frank: Redux - Jack... Kirby?'s... Inhumans! - In...

Since we're tackling a very non-linear open world RPG with Bethesda's Skyrim, this time we're doing things a little differently: after a main quest runthrough we each describe the adventures of our own very special characters. It's a surprisingly bug-free playthrough as we pull up in our cart to Helgen, where our executions await! Also: - The Jerky Boys Musical - The Vore Seasons - Presto Kazaam,...

Teleport is a kind of go. Drive is a kind of go. Imagine? Also a kind of go! How many kinds of go can you name? In this climactic conclusion to our Legend of Mana playthrough, our hero has to go through pretty much every dungeon in the game chasing our favorite li'l cactus. Also: - A Secret Kawazu Game! - The Most Popular Toy in the World - A Bizarre Sin Stance Change - Vanessa's Nuclear Mana Tree...

We ask so many questions in this chunker of Square's Legend of Mana. Would Gilbert's lines work on a real woman? Can you cure amnesia with another concussion? Would a visual novel be better with real photos? Will the X-Files FMV game ever be re-released? Also: - Deep Insight into Diddle - Virtual Jerry Orbach - Is BDG a centaur? Is Adam Driver a monster? - Manhattan, Kansas Narrowcasting - A game...

Vanessa leaves early so you night what that means: BOYS NIGHT. We're getting into the back half of Legend of Mana, and starting to wrap up some plotlines. Aren't you curious about Matilda and Irwin? Valerie and David? Also: - Johnny and the Horrible Nightmare Beach - What does Ayn Rand have to do with it? - THE BONE FORTRESS! YEEEEEAH! - Tell Me More! - What is Pig like? - Next game announced! Thi...

Content Warning: Suicide We're descending into the underworld and making some strange allies in this chunker of Squaresoft's 2000 cult classic Legend of Mana. Also: - Vanessa's Magician Crush Origin Story - "I Thought He Should"? - Legs That Go Right Into His Feet - Big Mouth Billy Bass - Diddle's dark descent - Stars Spin As They Fall When You're Trying To Catch Your Breath This Week: We finish T...

We're really getting into Legend of Mana now as we make our way through this complicated but simple action RPG. A lot happens, we think? There's incredibly depressing junkyard toys, pinglings, a walrus man and... a turtle?! Also: - Terrifying Nightmare Cactus - Matt's hot Jojo take - Johnny and Jim's Bunk Beds - Dubba Baba Dud - Trying to Politely Describe the Necklace Pearl Has This Week: We fini...

Alright, now we move on to a new game: Squaresoft's bonkers Legend of Mana! If you're expecting Secret of Mana 2, it's not that, it's more like... a complicated board game that doesn't tell you how to play it combined with fun side-scrolling brawler. On this episode: - We get an exclusive 30 second celebrity interview! - Placing a Mailbox: a complicated decision - Johnny licks his foot - Jim and M...

We found it! We found the Odyssey, and truly, the real lost odyssey was the friendships we made along the way. On this big ol' chonker episode of an episode we chop through most of the end game content, from Cooke getting proposed to by the Kelolon King to Prince Sparklepony learning the true value of bravery. But that's not all! - Vanessa tries to trick Jim into dressing like a magician - Yellow...

We all head to the garage to become certified stoneologists like Jansen in this penultimate episode of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey! There's a lot of content in this chunker as we start exploring bonus areas, do a Final Fantasy VI style minigame, and fight our... Personas? Topics covered include: - What Gongora's Deal is - Is Ming the real villain of the game? - Wine Time! - Matt's Stand Up Shower -...

Jim is lost in a flower mound this week but the rest of the podcast crew is here! We're finishing Disc 3 of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey, and it's some real Final Fantasy VI style split path fun times! We've got the children Cooke & Mack freezing to death, Seth bonding with the relectant King Tolten and reuniting with her 65 year old baby boy Sed, and Jansen and Ming starring in a 1990s love ballad m...

We're barrelling through Disc 3 like a freight train into a glacier in this catastrophic episode of Square Roots. Running at almost 50% cutscenes this chunker features that kind of Disc 3 FMV destruction we all love! Also: - Michael Emmerson Fan Club - Matt Talks About A Weird JRPG For Ten Minutes - More on the Magic Hyphen Industrial Revolution - Matt demands an explanation of Goatse - A slanty c...

We finish Disc 2 but still don't know for sure if Aneira is a dragon, or a bird man, or something, but we do know one thing: Gongora isn't interested in those HAMS. Also: - Vanessa Versus Sydnee McElroy - Need for Speed: Hot for Soup - Buying Items From a Crow - Stories about shoes, deadly flowers, and sticking with your wife - Hot Supernatural Gossip This Week: We finish Disc 2! Next Week: We ret...

Disc 2 of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey has a lot going for it: there's Resident Evil mansions, bizarre magic abilities, a ton of Thousand Years of Dreams stories, a possible dragon, and of course underwear. Also: - Jansen's sketchiness gets to even Vanessa - Fillibust In Me: The Many Songs of Marina - A very beautiful lullaby that is also a tuneless dirge - Vanessa the Sand Witch - Johnny says Compos...

We start getting into the tear-filled meat of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey in this emotional rollercoaster of a chunker. In this episode: the longest funeral in a game ever; two actually non-annoying children; and the further adventures of Prince Glitter Pony! Also: - That One Episode of GI Joe Where Everyone Dissolves Into Mud Puppets - Jansen's Problematic Techniques - Wells for Boys Energy - Bob S...

Rid of the curse of Kingdom Hearts for now the gang stumble onto Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey - a cult classic JRPG that flew under the radar back in 2008 in spite of an expensive ad campaign. Is it Sakaguchi's comeback? Or annoying and full of pointless stories? We're all pretty split on this one so far! Also: - International Cheese Day - A Leaky Staff - Her Chest Lacked the Swellings of a Grown Wom...

The gang has mixed feelings over the ending of Kingdom Hearts 2 and are left with a lot of questions, like: - Did any of this make sense? - Why did Johnny yell at Matthew? - Does what happened to Riku make more sense than the Marvel movies? - Should you be pressing the Y / triangle button more? Or the X / Square? Or not? - How do you pronounce Saix? - And of course, the long requested: would you e...

Things get a little off the rails at the start of this Square Roots when an ice cream truck constantly drives past Johnny's window, causing him to lose all focus. But! We go back to your favorite Disney lands for another dose of direct to VHS sequel adventures, as well as... - Matt Learns the Word Cheugy - Peter Pan is Actually Pretty Cool - Reading things "Burger Time" - Crackers in the Bath Tub...

Coming hot off the heels of one of our Scare Roots Livestreams, Vanessa and Jim sit down with the star of Phantasmagoria 2 - Paul Morgan Stetler! We discuss his new YouTube project Conversations with Curtis centered around the game, why the game may be finding a new life with today's gamers and get some insider details into what it was like to bring the game to life. Check out Conversations with C...

The whole Square Roots is out of sorts this week as they are obsessed with chilli dogs, and not really that interested in Sora revisiting the Disney worlds again. But that doesn't mean there's not a lot to talk about, like: - "I Love That You Love It" - Evil Uncle Scratch - Fitness Deez Lutz - She Wants That Knot - Not Gas-X - Auron Action Figure This Week: Land of Dragons 2, Beast's Castle 2, Oly...

Somehow although we only visited a handful of worlds this chunker became chockablock with crazy nonsense, including: - Lion Hamlet - Vanessa Gets Visited By A Socially Conservative Owl - Congratulations Things - Roxas's friends: Hey There, Paunch and Oolug - Getting Norted - Do You Like Imagine Dragons? - Naminé-tions - Can Sora Read? - Cyber Bikes - "Got it memorized?" - Goofy's Death - JRPG Tomm...

This time Kingdom Hearts 2 really swings for the bleachers with nothin' but hits, from Aladdin to Little Mermaids and Pirates of the Carribbean! It's tough to reach a consensus on all this finny fun, but there's plenty to enjoy such as: - Gilbert Gottfried's newest sponsors - Aladdin's Whole Other Family - Vanessa's shocking Pirates confession - A phone call to Magical Disney Locker Supply - Way t...

Oh hey! Welcome to our continuing journey through Squaresoft and Disney's Kingdom Hearts 2! There's plenty of Disney nostalgia in this episode, as well as Nomura nonsense, random Organization XIII characters and also: - Disneyfied Auron - Old Castles Aren't Fun - Daisy's good Ending - I believe in BooBerry - A Little Pete Chat This Week: Olympus, 100 Acre Wood, Disney Castle and Timeless River Nex...

We get through our first two Disney worlds and yet this episode is surprisingly light on Disney songs. On this chunker of Squaresoft's Kingdom Hearts 2 we get Sora a couple of rad keyblades and also: - Jim explains how drives work - Vanessa wants to learn all the official Disney nipples - Everyone loves Doug Airholes - Jim's first good theory in the history of the podcast - A very horny wardrobe -...