So Very Wrong About Games

Names are powerful. The Spiel des Jahres means "game of the year" simpliciter, but for years we know that the juries have been casting a narrower and narrower net of what games thay would consider. It has become more of a specialized imprint, which is fine--but it's strange that the name still inspires such cachet. Anything with rules in excess of 3 or so pages seems now to be firmly beyond the pa...

Credibility, like a butterfly, is a fragile and beautiful thing. Mark is fundamentally opposed to subtlety and ephemeral joy, so he naturally seeks to destroy either whenever he encounters it. When it comes to credibility he does this by routinely making gross over-generalizations. This time he has managed to make an instant replay-esque correction, at least. As for what he does to butterflies, le...

Summer is here, friends and neighbours, and with it comes a a thickening of the blood that prompts torpor. We here at SVWAG are part lizard, you see, and so we must budget additional time to sun ourselves and slough off our scales. At any rate, we will be shifting to a summer schedule but still releasing an episode every week--though the magic of segment-swapping. How can such wizardry be true? Th...

We humble ourselves before you, O merciful audience, so as to lay bare our sins against the gaming world. Granted we toil as rules explainers on the behalf of ungrateful vermin who do not appreciate our labours, but nonetheless we take full responsibility for mildly inconveniencing the filthy ingrates who can't be bothered to read a rulebook. We implore that these monstrously selfish demons might...

"Money makes the world go 'round" is a common saying decried by most astronomers and physicists, who instead stubbornly maintain that it is due to some invisible thing that can't even qualify for a credit card. "More money than God" is also a strange phrasing, insofar as I believe the theological consensus (ranging from the Abrahamic faiths all the way to Pastafarianism) is that God does not hold...

We spare you the onomatopoeias this week, as our audio editing software cannot process the brightly-coloured spiky expostulations properly. Walker gets to backpedal at full speed this week, having previously declared his being done with both 1 vs. all games and games with tons of minis. So he surely wouldn't have any enthusiasm for this 1 vs. all minis-heavy game, would he? Could he?!Na na na na n...

Here's the thing, at least as Mark understands it: acquired tastes are weird. Some things are great the first time. Furthermore, some things are easy and great the first time. Take chocolate, for example. Most people start out champs at eating chocolate. Mark tried to get good at something once, but he found out that requires effort. Who has time for ten thousand hours when there's elite-level can...

Today is a telling day in the annals of SVWAG, especially with respect to Mark coming to terms with his own essential wrongness. He gets to partially repent for his tonal excesses with respect to the AYURIS; he gets to mull over painful loves lost in Billionaire Banshee; and he gets to realize that once again that while Walker cares deeply about people, he cares mostly about stuffing his face and...

HATE has landed, and you can't have it. CMON's dalliances with Kickstarter exclusives have been numerous, but now they have their first Kickstarter-exclusive game. We review it not to taunt you with things you can't acquire, but rather to give you the vicarious thrill of someone who can have everything. Let your imagination whisk you away to a universe that is all plastic cannibalistic hardcases!...

As my father is wont to say, "Accept credit, pass blame." Actually, no, I said that, and it's my father's fault that I forgot the correct attribution. Is that how that works? At any rate, we here at SVWAG are always happy to claim responsibility for all positive developments. When and if peace breaks out anywhere, we will assert it is our doing based merely on this aside. Such is the power of our...

Currencies drive many things, perhaps most things. HATE is driven by a currency called Savagery, which I believe is floated on the international market and its exchange rate fluctuates daily. We here at So Very Wrong About Games fuel our episodes with Snark, which is pegged conveniently to the Canadian Dollar. As a consequence, when some of you might be tempted to correct Mark on the name of the 1...

You do you, Walker always says, except he almost never does. Mark always says smoke 'em if you got 'em, despite his never uttering those words and frankly not knowing what they mean. He tried smoking once and didn't enjoy it. Why care about such petty things as truth or data when it feels consistent with a narrative you're peddling? Echoes of contemporary politics abound, as we ponder whether a ga...

The Peter Principle observes that people tend to get promoted to their level of incompetence. Namely if someone does a job well, they'll be promoted, until such time as they cease doing a job well and persist at that level of ineptitude. We mention this not because it accurately describes the arc of Mark's life both professionally and personally--which, let's face it, it does--but rather because w...

Sometimes categories are useful taxonomical tools, and sometimes they are so blunt as to be confusing and unhelpful. What gets parsed as "worker placement" can get downright murky at times. To Walker, though, the world is clear and simple. Tolstoy tells us that "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Walker has a modified view--all fun games are fun and thus...

Just as we are told that it's always five o'clock somewhere, we can be assured that Mark and Walker are always wrong somewhere. Time marches inexorably forward, and we mark that passage of time by checking in with the much-loved Quartermaster General series. Mark would happily tell you that time is nothing more and nothing less than a priori intuition, which when internalized allows us to ground t...

Sometimes our hosts can't quite understand what the situation demands of them. Walker has been known to approach thoughtful, deliberative games with the oft-repeated demand of "when do I get to shoot LEMME SHOOT." Mark tends to greet new acquaintances with profanity-laden assaults on their life choices, hygiene, and character. These traits perhaps serve to explain how they find themselves in the s...

We take endorsements very seriously here at SVWAG. The Ferragamo deal fell through after Walker was seen wearing Fendi, and the whole Burberry fiasco is better left forgotten. Converse was our backup, but suffice to say after Mark's public comments about sportsball that seems like a distant possibility at best. All that said, we endorse Gloomy Companion unreservedly. We don't resort to apps very o...

Constant vigilance is the price of audio quality, and we apologize for how badly that struggle has been going of late. Walker prostrates himself before the altar of Bars, and Bars we achieve, but the nature of those Bars have been fickle. Their shape and pattern cannot be properly contained or channeled, and thus they spurn us and assault your ears. Rest assured that we are consulting the augurs a...

Peer influence is a strange thing. For years Mark has been yelling at Walker about various ways he really ought to change, but a single board game now has Walker spewing Macross lore like he's a convert. Perhaps the authors like Erin Lee Escobedo have a point, and board games really can serve to deliver subtle yet powerful influence. Perhaps we could make board games to convince people to like and...

Another round about the sun is complete, at least for those who acknowledge that sort of thing. I'm certain there must be a strand of Flat Eartherism that bows to the reality of the Earth's orbit--I could find out, but boardgaming already more than satisfies my desire for obscure minutia. We look back at the releases of the year, agreeing on many things but rather sharply disagreeing on others. Th...

Players aren't the only people who make choices, of course. Designers and publishers make decisions about the setting and the theme of their games. Insofar as games can communicate a message--whether purely aesthetic or more ideological--it is beneficial to have a clear vision. Things can get exceptionally problematic when you start playing fast and loose with things of great cultural and historic...

As a new coping mechanism, Mark and Walker decide to expunge their deepest shameful acts of conspicuous consumption and frivolous travel by talking about it on the internet. Now that Tumblr is is divesting themselves of adult content they can't post their Stephen Universe erotica there, so this is the next best thing. Don't tell Mark and Walker that a) anyone is listening, or b) they've been using...

Lots of talk of economics in this week's news. One might expect a diminishing return on such talk, but as rational consumers of news we often find a deficit of such a valuable commodity. Ceteris paribus, we're willing to offer you the free lunch of our altruism, even though that may lead to a tragedy of the commons. We value your investment of time when you listen to us--our intellectual capital i...

There's this substance that the British people deploy called "salad cream." Chemists, for decades, have tried to break down its constituent parts; but the substance's sheer viscosity--not to mention its disturbing colour and odour--have defied all analysis. I mention this because despite our Canadian prerogative of spelling colour and odour as we do, the cultural rites of salad cream are alien to...

What's in a name? Well, if the game is KeyForge, the name is pretty much the entire game. As we have learned from bots in the past, set an algorithm loose on the internet and it'll probably come back as a racist misogynist troll. So far we've seen little of that scale in KeyForge deck names, but it's spat out some pretty amazing names nonetheless. Games Played Last Week: -Paper Tales 3m24s (Masato...