So Very Wrong About Games

Some of you might be unfamiliar with the traditions surrounding birthdays in Canada. They are savage affairs, drenched in blood and feats of suffering. I mean, there's the cake, sure, and that part is pretty benign--except for the baking of it, come to think of it, where the birthday girl or birthday boy is expected to remove the cake from an oven with their bare hands and devour the thing whole;...

Would you like a job at Asmodee? Well guess what, if you need any replacement parts from them, you've just been drafted to work as their support staff. Best of all, your salary is nothing! Are we doomed to become ever more curmudgeonly, rambling to young gamers about how "back in my day, we got replacement parts just by sending an email" and the the young 'uns would be all like "Ok, Millennial, bu...

On must acknowledge that in many instances, pre-judgment is an adaptive advantage--I don't mean with respect to people, but in terms of being able to sift through the endless data with which we are constantly bombarded. Most of our concepts are pre-fabricated little categories that we can shove sense data into in order to make sense of the world (there's your Kantianism in three seconds for you)....

One must learn as a child that just because something is difficult does not mean it isn't worth doing. Sometimes we here at SVWAG feel that the corollary for adults is that just because something is difficult doesn't mean it is worthwhile. Some hard things should just be avoided. It's hard to drive a nail through your own skull, but it doesn't follow that it's necessarily a prime opportunity for s...

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. AYURIS: Level 7 [Omega Protocol] 2m34s (Will Schoonover, Privateer Press, 2013)Games Played Last Week:-Guards of Atlantis II: Tabletop MOBA 6m38s (Artyom Nichipurov, Wolff Designaa, 2020)-Las Vegas...

Rarely has a game been as deeply, frighteningly cynical as Imperial. We are sadly inured to the notion of vast military conflicts; and we are sadly inured to the corrupting influence of enormous wealth; but never before has a game combined the two and posited the Schlieffen Plan as a gambit to improve the marginal rate of return of someone's portfolio. Oh, my RRSP is Russian firepower, by the way....

Eventually a charge becomes so tired and rote that it becomes accepted without critical thought--but so often these hackneyed claims are false. Knizia games are themeless is a good example. Canadians are polite is another. The one that rears its ugly head this week is Walker's insistence that he is bullied, which has definitely got to count as attempted gaslighting at this point. On the plus side,...

Better late and wrong than never wrong, am I right? Wait, that doesn't make sense. Suffice to say that we wanted to be as certain as we could this year, as past years offered rather significant asterisks on our best-of lists--but this year, with only minor exceptions, we're pretty confident we played the games most likely to make the cut. I'm sure this sense of certainty and comprehensiveness will...

Look, it's hard enough to remember games without them injecting too many dates into their titles. Claustrophobia 1643 I keep misremembering as 1648 (Treaty of Westphalia), Ausburg 15whenever is as forgettable as the game, Pulsar 2849 barely sticks in my mind, and now Caylus 1303. I'd be tempted to just try and parse the game as "Caylus 13XX," but it's not about trains, now, is it? Games Played Las...

The Holidays are upon us--Christmas very soon, Hanukkah is ongoing, Kwanzaa around the corner--but today on SVWAG, as it is on most days, we celebrate Festivus. On Mark's insistence, we forego the Feats of Strength, as the outcome would be certain and humiliating; O, but the Airing of the Grievances! Canadians have much to complain about, what with one mess of a fulfillment after another. And comp...

Perhaps it would be inevitable that there would be juvenile comments about the components in Catan: Starfarers. This is, after all, the gaming series that brought us endless unfunny remarks about wood and sheep. Perhaps the sculptors for the pieces knew what they were doing and, in turn, laughing at us. I suppose we must be thankful that Klaus Teuber remained high-minded--one shudders to imagine w...

There are times when immediately upon finishing recording, one or both of our hosts immediately feel the tremendous regret of having forgotten The Thing. But, alas, the moment has passed, and they cannot now mention The Thing. The only redress available is this episode description, which sadly no one but you reads. We salute you, hyper-literate outlier! This week, The Thing is Wavelength--recently...

Black Secret was an expansion to Ghost Stories where you played as vicious, frenetic shoppers trying to ascertain what were the best hidden deals on Black Friday. I think. If nothing else, one can appreciate the fact that online shopping might one day prevent the trampling deaths that accompany this uniquely retail "holiday." The end of brick and mortar retail will surely be a great loss, and one...

Walker introduces a new feature, the LIGHTNING ROUND. Destinies are determined and legends are forged in the lightning round, or at least they could be if it were not merely the pretext for his trolling. Someone should translate "I'm not saying, I'm just saying" into Latin so he can make it his family credo. AYURIS: The Voyages of Marco Polo 2m00s (Simone Luciani & Daniele Tascini, Hans im Gluck,...

Sorry, people, no episode this week. Mark explains why. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We puzzle over the practices and intentions of game designers this week as though we were archaeologists trying to divine the practices of ashen Pompeiians. Why did these authors insert this mechanism into their artifact? Was it a mating ritual? Was it an obeisance to some vengeful, long-dead god? Was it to shoehorn in player interaction? Or was it to placate a Kickstarter audience? Oh, sorry, tha...

You can replace the Mark and Walker voices with lovingly-rendered miniatures with the SVWAG Host Minis add-on, which you can have for $35, but only if you pay for it before you know what they look like and before you know the content of the episode. You can also buy the SVWAG playmat, metal coins, realistic resources, microphone first-player marker, and custom insert. This is a free podcast that c...

Fatherhood is the overall theme of this week's episode. Imagine Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle, except with the father played by Vladimir the Great and the son by Svyatopolk the Accursed. "When you coming home, dad?" asks the Accursed, to which the reply is "I don't know when. But we'll get together then, son." And then, the son allegedly murders several of his siblings in a vicious power stru...

SHUX has passed, but the memories have not. Your hosts give a final rundown of some of the goings-on during the august October event. Mark asserts that no one is less competitive than he, no one by a long shot, he is much less competitive than you and if you disagree he will fight you. Unless you are a child or infirm, in which case he will still fight you out of a grudging sense of duty and respe...

"You two are idiots."-QuinnsWe are live (on tape)! With special guest Quintin Smith aka Quinns from Shut Up & Sit Down. Also featuring guest appearances from French Canadian snack cakes, passive aggression, wonderful prizes (none for you, sorry, all gone), and the man who saved your life, Vasili Arkhipov! Also some feedback and noise from the megagame next door. Oh, well. Games Played Last Week: -...

The saturation point is the point at which you can no longer dissolve a deck of cards into a bottle of water. I am told that in summer, it feels hotter than it is really is because of all the board game particles diffused throughout the air. It gets really hard to breathe sometimes--my cousin nearly choked on a cube, once. The dewpoint, I think, is the temperature at which a full copy of Catan wil...

The cube trundles onward, marching inexorably--if haltingly--towards its ultimate destination. It is told it must explore, and so explore it does. The other cube conquers, but that is not this cube's concern. They met once at a party. It seemed nice, but that was long ago, and the cube must explore, not mingle. Sometimes it does not explore; sometimes it scores for some quantity of non-explore thi...

Mark thinks it is colossally unfair that he gets so much flak for speaking French when mediocre game designers get to throw around a word like "tableau." Then again, Mark and Walker can't quite agree on what a tableau constitutes. Mark seems to define it the way that American judge famously defined pornography--he knows it when he sees it--whereas Walker is more conspiratorial about tableaus (Tabl...

Adorable little pudgy robots soar through a blazing pink sky, stubby arms outstretched as they speed towards their destination--a yellow planet in the distance. "GIVE ME YOAR COOOBS" bellow the aliens upon arrival. "POINTZ 4 COOOOBS." A robot obliges, and a sonorous "cha-ching" resounds through its programming. But the robot is now a drifting derelict, its home ship long gone. It is now doomed to...

We return to games of weeks past, for the most part, to see if our initial impressions persist. We were young and foolish in past weeks, of course, whereas now we are older and foolish. Whether our errors mature like fine wine or spoil to the vinegar of harsh insight is up to you. One thing is certain, though--our metaphors certainly aren't getting any sweeter. AYURIS: SEAL Team Flix 2m09s (Pete R...