So Very Wrong About Games

Clearly the hosts secretly wanted to have a movie podcast, or perhaps just a podcast devoted to the movie Aliens. To their credit, they at least did not devolve into merely parroting quotes from the film, which is a behaviour as obnoxious and it is difficult to avoid. Rest assured they offered their poor paraphrases and hackneyed delivery while actually playing the Aliens game. It was a bad call,...

We have an unwritten constitution here at SVWAG, which we know causes some people from jurisdictions with written constitutions to get a little mystified and/or twitchy. Trust us, it works! We get to claim a rich constitutional history all the way back to 1215 and the Magna Carta, or at least we will, once we figure out what King John had to do with podcasting. It's the kind of arrangement that wo...

It's the daylight savings, it's got to be. You give us an extra hour in the week--through the magic of time travel--and we'll take it to play eleventy new games. The geniuses (Canadians, for what it's worth) who invented standard time probably didn't take into account the havoc it might wreak on our podcasting. So many new games! Not enough time for the topic! We will endure.01:08 AYURIS: Calimala...

The unofficial motto of SVWAG has always been, "stop trying to make fetch happen." Similarly, you can't just make up words out of thin air--it's not like they're holidays or anything that can be conjured ex nihilo (Happy Arkhipov Day!). What's an Arnak, anyway? Can you lose ruins of something that never existed? I suppose a fantasy is a good pretext to give us an arm's length distance from generat...

In honour of Arkhipov Day (October 27th--he saved your life or that of your forebears, he deserves a day), we turn to reflections of how games model war. Even themeless euros often include war as a convenient backdrop for the processing of cubes, so it is hardly restricted to one genre of gaming or another. That said, gaming is not unique--pretty much any medium can boast of a plethora of war narr...

I never knew a kid who had any kind of fort. In grade school I heard of a kid who could form Voltron, but that may have been an extravagant lie. My mom's friend's kids had a Sega Genesis, and that was pretty rad. I keep acquiring more games in the vain hope that it will make me popular, but it hasn't worked yet. Maybe one or two more Street Masters expansions will do the trick. I am told to be pop...

The mere framing of a question can subtly or overtly determine the answer. There's an old joke about a monk who asks his superior, "Can I smoke while I meditate?" He is told no, as that would be sullying an act that is meant to be free from worldly concerns. The clever monk decides instead to ask another superior, "While I smoke, can I meditate?" So it is with boardgames! Framing can have tremendo...

Social standards of behaviour are often subtle and variable, but we can all agree that children are often blind to their subtle nuances. Like, don't be a massive jerk--that's one of those tricky nuances that often escape the notice of your average child, what with many of them being borderline sociopaths kept in check only by their relative powerlessness and incompetence. Then again, perhaps Mark...

Hwaet! The second installment of our much-ignored segment, SVWAG Poetry Corner, takes a turn for the epic. First we did haiku, and now we discuss Old English epic poetry. Sure the noble limerick can't be far behind? We also discuss the most excellent lifestyle habits of our new idol, Kane Tanaka, who seems to be living her best life on her own terms. You go, Kane Tanaka! Rip off some monster's arm...

Our cup runneth over, if the cup in question is being filled by tiles laid there by Reiner Knizia. Three Knizia tile-laying games were sampled by SVWAG, which of course made it a good week. One feels that if someone proposed a topic of "Reiner Knizia tile-laying games", the appropriate editorial response would be "narrow the scope, please." Games Played Last Week:01:12 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth...

In remembrance of things past, we bite hard into the madeleine that is large player count gaming. The recollection of not being sequestered into small basements, where... actually, scratch that, we were often in basements in the Before Times. At least I think so. Time is now an illusion.01:57 AYURIS: A Feast for Odin: The Norwegians (Gernot Köpke & Uwe Rosenberg, Feuerland Spiele, 2018)Games Playe...

"Cosmic Frog: World Eaters from Dimension Zero--A Game of Strategic Gluttony." I mean, what could I or anyone else possibly say that could add to that? Games Played Last Week:01:46 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth (R. Eric Reuss, Greater Than Games, 2020)03:34 -Shards of Infinity: Shadow of Salvation (Justin Gary & Ryan Sutherland, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2019)07:19 -Castle Itter (David Thompson, D...

I mean, maybe, possibly, hopefully, with luck, theoretically, given the right group, hypothetically, in time, conceivably, eventually, if I push hard enough, imaginably, as a favour, I could imagine, someday, perchance, play this again. Weather permitting.01:36 AYURIS: Cerebria: The Inside World (Richard Amann, Viktor Peter, István Pócsi, Frigyes Schőberl, Nick Shaw, & Dávid Turczi, Mindclash Game...

Old conflicts are put to bed, taxonomies are shelved, and instead we take refuge in sweeping declarations. Walker focuses on the ad hominem, trying to dissuade people from game design because they are insufficiently hardcore; Mark focuses on games, declaring that you can't base games on random spat out tiles. Nuance is for the weak, and qualifications are for those lacking character. Mostly. Games...

We take a break from heady issues this week; so we instead touch on what constitutes a trick, what friends are good for, and colonialism. You know, light discussion. 02:35 AYURIS: Core Worlds (Andrew Parks, Stronghold, 2011)Games Played Last Week:04:09 -Fort (Grant Rodiek, Leder Games, 2020)09:15 -Ascension Tactics: Miniatures Deckbuilding Game (Justin Gary & Ryan Sutherland, Stone Blade Entertain...

"Put down your chainsaw and listen to meIt's time for us to join in the fightIt's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboysIt's time to let the bedbugs bite...Talk with your mouth fullBite the hand that feeds youBite on more than you chewWhat can you doDare to be stupid"-"Weird Al" Yankovic, noted Lovecraft scholar, "Dare to Be Stupid"Games Played Last Week:01:07 -Project: ELITE (Konstantinos...

Walker is a force of nature, a pent-up human-shaped mass of pure rage. The only outlet that can sate his furious destructive impulses is the ecstasy of the uninhibited flick--the catharsis of venting all of his power on a disc and then watching it careen around the board (then off the table, off someone's skull, off the floor, under the bookshelf, and then embedded in the drywall). He ten thunders...

“The game which our enemies have laid before us is, in so far as the French dictated it, is a monument of pathological fear and pathological hatred; and in so far as the Anglo-Saxons dictated it, it is the work of a capitalistic policy of the most brutal and cleverest kind.” –A deliberate misquote of Count von Brockdorff-Rantzau reviewing Versailles 1919Games Played Last Week:01:40 -Nippon (Nuno B...

Walker feels he has missed his calling, and tries out his tight five as an insult comic this week. He directs his barbs at the typical targets--Mark, board game covers, games no one asked for, Mark, media he finds unengaging, and Mark. The latter (and former) does his level best at being supportive in the classic tradition of Ed McMahon, but one remembers why Don Rickles and Triumph the Insult Com...

"From the discovery of New France to the 1981 Referendum, all of Quebec history is based on a single fallacy: that the British actually wanted to own Quebec. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. The British already had a surplus of colonies in the sunny Caribbean and took little interest in the Canadian icebox later dismissed by Voltaire as nothing more than 'quelques arpents de neige...

We return, ill-advisedly, to the heavily-mined waters of classification and taxonomy. Mark will put up with it because of his love of Mac Gerdts, and Walker will put up with it because he gets to troll Mark with contrived classifications. 01:10 AYURIS: Gloomhaven (Isaac Childres, Cephalofair Games, 2017)Games Played Last Week:03:24 -Reichbusters: Project Vril (Jake Thornton, Mythic Games, 2020)07:...

Editorial standards are constantly evolving here at SVWAG, and they lately proceed largely from Walker's unilateral declarations. Things get to be pronounced however he wills them. Prior utterances by anyone are rendered immediately obsolete if and when he deigns to acknowledge something. Comparisons are now his exclusive purview. Walker has spoken. Games Played Last Week:01:52 -Hour of Need (Adam...

Change is exactly like a starving polar bear, in that it is a frightening beast that will bite your face off. Despite that, we have changed the format of our episode notes in a startling act of courage. That said, as Robert Browning wrote, "One taste of the old time sets all to rights." It is in that spirit that we began, with the blessing of the Government of Ontario's health guidelines, to actua...

"Please note that there are only two references to sports in this book... and both are appropriately dismissive. If you wish for sports information, might I kindly refer you to every other aspect of our culture?"-John Hodgman, "The Areas of My Expertise"Games Played Last Week:-Commands and Colors: Napoleonics 1m40s (Richard Borg, GMT Games, 2010) -Wingspan 3m08s (Elizabeth Hargrave, Stonemaier Gam...

To be clear, we're not giving or receiving any awards this week--rather we're discussing their use, possible abuse, and impact on the hobby. Were we to deserve an award for this episode, though, clearly it would be for the quality and quantity of top-notch segues. Play style leads to play style, mechanism to mechanism, all flowing as naturally and as smoothly as a natural and smooth thing. Note th...