So Very Wrong About Games

Our inaugural Mark Bigney is a Blithering Idiot Fest has arrived, and we can chronicle a minor subsection of things that make evident Mark is a not a smart man. Although this episode is jam-packed with content, even its confines cannot contain a comprehensive accounting; rest assured we will return to this topic in future instalments. Games Played Last Week:01:42 -Kemet: Blood and Sand (Jacques Ba...

From Wikipedia: "Mark Sinclair (born July 18, 1967), known professionally as Vin Diesel, is an American actor and filmmaker. One of the world's highest-grossing actors, he is best known for playing Dominic Toretto in the Fast & Furious franchise. Diesel began his career in 1990 but struggled to gain roles until he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in the short film Multi-Facial (1995). This a...

Fun fact: The Red Cathedral isn't really a cathedral at all, it's a sobor, which isn't really the same thing. Also fun fact: Unsurprisingly, Mark is wrong to say that Fenrir will swallow the moon at the end of the world, as that is patently absurd. Fenrir swallows the sun, which makes perfect sense. Except, of course, for renditions where Fenrir's children Skoll and Hati swallow the moon and sun r...

Knizia reference, check; Kant reference, check; Shakespeare reference, check (albeit subtle); Scott Pilgrim reference, check (albeit a gimme); Macross reference, check; Letterkenny reference... wait, this must be a mistake. Where's the Letterkenny reference? This is no way to try to win a Golden Geek.01:58 AYURIS: Edge of Darkness (John D. Clair, AEG, 2019) Games Played Last Week:03:38 -Scott Pilg...

The trajectory of spin-offs seems indelibly tied to aquatic environments, so perhaps we ought to accept the inevitable and begin planning for "SVWAG of the Depths" wherein our hosts play games and then talk about them while entirely submerged. Imagine what effect it will have on most dexterity games! Only Chip Theory Games' offerings will emerge unaltered. Sound quality will perforce suffer, as no...

Important Macross news! Mark will ruthlessly exploit any and all chances to mention Macross, and so he shoehorns in a quote from a Macross property so he can talk about Macross. He can then mention his mention of Macross in the episode description, in a move called Meta-cross. There's some stuff about board games too, I guess.01:51 AYURIS: Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Warcry (Uncredited, Games Worksho...

A great man once said that he thought bullets should cost five thousand dollars. As we are not currently playing a game of SHASN, we here at SVWAG will demur on weighing in on hot-button political issues at this time. Suffice to say that while there is another raging controversy about whether one should address cost in the context of board games criticism, Bullet♥︎ does not cost five thousand doll...

No, not winning, that is emphatically not on the docket today. Today we inveigh against whining, which is a form of meta-whining; what the Brits call "recursive whinging" or the French language names "le grand boo-hoo." Given that the hosts engage in this degenerate, despicable behaviour, this is very much an issue of do as we say, not as we say when whining. Perhaps this is more complicated than...

Don't you know who I amRemember my nameFaiyumI'm gonna live for everI'm gonna learn how to fly-clearly some song about ancient PharaohsGames Played Last Week:00:51 -Aquatica (Ivan Tuzovsky, Cosmodrome Games, 2019)05:06 -Dungeon Petz (Vlaada Chvátil, CGE, 2011)07:46 -Concordia Solitaria (Mac Gerdts, PD-Verlag, 2021) 11:25 -CuBirds (Stefan Alexander, Catch Up Games, 2018)12:01 -Dragonwood (Darren Ki...

CASSIUS: Did SVWAG say any thing? CASCA: Ay, they spoke Geek. CASSIUS: To what effect? CASCA: Nay, an I tell you that, I'll ne'er look you i' theface again: but those that understood them smiled atone another and shook their heads; but, for mine ownpart, it was Geek to me.01:54 AYURIS: Star Wars: Outer Rim (Corey Konieczka with Tony Fanchi, FFG, 2019) Games Played Last Week:03:30 -Paleo (Peter Rus...

Round structure of Anachrony: I. Jump to the left phase. II. Step to the right phase. III. Bring your knees in tight phase. IV. Pelvic thrust phase. V. Drives you insane phase. Let's play Anachrony again! It's just...Games Played Last Week:01:25 -Barrage (Tommaso Battista & Simone Luciani, Cranio Creations, 2019)07:49 -Argent: Summer Break (Trey Chambers, Level 99 Games, 2014)11:19 -Warhammer Unde...

The kids these days, what with their pokemons and their video games. The bleeping and the blooping. Personally I think civilization's gone downhill since Pong. It's all the colours! Pong had one too many colours if you ask me. What with the violence in the games and in the rock music and the hip hop... Hell in a handbasket. Coming soon to PS5: "Hell in a Handbasket" by EA.01:50 AYURIS: Hellboy: Th...

Wheel, snipe, celly boys. Crushin' sandos. Superstar power poses? Pfft. I could run a clinic on this, boys. The flow, and the snow. That's it, tarps off boys! You looking for a tilly, buddy? It's time for a donnybrook! Ferda. Games Played Last Week:01:17 -Crystal Palace (Carsten Lauber, Feuerland Spiele, 2019)08:21 -Schotten Totten 2 (Reiner Knizia, IELLO, 2020)11:04 -Blackout: Hong Kong (Alexande...

So. Many. Games. Could two humans play so many games in a mere week? Well, certainly no humans that aren't preternaturally devoted to their dear listeners. But we are devoted, and your mere idlest of wishes is our most sacrosanct of commands; and so, brutal though taskmasters that you are, you bid us play so. Many. Games.01:19 AYURIS: Asgard's Chosen (Morgan Dontanville, Mayfair Games, 2013)Games...

One portentious day, Uwe Rosenberg will design a worker-placement game where polyomino sheep breed by being sown into fields that are also special power cards, and the Great Cycle will be complete. No one knows what happens then, and quite frankly we are too afraid to ask. Games Played Last Week:01:33 -Anachrony: Fractures of Time (Richard Amann, Viktor Peter, Dávid Turczi, & Mindclash Games, 2020...

"My defense, Your Honour, was that I was specifically mandated by the rulebook issued by M. Xavier Georges and Quined Games to violate the lockdown restrictions issued by the Province of Ontario. I would put to you that it is unjust for the government to force me to choose between public heath measures backed by civil sanction on the one hand, and being a dirty dirty cheater on the other. Why are...

Board Game Arena gets more and more of our gaming time, what with its snappy interface and minimal system requirements. The sound effects, though, are controversial. The community seems divided on whether the whooshes are pleasing or distracting, and whether the knock-knock-knock sound is charming or nerve-wracking. We have heard the noise accused of being evocative of imminent swatting, which see...

If you've been following board games social media recently, you might have noticed that it's been a rough couple of weeks. Incidents like these, albeit difficult, allow us a chance to define our community and underscore our values. Silence can imply consent. We can either choose to silently defend powerful figures use their influence to harm vulnerable people without consequence, or we can choose...

Too much news! So much news, in fact, that we had to cut some news. Some news, though news-y, will keep until next week. The key is to wrap the roots of the news in damp paper towel, put the news in a plastic bag, and put the bag in the fridge. The news will keep up to a couple weeks that way, whereas it would have become limp news on the counter in as little as a day. Games Played Last Week:01:11...

In honour of our big, blowout, end-of-year extravaganza spectacular, no expense was spared. Mark put on pants. Walker wore his t-shirt with the fewest holes. The sheep freshly sheared. The palanquin carriers were freshly oiled. Come, thrill to the summary of what was actually a very good year in terms of boardgame releases. Games Played Last Week:02:16 -Guardians (Callin Flores, Plaid Hat Games, 2...

All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious episode of SVWAG! A day with So Very Wrong About Games is like a day on the farm. Every word's a banquet! Every sentence a fortune! Every review a soliloquy! I love SVWAG!Games Played Last Week:01:40 -Aristeia!: Prime Time (Alberto Abal, Jesús Fuster, & David Rosillo, Corvus Belli, 2020)05:05 -Vengeance: Director’...

"I hit you!" "Nuh-uh, you missed!" "I totally hit you!" "I dodged it!" "I have special homing missiles you can't dodge!" "I have a shield that redirects all your shots back to you!" "I have an invincibility field!" "I can shoot through invincibility!" At this point, Games Workshop would have us roll off, with the person rolling higher getting the title of Most Obnoxious Person.01:49 AYURIS: Cthulh...

Mark has occasion to quote three different movies in this episode, and miraculously none of them are Pulp Fiction, The Lion in Winter, or even Aliens--despite the latter being related to a game discussed! Perhaps his echolalia is abating, or perhaps merely evolving. One should, after all, take every advantage to quote the well-spoken Ayatollah of Rock-and-Rolla. Games Played Last Week:01:19 -Pax R...

One is reminded of those memes that plot definitions on two axes, asking to what degree the reader is a purist or a rebel--the setting purist and the mechanical purist would say "Descent is a dungeon crawler." Perhaps the setting purist and mechanical rebel would say "Dungeon Lords is a dungeon crawler." Invariably these memes revel in the reductio ad absurdum, so I have to imagine the setting reb...

It is the nature of the Walker who cries wolf that if he repeats the claim often and consistently enough, it might come true eventually. Despite the unrelenting constancy of Chinese New Year, some games do actually get produced--just only after they have emerged from their purgatorial delay in the never-ending holiday. So it is with Tidal Blades; after claims of "any day now" for years, it finally...