So Very Wrong About Games

I used to tell a joke about Heimdall, but it was pretty horny. I used to tell a joke about Osiris, but it fell to pieces. I used to tell a joke about Venus, but it was masturbatory. I used to tell a joke about Sleipnir, but it didn't have legs. I used to tell a joke about Prometheus, but it needed a spark. I used to tell a joke about Draupnir, but it just didn't ever end. I used to tell a joke abo...

We delve deep into knowledge and doubt this week on SVWAG. How do we know what we know? How can we know what we don't know? Why did Mark think Vienna Connection was a train game? Who or what is Wormy Plums, and is it a euphemism for some kind of sex act? Why is there no Masterpiece Theatre? Thankfully, we can at least answer that last question--it is because The F8 of the Furious took such a toll...

The crushing burden of Masterpiece Theatre is having a toll. I had an attitude problem, but then I took a timeout, and I thought about what I did. The success of the Fast and/or Furious movies is undeniable--business-wise, this all seems like appropriate business--but at what cost? I went to the stock market today. I did a business. SVWAG is most emphatically not children stacked together wearing...

NB: "Language independent" can be a loaded term, and we confess we used it a tad sloppily in our discussion of Tribune. Latin is used throughout the game, and ain't nobody speaks Latin as their first language anymore, but nonetheless in hindsight we could have been more sensitive to those more familiar with non-Latin alphabets. Thus, we should say that the original Primus Inter Pares expansion and...

Absence, as they say, makes the heart grow fonder, which I believe was an aphorism coined about a gamer's relationship with their prized game collection. Mark finds himself separated against his will from his many many boxes, which makes Walker's occasional reminders of games he left behind all the more painful. Fortunately, Mark has his stable of insect rikishi to keep him company.01:18 AYURIS: L...

With Mark out of town, we peek behind the curtain here at SVWAG, offering you insights from the seldom-heard support staff that make this show possible. Walker seems liberated from his overbearing colleague, while others are coping with loss in their own way. Games Played Last Week:00:40 -Shards of Infinity (Gary Arant & Justin Gary, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2018)01:11 -Spire's End (Greg Favro,...

Mark has not yet finished his Cain-like eternal wanderings throughout Canada (though he didn't even murder any siblings), but we nonetheless conspired in advance to make this episode possible. Sporadic though our output may be until such time as SVWAG West gets established, we will take care of you as best we can. Games Played Last Week:02:03 -Regicide (Paul Abrahams, Luke Badger, & Andy Richdale,...

It's a card game that spans over four thousand years, but Walker would insist that it only feels like you're playing for three thousand, tops. The great thing about reviewing games by Dávid Turczi is that if you don't enjoy the latest game he's published, wait five minutes and he'll have another one for you. Please remember to tip your server. Games Played Last Week:01:16 -Dice Miner (Joshua DeBon...

As far as Walker is concerned, when he says that Mark is a jerk and he smells funny, that's a prime example of a combo. Mark counters that a perfectly sensible combo is a podcast about board games issuing random observations of silly blockbuster movies. In either case, if you want your mind to break and your conception of reality to weaken, we encourage you to investigate short scale vs. long scal...

Titles, as Herr Doktor Doktor Vincent Diesel, esq. O.B.E. could tell you, are important things. They must be recorded for posterity, quite literally in the case of Dogberry: "But masters, remember that I am an ass, though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass." Mark and Walker are bereft of such honorifics; "Gilded Ones" apparently only applies if you go the full gilt route, whic...

If Walker doesn't want Mark to speak to excess, he really shouldn't be teeing him up by asking about Macross. Or Robotech either, because the difference thereto is a whole discussion unto itself. Of course, Walker is an accomplished troll, willing to return to any subject once raised. Mark has repeatedly been exhorted to not feed trolls, but really, that's just blaming the victim. At this point it...

Get our your cucumber sandwiches and your doilies, you precious little petunias, because we're about to get all cultured on you. Some serious sophistication is going down, and we are not entirely certain our hosts are prepared--mentally, spiritually, let alone hygienically. Games Played Last Week:01:14 -Endless Winter: Paleoamericans (Stan Kordonskiy, Fantasia Games, 2021)03:54 -Altar Quest (Adam...

Walker's got this friend with a problem--not Walker, no not at all, a friend, you see, his name is... Bike Docker... and Bike has this problem that he judges a game by its cover art. Mike I mean Bike is so blinded by his prejudice that it causes him to rag on games like El Grande or GMT's entire catalog just because the cover doesn't appeal to his sensibilities. Luckily, there are enlightened peop...

Our inaugural Mark Bigney is a Blithering Idiot Fest has arrived, and we can chronicle a minor subsection of things that make evident Mark is a not a smart man. Although this episode is jam-packed with content, even its confines cannot contain a comprehensive accounting; rest assured we will return to this topic in future instalments. Games Played Last Week:01:42 -Kemet: Blood and Sand (Jacques Ba...

From Wikipedia: "Mark Sinclair (born July 18, 1967), known professionally as Vin Diesel, is an American actor and filmmaker. One of the world's highest-grossing actors, he is best known for playing Dominic Toretto in the Fast & Furious franchise. Diesel began his career in 1990 but struggled to gain roles until he wrote, directed, produced, and starred in the short film Multi-Facial (1995). This a...

Fun fact: The Red Cathedral isn't really a cathedral at all, it's a sobor, which isn't really the same thing. Also fun fact: Unsurprisingly, Mark is wrong to say that Fenrir will swallow the moon at the end of the world, as that is patently absurd. Fenrir swallows the sun, which makes perfect sense. Except, of course, for renditions where Fenrir's children Skoll and Hati swallow the moon and sun r...

Knizia reference, check; Kant reference, check; Shakespeare reference, check (albeit subtle); Scott Pilgrim reference, check (albeit a gimme); Macross reference, check; Letterkenny reference... wait, this must be a mistake. Where's the Letterkenny reference? This is no way to try to win a Golden Geek.01:58 AYURIS: Edge of Darkness (John D. Clair, AEG, 2019) Games Played Last Week:03:38 -Scott Pilg...

The trajectory of spin-offs seems indelibly tied to aquatic environments, so perhaps we ought to accept the inevitable and begin planning for "SVWAG of the Depths" wherein our hosts play games and then talk about them while entirely submerged. Imagine what effect it will have on most dexterity games! Only Chip Theory Games' offerings will emerge unaltered. Sound quality will perforce suffer, as no...

Important Macross news! Mark will ruthlessly exploit any and all chances to mention Macross, and so he shoehorns in a quote from a Macross property so he can talk about Macross. He can then mention his mention of Macross in the episode description, in a move called Meta-cross. There's some stuff about board games too, I guess.01:51 AYURIS: Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Warcry (Uncredited, Games Worksho...

A great man once said that he thought bullets should cost five thousand dollars. As we are not currently playing a game of SHASN, we here at SVWAG will demur on weighing in on hot-button political issues at this time. Suffice to say that while there is another raging controversy about whether one should address cost in the context of board games criticism, Bullet♥︎ does not cost five thousand doll...

No, not winning, that is emphatically not on the docket today. Today we inveigh against whining, which is a form of meta-whining; what the Brits call "recursive whinging" or the French language names "le grand boo-hoo." Given that the hosts engage in this degenerate, despicable behaviour, this is very much an issue of do as we say, not as we say when whining. Perhaps this is more complicated than...

Don't you know who I amRemember my nameFaiyumI'm gonna live for everI'm gonna learn how to fly-clearly some song about ancient PharaohsGames Played Last Week:00:51 -Aquatica (Ivan Tuzovsky, Cosmodrome Games, 2019)05:06 -Dungeon Petz (Vlaada Chvátil, CGE, 2011)07:46 -Concordia Solitaria (Mac Gerdts, PD-Verlag, 2021) 11:25 -CuBirds (Stefan Alexander, Catch Up Games, 2018)12:01 -Dragonwood (Darren Ki...

CASSIUS: Did SVWAG say any thing? CASCA: Ay, they spoke Geek. CASSIUS: To what effect? CASCA: Nay, an I tell you that, I'll ne'er look you i' theface again: but those that understood them smiled atone another and shook their heads; but, for mine ownpart, it was Geek to me.01:54 AYURIS: Star Wars: Outer Rim (Corey Konieczka with Tony Fanchi, FFG, 2019) Games Played Last Week:03:30 -Paleo (Peter Rus...

Round structure of Anachrony: I. Jump to the left phase. II. Step to the right phase. III. Bring your knees in tight phase. IV. Pelvic thrust phase. V. Drives you insane phase. Let's play Anachrony again! It's just...Games Played Last Week:01:25 -Barrage (Tommaso Battista & Simone Luciani, Cranio Creations, 2019)07:49 -Argent: Summer Break (Trey Chambers, Level 99 Games, 2014)11:19 -Warhammer Unde...

The kids these days, what with their pokemons and their video games. The bleeping and the blooping. Personally I think civilization's gone downhill since Pong. It's all the colours! Pong had one too many colours if you ask me. What with the violence in the games and in the rock music and the hip hop... Hell in a handbasket. Coming soon to PS5: "Hell in a Handbasket" by EA.01:50 AYURIS: Hellboy: Th...