So Very Wrong About Games

We have become feature-hungry here at SVWAG. We debut Walker's Language Corner which, let us be frank, is not apt to be repeated, especially given Walker's aversion to dead languages. We finally name a recurring segment that has been airing unaccredited for years, and we have dubbed in Mark's Rage Theatre. It is Festivus every day of the year, and Mark has some grievances to air. Games Played Last...

One of the great tragic modern misapprehensions of history is the blanching of fascism. It seems that people can watch Attack on Titan and play with their space marines, and simply because there are no swastikas to be found they assume that there are no connections to fascistic ideology contained therein. This is one of the reasons why we so appreciate the humble cucumber sandwich--we would assert...

Sometimes your devotion and enthusiasm doesn't translate into research or comprehensiveness. Case in point, dear listeners--The Legend of Korra, a franchise Walker introduced to Mark, is one that Walker loves but--shocker!--is one he has only seen but half of. It is revealed during Mark's unhinged ramblings about he would have "fixed" season 3 that Walker is utterly unfamiliar with what he's talki...

"Planned obsolescence" is not just an economic term, it is a way of life for some companies. It is the practice of deliberately making a sold item frail or of limited use until it is unfashionable; this forces the consumer to replace it sooner than they would otherwise. Analysts tell us that it is best deployed by oligopolies to increase their sales volume. Completely unrelatedly, we talk about Ga...

This topic was suggested by Penn State law professor Jacob Schuman, although let us be perfectly clear that he does not necessarily endorse any of the views expressed. I mean, if Justices Breyer and/or Alito heard us impugn their oracular insights, no doubt we would be put on blast; much like those terrible journalists for having the sheer gall to posit that judges are, well, human and all. Perish...

We are dangerously approaching peak culture here on SVWAG. In addition to Masterpiece Theatre, we have the return of the pie ranking system, plus now music tie-ins for Arkhipov Day. Could a wine section be far behind? Well, actually, Mark labels most of Walker's in-game comments the wine section. You see?! Yet more culture! Games Played Last Week:01:53 -Tidal Blades: Heroes of the Reef (Tim Eisner...

It was a thrill to have a pan-Anglo alliance together to raise money for Food Banks Canada, with many current or prior Commonwealth countries represented either on the stream or in the donations. That is globalism we can get behind here at SVWAG. That said, let us make our next planned fundraising endeavour yet more international: a Kickstarter campaign to fund Mark's acquisition of a Ferrari Port...

In case you missed it, we have now offered to the series of tubes the definitive website for all your non-porn non-cat needs. Sowronggames.com is your official repository for all things SVWAG, including all of our episodes, editorial policies, the full Swagoo, and definitions of all the arcane cant of the show (such as Swagoo). Excellent for neophytes and long-time Svwaggers alike. Unlike other we...

All right, we need to talk about Sokka. Another staple of kid's shows is often The Annoying One. I don't know why, but they're often there. Steven Universe had Ronaldo, but they knew to use him sparingly. Sokka is so aggressively obnoxious in the first two episodes it is a miracle anyone makes it to episode three. He could have just been the complainer, but additionally his monumental and gratuito...

We have seen the future, and it is now. We have fired up our Netscape Navigator, and interfaced the hypertext protocol over at Geocities, and made us our very own webzone. Maybe soon we'll be able to set up an FTP server for our episodes. We will register on every web ring we can find, whether it's about Sailor Moon or Tamagotchi or Neopets. So go tell your Usenet groups to head on over to sowrong...

MARCUS BIGNEYHere comes Fantasy Flight's body, mourned by Michael Walker: who,though he had no hand in its death, shall receivethe benefit of its dying, a place in thehobby; as which of you shall not? WALKERFriends, gamers, hobbyists, lend me your ears;I come to bury Fantasy Flight, not to praise it. The evil that publishers do lives after them;The good is oft interred with their bones;So let it b...

Cultural gaps can be quite tragic, to say nothing of socially debilitating. Mark discovers to his horror that Walker is unfamiliar both with a key game and a crucial character in film history. Thank goodness that this faux pas does not sully Masterpiece Theatre, as that would bring shame to both the Warrior of the Wasteland and Vin Diesel. Games Played Last Week:01:02 -Regicide (Paul Abrahams, Luk...

I used to tell a joke about Heimdall, but it was pretty horny. I used to tell a joke about Osiris, but it fell to pieces. I used to tell a joke about Venus, but it was masturbatory. I used to tell a joke about Sleipnir, but it didn't have legs. I used to tell a joke about Prometheus, but it needed a spark. I used to tell a joke about Draupnir, but it just didn't ever end. I used to tell a joke abo...

We delve deep into knowledge and doubt this week on SVWAG. How do we know what we know? How can we know what we don't know? Why did Mark think Vienna Connection was a train game? Who or what is Wormy Plums, and is it a euphemism for some kind of sex act? Why is there no Masterpiece Theatre? Thankfully, we can at least answer that last question--it is because The F8 of the Furious took such a toll...

The crushing burden of Masterpiece Theatre is having a toll. I had an attitude problem, but then I took a timeout, and I thought about what I did. The success of the Fast and/or Furious movies is undeniable--business-wise, this all seems like appropriate business--but at what cost? I went to the stock market today. I did a business. SVWAG is most emphatically not children stacked together wearing...

NB: "Language independent" can be a loaded term, and we confess we used it a tad sloppily in our discussion of Tribune. Latin is used throughout the game, and ain't nobody speaks Latin as their first language anymore, but nonetheless in hindsight we could have been more sensitive to those more familiar with non-Latin alphabets. Thus, we should say that the original Primus Inter Pares expansion and...

Absence, as they say, makes the heart grow fonder, which I believe was an aphorism coined about a gamer's relationship with their prized game collection. Mark finds himself separated against his will from his many many boxes, which makes Walker's occasional reminders of games he left behind all the more painful. Fortunately, Mark has his stable of insect rikishi to keep him company.01:18 AYURIS: L...

With Mark out of town, we peek behind the curtain here at SVWAG, offering you insights from the seldom-heard support staff that make this show possible. Walker seems liberated from his overbearing colleague, while others are coping with loss in their own way. Games Played Last Week:00:40 -Shards of Infinity (Gary Arant & Justin Gary, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2018)01:11 -Spire's End (Greg Favro,...

Mark has not yet finished his Cain-like eternal wanderings throughout Canada (though he didn't even murder any siblings), but we nonetheless conspired in advance to make this episode possible. Sporadic though our output may be until such time as SVWAG West gets established, we will take care of you as best we can. Games Played Last Week:02:03 -Regicide (Paul Abrahams, Luke Badger, & Andy Richdale,...

It's a card game that spans over four thousand years, but Walker would insist that it only feels like you're playing for three thousand, tops. The great thing about reviewing games by Dávid Turczi is that if you don't enjoy the latest game he's published, wait five minutes and he'll have another one for you. Please remember to tip your server. Games Played Last Week:01:16 -Dice Miner (Joshua DeBon...

As far as Walker is concerned, when he says that Mark is a jerk and he smells funny, that's a prime example of a combo. Mark counters that a perfectly sensible combo is a podcast about board games issuing random observations of silly blockbuster movies. In either case, if you want your mind to break and your conception of reality to weaken, we encourage you to investigate short scale vs. long scal...

Titles, as Herr Doktor Doktor Vincent Diesel, esq. O.B.E. could tell you, are important things. They must be recorded for posterity, quite literally in the case of Dogberry: "But masters, remember that I am an ass, though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass." Mark and Walker are bereft of such honorifics; "Gilded Ones" apparently only applies if you go the full gilt route, whic...

If Walker doesn't want Mark to speak to excess, he really shouldn't be teeing him up by asking about Macross. Or Robotech either, because the difference thereto is a whole discussion unto itself. Of course, Walker is an accomplished troll, willing to return to any subject once raised. Mark has repeatedly been exhorted to not feed trolls, but really, that's just blaming the victim. At this point it...

Get our your cucumber sandwiches and your doilies, you precious little petunias, because we're about to get all cultured on you. Some serious sophistication is going down, and we are not entirely certain our hosts are prepared--mentally, spiritually, let alone hygienically. Games Played Last Week:01:14 -Endless Winter: Paleoamericans (Stan Kordonskiy, Fantasia Games, 2021)03:54 -Altar Quest (Adam...

Walker's got this friend with a problem--not Walker, no not at all, a friend, you see, his name is... Bike Docker... and Bike has this problem that he judges a game by its cover art. Mike I mean Bike is so blinded by his prejudice that it causes him to rag on games like El Grande or GMT's entire catalog just because the cover doesn't appeal to his sensibilities. Luckily, there are enlightened peop...