Since You Asked: Uncommon Advice from Cary Tennis

Dear Cary, I have a question about apathy. For years it has been my most loyal companion. I have dreams, visions, I have talents – all of which fall short because I simply do not get around to anything. Most days are spent wandering in a haze. For a long while I thought I was simply lazy and beat myself up terribly, but I don’t think that is the issue. I think fear is the thing on which my apathy...

This is the audio track I published on Salon.com in November, 2000, about hosting the election in our San Francisco garage.--CT Support the show

Dear Reader, In 1997, Norma and I were standing in the garage of the house we’d recently bought, out on 48th Avenue and Ortega in San Francisco, a foggy, flat, sea-washed landscape of mid-20th century row houses, bland, bleak, ordinary, but safe, inexpensive, and near the beach.  So we’re standing there in our garage and this guy walked in. He just walked in and started looking around like he was...

Dear Listener, Usually I write an advice column and then I make a podcast from it. But this week, what I needed to say was better just spoken. I could get into it better. I could feel it in my chest and put it out there, and it wasn't complicated. It was just this: If you care about your life and the lives of those around you, if you want history to judge you kindly, if you want to be part of...

Dear Cary, I'm wondering if I should leave America as soon as possible to avoid whatever may happen during and after the election in November. It feels like Fascism. I would love to know what you think. A fan  Dear Fan, I spent a lot of time thinking about fascism. But finally I remembered who I am. I am not a political person. I cannot predict the future. I love 538.com but odds are not my b...

Dear reader, This week I have received no letters asking for advice. So instead of a column, here is a scene from the novel Famous Actress Disappears . Which I started writing on the N-Judah streetcar in San Francisco in 1995. And which I seem to be still working on. It starts 6 minutes into the podcast if you want to skip my always amusing prelude. Support the show

Dear Cary, I'm writing about a frustration that no one I know--including my spouse, family, and friends--seems to understand. I have my dream job. My current work might be the thing I was put on this Earth to do. It's emotionally fulfilling, it satisfies my interests, it has social gravitas, and it pays well. It's in a field of work where positions are notoriously difficult to get....

Dear Cary, I have spent the past several-plus years drawing and painting and finally acquiring enough discipline and self-regard to give myself time to make art. I have been pleased with my progress. I’ve been posting my work on Instagram, getting good feedback and building followers.  I live in a small town in the South, so social media is my link to the larger world. I look at a lot of art onlin...

Dear Cary, You get a lot of unusual letters so perhaps you will not be shocked to receive one from me. I know you quite well, well enough to know there are many things that you conceal from me. But rather than talk about my problem, as most of your letter writers do, I would rather like to talk about your problem. Or problems. I know you have them. And I am in a privileged position to know about t...

“Dear Cary, When I was divorced and single, I took weekly writing and music classes and I learned how to be completely independent. Eventually I found my true soulmate, we married and we are very happy. But there is not enough time in the day to do all of the things I used to enjoy doing. I miss writing and the ukulele. How can I fit it all in? Am I silly to miss the things I enjoy doing? …” Suppo...

Dear Cary, What do you think about Covid and Black Lives Matter in terms of historical perspective? I think that the Black Death in the Middle Ages paved the way for the Renaissance.  Is what we are going through (radical changes to social protocol) likely to result in a similar revolutionary change, and if so would future historians regard this change as a good or bad thing? Just Wondering Dear J...

Dear Cary, I didn't know who my father was until I was 44. The “father” I had was a man who married my mother when I was 2, and adopted me when I was 6. I found out at 14 that he wasn't my father, but my mom still didn't tell me about the real one. She made up yet another story, and that was all I had until age 44. So I'm 55 and I still want a father. I joke that my mother-need...

Dear Cary,  I am a twice-divorced 54-year-old woman entrepreneur who supports herself through the practice of her craft.  I have a 17-year-old daughter. She is bright, creative, articulate, sleeps a lot and talks to her friends and boyfriend on the phone, is an artist, cartoonist, and enjoys studying underwater hydrothermal vents . Senior year is around the corner and the world has gone mad ... Ti...

Dear Cary, I’m feeling guilty these days about how comfortable my pandemic experience is. I mean, I feel the weight of the chaos going on, for sure. But my family is healthy, our home is comfortable, we can get groceries delivered, our income is steady, etc.  I see other people struggling financially, and especially those fighting the good fight for justice, and I wonder why I lucked out while oth...

Dear Cary, Why is it that when I tell people they need to wear a face mask, I’m the one who ends up feeling terrible? ... Support the show

Dear Cary, I’ve been coping with an anxiety disorder for most of my life. I know and use many of the available tools: the meds, meditation, therapy, exercise, talks with good friends, chocolate chip cookies. Engagement in living in this minute, now. Random acts of kindness and shopping. For years I’ve managed, more or less.  But This Minute Now is outstripping all my coping skills ... Support the...