Sigmund Fraud

Do Jack Jones's friends skew a little on the older side? Sure. But with all due respect to Jack's ex-girlfriend/ex-nanny is that a problem he really needs therapy for? At the very least, Jack, don't go see that total Sigmund Fraud Ian Herrin! He can't even do basic division and multiplication from what I've heard! He'll probably just reach some bizarre conclusion that you should immigrate or becom...

Heiress to the midday mealtime fortune Cindy Lunch is still reeling from the death of her father when her friends wrongfully encouraged her to try Ian out as a therapist. Cindy has real identity issues that no amount of time in the water or chunky jewelry could ever work out. Perhaps living in the big, big, big city has somewhat warped her perspective, but how would she ever be able to figure that...

Career juror Donna Crums has a lot going on in her life, but wouldn't you know dumb old Siggy Fraud Ian Herrin seems intent to make yet another session all about his life and his recent experimentation with self-severancing. The deep traumas Donna must have endured growing up the child of a sunflower might explain some of her binging tendencies that have led her into her current career predicament...

The droopy dog energy Doug Lafontane joins Ian in the office to discuss his dismay over not being invited to his neighbor's 4th of July barbecue. If only someone could help Doug realize he's too concerned with safety and not nearly outgoing and friendly enough to accomplish his goals, however, Ian is far from that person. Instead Ian distracts with yet another tale of Selena Gomez, a unique approa...

Celebrity Blind Gossip columnist Dana Wildebeest has experienced a trauma that’s been haunting her over the last week or so. No matter how hard Ian tries to put Dana in a 7 or 11 box, there may simply be no explanation for the supernatural psychic phenomena she is currently experiencing. And at Ian's rate, she's bound to get dizzy with all of his speculations as to what is going on, but how could...

Ya gotta feel bad for Peter Casey, the time traveler who just wants to makes friends but struggles with basic human interactions. But perhaps he's overthinking things. After all, in 12 attempts, it was the 6th that proved the most successful when Peter attempted to befriend the barista at his local coffee conglomerate. But a Sigmund Fraud like Ian is hardly the type of therapist you want to be tur...

Derek arrives to Ian's office quoting Jeff Bridges after having gotten plastic surgery to look exactly like James Bond actor Roger Moore in a sign he's clearly a very confused and troubled young man. Even if no other therapist will see Derek, does he really deserved the treatment of a UCB weekend team GOAT reject like this Sigmund Fraud proves to be? Maybe if Derek was getting really good advice,...

It is unknown where he came from or where he's going, but very unfortunately Ian's next patient CoJo shares a name based on his real ailment with a controversial and very possibly racist song that originated in the American South. Please moms of the world, if your son has cotton balls for eyes, don't name that child Joe! And furthermore, don't send them to see a total sham of a therapist like Ian!...

The woman behind the person behind XOXO Gossip Girl is none other than the very stressed ghost writer Beatrice Clarc. Without access to her local coffee shop, how can Beatrice be expected to get any work done? Speaking of not getting work done, the sleep depraved C.T.W.R.O.S. himself once again seems on the lookout for fast and easy solutions for his clients without any consideration of real world...

25% of all television watchers between 2:15-3:15 am already know Spud Favreau, ESPN's only movie award show commentator. However, very few people know Spud actually has rather nefarious aspirations to slowly takeover the world. Maybe a good therapist could have talked Spud down and make him realize what a failed corporate genetic experiment he is, though of course old dumb dumb CTWROS Ian Herrin n...

Twinkie Franklin is a woman out of her time. She could use a lot of advice ever since her well of writing dialogue for songs has run dry, but it's not like this joker Ian who calls himself a therapist is going to be much help. I mean, Ian doesn't even know what year it is, for God's sake! Although to be fair, Twinkie may not know who is president in 2022 herself. Be sure to batten down your radios...

Bruce, turn around!! Ian is a toxic therapist and your dynamic is wildly unhealthy! I know you're a robot trying desperately to become human but this oversexed weirdo of a shrink literally colors in his coloring book instead of trying to listen or help you with your issues. Not even a nationalist former AOL disk deserves the fate of Ian's "creative" form of treatment! RUN AWAY!!! Bing bong! Bing b...

Reece Fine would by all accounts seem to be just fine! Reece is wonderfully engaged with the world around him and seems to be well off financially thanks to a fulfilling career doing something he loves. And yet, Ian seems intent on digging and prying himself into negativity. Not even the fun accoutrements around the office distract from Ian giving perverse solution after perverse solution for some...

Eeeek, a mouse!! Mice don't need therapy do they? And if they did, they certainly shouldn't get treatment from that 50's greaser shrink Ian Herrin. Even having your arm snapped off in a peanut butter trap has got to be better than some of the advice this wacko gives out! Petey is a father with 17 kids to be worrying about, but of course all Ian does it make it about sex... AGAIN. Good luck to ya,...

Poor Amelia "Larkin" is perhaps the most aghast patient yet as she lets Ian stew in his own stupidity over and over again. It's really nuts how little Ian listens to her and how much he feels the need to instead constantly mansplain history and science. I hope Amelia and Chelsea can overcome this asshole and his terrible advice (wink).  Good show old chap, you've made it to the most interesti...

102 year old Betsy always makes the best of her life with the exception in her choice of therapist. Betsy has seen just about everything living on 110th street in New York all these years, including a surprisingly large number of anthropomorphic animals. Ian seems intent on making her depressed and himself sexy instead of actually trying to learn something important about the history all around hi...

Steven Lockley is obsessed with Moon Knight but lives a rather puny existence. Poor little Steven depends on the kindness of neighbors just to make sure he can eat his dinner! But something more sinister seems to be going on... Something that a weak ass therapist like Ian Herrin will never be able to resolve peacefully... Oh you like to read down here? Well have you heard about the powerhouse perf...

Love is abound when Paulie Frontbutt comes in to Ian's office in what is clearly a violation of the ethical principals a real therapist would have. Paulie seems to suffer a hyper specific form of kleptomania, but under the supervision of this fraud the only good Paulie sounds like he's going to do is wash his car. Plus, Ian runs up the bill by killing time talking regional grocery store chains and...

LIVE from Under St. Marks, Sigmund Fraud himself interviews patients Barbara Cumb, Trey Dilfer, and Hellen Highwater about their court mandated therapy and their lives as venture capitalists. These three are clearly some sick puppies in desperate need of some hard call outs, but Ian instead seems to only want to talk about sex, dead parents, and whom else they can blame for their situation. ...

Poor old Hal sure is hard on himself! And Ian ain't the guy to help. I mean, some of the implications of the advice he gives in this session are simply obscene. How many times must Hal to be forced to reenter? And how does he not realize that Ian is going to be draining his Touchdown Bank account? I sure hope Hal has a good long look in the mirror and decides to never go back. Oh hey friend! Was a...

Dom Pants is an old school kind of guy used to simple Thursdays of slicing moooooozerella and running into old friends. It's hard to believe a classic guy's guy like Dom would need a shrink to be giving him advice, but would you believe he picked the dumbest one in town on top of that? Ian subs to Dom's dom right away and maybe it's better if he chokes on a cigar pinky rather than say anything els...

Hallmark actor Prieston Hartley find himself in a perpetual holiday season even in March. Prieston seems to have displaced a number of memories and struggles working in the factory system of pumping out film after film, but he shan't find warmth and family values in the dark perverted soul of Ian Herrin. How will the town choir ever raise enough money to continue with Ian blabbering on and on abou...

Avid Dungeons & Dragons player Harry Chan must've rolled terrible on perception and insight to have Ian Herrin as his therapist. Harry is clearly struggling after forgetting to pick up his mother-in-law from the airport but Ian's solution won't be of much real help. Perhaps Ian is the monster that Harry has been campaigning against all along..... Hmmmmmm, was just thinking about how wonderful...

Uber driver James Asavarahap (James Asa for short) joins Ian after a long hiatus from therapy. James is a sensitive, hard working, thoughtful, and well intentioned bro that just wants people to do their own research. James is also frequently struck by moments of invention, although please don't ask him to describe how his future product might be used! A better therapist maybe could help James find...

Rap star Thicki Kitti has been sent to therapy by Crippled Bills Record Label to convince her to release not only her single "Cuz I'm Naked" dropping March 4th, but a whole album that they can exploit and profit from. What Thicki Kitti doesn't realize is that Ian is on the take and won't be of much impartial help either on her road to self-discovery nor to get any closer to that ring in the Himala...