Shut up a Second

In which our heroes pulse like a quasar, suck like a black hole and explode like a dying sun as they discuss space. We try and decipher the best way to go into space, shed light on the thing wheel and worship the humble dung beetle. Jackson gets caught in orbit, Zoe misunderstands some fundamental things about space and Duscher just wants everyone to know how awesome astronauts are. So hold your b...

In which our heroes jingle bells, deck halls, and ride in Santa’s sleigh tonight as we bring you our 2014 Sanspants Christmas Special. In this episode we look at the still mystifying nature of eggnog, the medical benefits of beetles, and the excitement of getting new pants. Jackson is too smug about ghosts, Zoe leads the chorus in a Sanspants christmas carol, and Duscher just wants to wear his pan...

In which our heroes keep taking a break from recording, eat a whole Christmas ham, and re-release our 2013 Christmas Special in a vain effort to buy us more ham-time. In this episode we completely forget everything we learned about eggnog last Christmas, gift-shame, and explore the terror of pets as gifts. Jackson comes up with the greatest Christmas tradition, Marley reveals the dog-eat-dog natur...

In which our heroes get out of the studio, spend time with our friends and family and hastily re-release our 2012 Christmas Special to keep you jerks happy and to buy us some time. In this episode we try to make our own eggnog, discover the secret that makes every family gathering tolerable and go over coping strategies for Mall Santas. Jackson really wants to see some Christmas lights and eat dip...

In which our heroes get cast away, cannot sleep in Seattle, and try to save Private Ryan whilst discussing Tom Hanks. We talk Jennifer Grey's nose, silent restaurants, and Jackson and Duscher's six year romantic relationship. Jackson reveals Tom Hank's dad's name, Zoe defends Tom Hank's typewriter collection, and Duscher just wishes someone would explain ownership of property to him. So join the g...

In which our heroes don a crown, put on their king-capes, and get coronated as we talk Royalty. We discuss the neccesity of legs, the dangers of playing pretend, and putting speedholes on a jousting horse. Jackson decides he wants a dangerous crown, Zoe dedicates way to many days to celebrating hamburgers, and Duscher just wishes Alladin would explain itself. It's an elegant, aristocratic adventur...

In which our heroes spoil milk, steal babies, and hassle the three billy goats gruff as we talk about trolls. We discuss the agricultural competency of trolls, the proper size for trolls, the sentient level of trolls in comparison to hippos and the proper defence against trolls. Jackson learns some new things about coffin sizes, Zoe creates some rad and grisly statues, and Duscher just wants to sa...

In which our heroes polish their suits of armour, sharpen their swords and discuss all things knights on their quest to slay a dragon. We look at the cost/benefit of being an armour squire, the hustle and bustle of the local wife market and wonder what our knight names would be. Sir Jackson the Disappointment kills the Queen and ponders at what age knights are put out to pasture, Sir Zoe the Man w...

In which our heroes wash up on a desert island, draw straws, and do whatever it takes to survive as we talk cannibals. We discuss the dangers of eating brains, the nature of worms, and which Sanspants member is the tastiest. Jackson wants to lick the sphinx, Zoe is frighteningly prepared to eat all her friends, and Duscher just wants the world to know how much he hates rhymes. It's a fine banquet...

In which our heroes erect a tombstone, put on their mourning clothes, have a good grieve and discuss graveyards. We contemplate keeping our dead bodies out of New Zealand, shooting them into space, and protecting them from wolves. Jackson gives listeners permission to date their cousins, Zoe discusses the hassle of coming back from the dead, and Duscher just wants to know why zombies are such an i...

In which our heroes break out the good china, pop some champagne, put on their party hats, and toast to fifty episodes of Shut Up a Second. We wonder if there's a difference between being half dead and half alive, mix up our cereals until it's just chaos with a splash of milk, and count 50 Cents bullet wounds. Jackson explains the living hell that is fifty first dates, Zoe wishes for fifty boyfrie...

In which our heroes roll on up, buy some peanuts, and try and avoid the clowns. We look at the nutritional value of peanuts, the patience of stupid farm folk and the right way to recruit a freak . Jackson wonders about the prerequisites for being a bearded lady (besides the obvious), Zoe creates a terrifying circus of lies and Duscher just wants to impress everyone by eating a whole toffee apple....

In which our heroes orbit the earth, control the tides, and provide light by having the sun reflect off of them. It's a crater filled, desolate adventure as we cruise around in our buggies and talk everything moon. Jackson considers alternate, more amazing methods of space travel, Zoe makes some wild accusations about Stanley Kubrick, and Duscher just wants you to know how long diamonds are for. W...

In which our heroes holster their revolvers, walk right into the bar, and order a whiskey straight. It's a gun toting, toothpick chewing, horse riding adventure as the posse explores everything cowboy. Jackson looks at the poop-related struggles of life on the prairie, Zoe expands our cowboy vocabulary, and Duscher just wishes Zoe would accept the fact that being a wild west prostitute will end in...

In which our heroes pretend to floss daily and watch out for the silent killer; plague. It’s all things dental as we take an in depth look at teeth. Jackson is downright offended at the gangs blind hatred of soup, Zoe introduces us to the Lovecraftian horror that is Mountain Dew Mouth, and Duscher just wants to know why Hollywood demonises innocent dentists. Join the gang as they flash their pearl...

In which our heroes adjust their sunhats, put on their blue denim overalls and start chewing on some wheat to go water them there horses. It’s back breaking labour as we all tend to our own quaint little farm while Jackson extolls the virtues of the humble dungfarmer, Zoe once again proves her dominance by crushing the competition at human farming, and Duscher just wants to know what in the hell B...

In which our heroes strap on their hat-torches, hook in their carabiners, tug twice if anything goes wrong and descend deep into the bowels of the earth. We discuss those giant holes in the ground otherwise known as caves as Jackson does his best to defend the reputation of hermits, Zoe forgets some key things about bats, and Duscher just wishes everyone knew what a sewer was so he could stop expl...

In which our heroes break into the shed and start yanking on cow udders. In the thrilling conclusion to our three part-mini series on the staples, we discuss our favourite white liquid; milk. We’re guzzling as much cow-juice as humanly possible as Jackson explores how many animals we had to go through before settling on the humble cow, Zoe details her strict three-day expiration policy when it com...

In which out heroes break out of their shells and make some omelettes. In part two of our three part mini-series on the staples, we discuss the best part of a chicken that isn't it's breast, leg or thigh; eggs. We’re walking on eggshells as Jackson ponders what life would be like inside an egg, Zoe refuses to believe the Flinstones was anything other than a documentary and Duscher just wants some...

In which our heroes take out some greasy meats, a little cheese and some butter from the fridge to make a sandwich. In part one of our three part mini-series on the staples, we discuss the pinnacle of human invention: bread. We go on a carb loaded journey as Jackson decides he wants a condom made entirely of bread so the lady (or man) can have a sneaky nibble between sessions, Zoe envisions a boyf...

In which our heroes have a touching reunion. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes have a sleepover and stay up late talking about cute boys. For the last episode of our guest season, Jackson and Duscher explore all things hunk with male-thigh enthusiast Bridget McNamara. Join us as we argue about what features are the best bit of a hunk, have an in-depth discussion about Pirates of the Caribbean and fantasise about dating George Clooney. Jackson examines his...

In which our heroes go out for a Bloody Mary Bloody Mary Bloody Mary. Jackson and Zoe talk Urban Legends with our good friend and private eye TDB (the D is for danger proving once again that you shouldn’t give yourself a nickname). Listen in as we discuss some of our favourite urban legends from the drowning dog that turned out to be a rat to the woman whose hair was full of spiders. We talk about...

In which our heroes get down on the floor and encourage everybody to do some kind of dance routine. Jackson and Duscher are joined by part-time dinosaur enthusiast and full time artist Nathan Davis. We collectively fight our urge to sing the Jurassic Park theme song, try and work out what killed the dinosaurs and contemplate what god’s midlife crisis would be like. Nathan gets mad at everyone’s ch...

In which our heroes turn their heads and cough. Jackson and Zoe are joined by Zoe's heterosexual life partner Kristina where we get the inside scoop on doctor/patient confidentiality, explain bug catchers and wonder why so many people are ashamed to ask for help when butt play goes wrong. We learn of Jackson’s yakult addiction, Zoe’s gynaecological mishaps and Kristina’s enema experience. There’s...