Shut up a Second

In which our heroes climb the stage, regress ten years, and head to class as they discuss high school. We look at the unjust nature of some teachers, try to fix education, and wonder what kind of hellschool would ban best friends. Zammit channels his inner bully, Jackson wants to help kids fight swans, Zoe struggles with her taxes, and Duscher just wants to teach teens how not to be dickheads. So...

In which our heroes put on a pair of gumboots, douse ourselves with insect repellent and wade out into the depths as we discuss swamps. We attempt to work out the difference between a swamp, a mangrove, a wetland and a marsh, feed carrots to human teeth wielding fish and talk about Man-Thing. Jackson has to exasperatedly explain what mud men are, Alli isn’t afraid of the ocean and Tessa just wants...

In which our heroes don’t turn up to recording, take a week off and decide to do a clip show instead, so it’s the best bits of Shut up a Second Season 1! Alli shifts through the archive to find the best moments, we remember Duscher’s dad’s tussle with a furby, revisit our bestiary creations and touch upon the many crimes of Caligula. Jackson’s strong and clearly foreign accent has yet to be gentri...

In which our heroes go out for a night on the town and can’t decide between high-heels, sneakers and our much beloved crocs as they discuss shoes. We work out why shoes don’t make sounds, reinvent rollerblades and discover pocket socks. Jackson thinks socks aren’t that clever of an idea, Duscher wants all shoes to be platform shoes and Sonia just looks like an idiot for her high school years. So j...

In which our heroes connect tenuous dots, make some barely convincing arguments and are unmoved in our beliefs as we discuss conspiracy theories… again. We elect a cactus, punch children for doubting the moon landing and are astounded by how many people go missing in National Parks. Jackson wants to know what they are doing about Africa, Marley won’t get anywhere when you count down at her and Dus...

In which our heroes gain extra limbs, use their suction cups to get stuck to the ceiling and release the kraken as they discuss octopuses, octopi and/or octopodes. We find the sweet release of death blue-ringed octopuses provide, discover the best use for an octopus and teach a gorilla and a parrot to have a conversation. Jackson gauges octopus donut brainpower, Jarrod hates the word “seldom” and...

In which our heroes get swole, oil up their rippling bodies, put on some brightly coloured spandex and hop into the ring as they talk about the greatest wrestler in history, John Cena. We find new and exciting professions for Mr Cena, work out just which one of the Funky Bunch he looked liked and let Nanna win for once. Jackson is a big fan of his own calves, Edgoose is eager to see a horse get wr...

In which our heroes rummage through the house, gather everything into piles and work out what items to throw out as we discuss garbage. We try and figure out the difference between garbage and recycling, discover poop-pipes and decide when is the right time to just put your fruit in the bin. Jackson has a computer that can only play solitaire, Zoe is avoiding making a poop-face in public and Dusch...

In which our heroes regress back to eating all their food through the time honoured airplane method, shake brightly coloured rattles and automatically look adorable in tiny outfits while we discuss babies. We unwillingly keep an accidental dead baby tally, the effectiveness of baby spies and question why wolves think it’s a good idea to raise a small human. Ben teaches us how babies can hone in on...

In which our heroes hog the doona, complain that it’s too hot and end up sticking a leg out the side as they discuss beds. We fill mattresses with live eels, mash potato and copies of M*A*S*H, try to work out why we use Zzzz to denote sleep and learn more about snakes than we ever wanted. Jackson lets fish eat his feet, Michael doesn’t like water beds and Zammit just wants to sell out for a memory...

In which our heroes hang out in the Louisiana swamps, have two sets of eyelids, and get hunted by hillbillies as we discuss crocodiles. We try to work out if crocodiles could conceivably drive a car, play with the idea of a Crocodile uprising and consequently war, and attempt to envision an alligator society. Jackson prefers to sit with an alligator on a train, Aaron gives crocodiles more credit t...

In which our heroes reach for their Aeroguard, scratch their bites, throw rocks at beehives and discuss the world of pests. We work out how big a monitor lizard mousetrap would need to be, if a lobster swarm is more a blessing than a curse and the correct procedure for scarabs under your pillow. Jackson wants to know what the worst pest infestation would be, Aaron is quite taken with the notion of...

In which our heroes never age, never get sick and never die as they discuss immortal beings. We seek the sweet release of death, realise how Benjamin Buttonism is the worst version of immortality and try and pinpoint some actual immortals. Jackson decides to eat the enteral spicy pepper, Alli has enough time to learn how to beat woodland critters at chess and Duscher, as always, just wants to die....

In which our heroes venture to the North Pole, get trapped in Santa’s workshop and are forced to make small talk with his little helpers which inevitably turns to elves. We talk about the deep connection between Mrs Claus and Idris Elba, how white-bread eggnog and bocce is and the problems of a shelf elf left to his own devices. Jackson's hatred for monopoly is finally addressed as he becomes a te...

In which our heroes wake up, look in the pantry, realise they’re standing before a live audience and discuss breakfast. We discuss the importance of keeping regular, the dangers of eating a meal at the wrong time, and try to get to the bottom of the Breakfast Club. Zoe gets her eating habits discussed, Jackson commits himself to an eternity of ham, and Duscher just wants everyone to know how he fe...

In which our heroes accept donations from dubious corporations for future political favour, hire the best campaign manager money can buy and go to the polls to discuss Presidents. We come up with fool proof long cons, replace the president with ourselves, and attempt to take Antarctica’s ice. Jackson becomes the president to commit crimes, Zammit needs to stick to the kitchen and Tess loses hersel...

In which our heroes get equilateral, isosceles, and also scalene as they discuss triangles. We sort out how new age toasters work, teach school kids maths, and find triangles in the room. Jackson wants to be buried in a pyramid, Zoe thinks that triangles are the least useful shape and Duscher is just grateful that he wasn’t around when wooly mammoths were around. So join the gang as they triangula...

In which our heroes hang from the rafters, navigate by sonar and feast on bugs and insects as they discuss bats. We consider the differences between bats and flying foxes, venture briefly into the creepiness of balloons, and eventually get back on the bat-track. Jackson has spontaneous bats erupting from his nipples, Duscher recalls experiencing instant karma while committing a crime and special g...

In which our heroes dig a whole, set up camp and try to avoid letting the rain in their underground home as they discuss burrowers… or burrows. No one really knows. We hide bodies into taxidermy animals, fill burrows with objects and work out what vignettes are. Jackson struggles to list things that burrows, Zoe is disappointed in the current parody title trend of using a triple X as a suffix and...

In which our heroes spread their wings, take to the skies, and head south for winter as they discuss birds… Again. We replace our faces with beaks, question if we can eat roosters and attempt to name as many birds as possible to disappointing results. Jackson carries everything around in his gross mouth, Dave Warneke ups the entertainment value of Australian politics with a spoon bill and Duscher...

In which our heroes get invited to a masquerade ball, attempt to conceal their faces and end up in the thrall of Loki as they discuss masks. We discuss which superhero has the worst mask, how to last minute MacGyver a mask using items only found in your car and the shocking connection between William Shatner and Mike Myers (the horror villain, not that plucky Canadian comedian). Aaron doesn’t beli...

In which our heroes spread their wings, take to the skies, and head south for winter as they discuss birds. We upset our Adelaide fans, have vivid man-dreams and attempt to pin down the abilities of a flamingo. Jackson discovers that this podcast can be used against him in the court of law, Dave Warneke teaches us how to fly in your dreams and Duscher just needs to recall a machete. So join the ga...

In which our heroes wonder why it’s so dark, flick switches and illuminate the room so we can discuss lamps. We try to work out if whales have bad breath, attempt to get way more sleep than humanly needed and think the astro-globe is much cooler. Jackson has an existential crisis as he realises that he's never been in a cave, Jarrod talks about his experiences with frogs and Zoe just needs to reca...

In which our heroes stock up on lives, grab as many health potions as they can and use a cheat code to unlock all vehicles and unlimited ammo as we discuss video games. We create video games out of mundane household tasks, make a cashier simulator and check our knees. Jackson sees how naked you can get in almost every game he plays, Zammit squashes his girlfriend’s hand and Duscher just can’t choo...

In which our heroes run their greasy hands through special guest Matt Harvey’s luscious red locks, break out the scissors, hair dye and the trimmer before giving up and heading down to the salon to talk about all things hair. We shape Hitler’s army into the fashionable chaps they were destined to be, ensure cancer patients never get given wigs, wonder which place is the worst to grow hair and try...