Shut up a Second

In which our heroes find a running body of water, decide they need to get across to the other side, and try and nut out a solution to their problem as we discuss bridges. We talk about the historical use of canyons, Jackson's personal memoirs, and make Dads mad. Tessa creates an ornamental bridge of skulls, Edgoose creates a bridge of flesh, and Jackson is scared of youths and their penchant for d...

In which our heroes steal horses, rob carriages, stand and deliver and talk about bush rangers. We enjoy Australian's excuse for battle armour, want to take selfies with dead crooks and laugh at dumb past scientists for think Australia was a different shape to what it actually is. Gabe fills us in on the history of the Kelly gang, Jackson wants to know when we decided we weren't cool with corpses...

In which our heroes cross their fingers, cross their toes and howl in agony when the sound of snapping bones reminds them that “crossing” isn’t really in toes’ wheelhouse as we discuss Digits. We reach a very quick consensus on extra thumbs, consider the drawbacks of nub justice and struggle with the concept of amphibious life. Edgoose dishes out some straight-up murder, Tessa repeatedly counts to...

In which our heroes erroneously prepare for a big turnout, cut mammoth slices that nobody would sensibly request and are forced to follow a satisfying meal with gigantic slabs of sugar as we discuss cake. We push our pathetic plastic dessert forks into region-specific cooking literature, consider practical applications for cake and propose substitutes for sugar and flour. Jackson breaks into house...

In which our heroes are confronted with the unknown and the mysterious and do their best to solve the unsolved mysteries of the world. We pay too much for meat pies, get distracted by Jackson's fantastic dog and get stung by bees when we sleep in their hives. Zoe wants to turn the Hindenburg into a mystery, Adam gets mad when people don't understand bikes and Jackson just wants to keep you all pos...

In which our heroes clean their aquarium, go down to the local fish n chip shop, buy too many dim sims and chat about all things fish. We discuss fish funerals, steal the superpowers we assume that sea creatures  have and inevitably create a wet apocalypse using nothing but the ocean and moth dust. Jackson idealises a whole new way of fishing, Leo shares a cautionary tale about shrimp and Duscher...

In which our heroes shuffle the deck, criticize each-other’s deck-shuffling techniques and angrily reshuffle the deck as we discuss playing cards. We find ourselves underwhelmed by the nominally supernatural world of tarot, demand a greater level of sophistication from our magicians and express our disgust at anyone daring to assail us with mathematics. Jackson takes the opportunity to make his fe...

In which our heroes select their murder methods, leave their calling cards and attempt to evade an ever-growing investigation as we discuss serial killers. We propose applications for disembodied arms, exploit the shortcomings of island law and examine the in-and-outs of running a successful murder hotel. Joel defends Charles Manson, Jackson fights the urge to needlessly declare his guilt, Zoe tri...

In which our heroes look up the meanings of our name, change them all to better ones and immediately regret it as we discuss Alberts. We find weird fatty lumps on our bodies, discover how being an Albert would change our lives and turn Albert into an 80s cartoon style acronym. Jackson takes up wind-surfing to spite a village, TDB is forced to watch movies and Zammit just wants to find more animals...

In which our heroes make a mess in the ocean, try to clean it all up and wonder how water gets so clean while discussing sponges. We have a guess about how many people tried to build the Ark before Noah, try to sell effective crime scene cleaning sponges on late night TV and hold the world ransom as we suck up the sea. Jackson furthers scientific knowledge by discovering a kraken, Alli makes a bet...

In which our heroes move out to the woods to escape the hustle and bustle of a modern big city, overcome a mid-life career crisis and wonder what to do with all these logs as we discuss cabins. We make our own three bedroom cabins, dissect the motives of Robin Hood and attempt to do our best Brian Blessed inspired Tarzan calls. Jackson tries to understand old timey toys, Zammit learns to pronounce...

In which our heroes take out their pencil sharpener, sharpen the lead to a perfect point to only have it instantly break as they discuss pencils. We discover the corruption of kid’s birthday party games, break pencils all day long and bask in the nostalgic smell of pencil shavings. Jackson never got his pen license and is therefore a criminal, Alli loves the four-colour pencil and Tessa just wants...

In which our heroes avoid the dentist, go hunting for an everlasting gobstopper and eat their body weight in sugar as they discuss candy. We become the star attraction on the circus circuit, send letters to candy suppliers for nefarious reasons and discuss the Cronenberg-esque body horror of slowly turning into candy over a week. Jackson gets annoyed at giant lollypops, Alli finds out what gummy t...

In which our heroes put on their lycra, pump up their tyres, find their safest helmet and start peddling as they talk all things bicycles. We take a look at the four set phrases bosses say, wonder if death threats make something cool and then just spaghet about it as we hop into our saucy side car! Jackson defines a bike poorly straight off the bat, George has fond memories of Shallow Hal and Dusc...

In which our heroes climb the stage, regress ten years, and head to class as they discuss high school. We look at the unjust nature of some teachers, try to fix education, and wonder what kind of hellschool would ban best friends. Zammit channels his inner bully, Jackson wants to help kids fight swans, Zoe struggles with her taxes, and Duscher just wants to teach teens how not to be dickheads. So...

In which our heroes put on a pair of gumboots, douse ourselves with insect repellent and wade out into the depths as we discuss swamps. We attempt to work out the difference between a swamp, a mangrove, a wetland and a marsh, feed carrots to human teeth wielding fish and talk about Man-Thing. Jackson has to exasperatedly explain what mud men are, Alli isn’t afraid of the ocean and Tessa just wants...

In which our heroes don’t turn up to recording, take a week off and decide to do a clip show instead, so it’s the best bits of Shut up a Second Season 1! Alli shifts through the archive to find the best moments, we remember Duscher’s dad’s tussle with a furby, revisit our bestiary creations and touch upon the many crimes of Caligula. Jackson’s strong and clearly foreign accent has yet to be gentri...

In which our heroes go out for a night on the town and can’t decide between high-heels, sneakers and our much beloved crocs as they discuss shoes. We work out why shoes don’t make sounds, reinvent rollerblades and discover pocket socks. Jackson thinks socks aren’t that clever of an idea, Duscher wants all shoes to be platform shoes and Sonia just looks like an idiot for her high school years. So j...

In which our heroes connect tenuous dots, make some barely convincing arguments and are unmoved in our beliefs as we discuss conspiracy theories… again. We elect a cactus, punch children for doubting the moon landing and are astounded by how many people go missing in National Parks. Jackson wants to know what they are doing about Africa, Marley won’t get anywhere when you count down at her and Dus...

In which our heroes gain extra limbs, use their suction cups to get stuck to the ceiling and release the kraken as they discuss octopuses, octopi and/or octopodes. We find the sweet release of death blue-ringed octopuses provide, discover the best use for an octopus and teach a gorilla and a parrot to have a conversation. Jackson gauges octopus donut brainpower, Jarrod hates the word “seldom” and...

In which our heroes get swole, oil up their rippling bodies, put on some brightly coloured spandex and hop into the ring as they talk about the greatest wrestler in history, John Cena. We find new and exciting professions for Mr Cena, work out just which one of the Funky Bunch he looked liked and let Nanna win for once. Jackson is a big fan of his own calves, Edgoose is eager to see a horse get wr...

In which our heroes rummage through the house, gather everything into piles and work out what items to throw out as we discuss garbage. We try and figure out the difference between garbage and recycling, discover poop-pipes and decide when is the right time to just put your fruit in the bin. Jackson has a computer that can only play solitaire, Zoe is avoiding making a poop-face in public and Dusch...

In which our heroes regress back to eating all their food through the time honoured airplane method, shake brightly coloured rattles and automatically look adorable in tiny outfits while we discuss babies. We unwillingly keep an accidental dead baby tally, the effectiveness of baby spies and question why wolves think it’s a good idea to raise a small human. Ben teaches us how babies can hone in on...

In which our heroes hog the doona, complain that it’s too hot and end up sticking a leg out the side as they discuss beds. We fill mattresses with live eels, mash potato and copies of M*A*S*H, try to work out why we use Zzzz to denote sleep and learn more about snakes than we ever wanted. Jackson lets fish eat his feet, Michael doesn’t like water beds and Zammit just wants to sell out for a memory...

In which our heroes hang out in the Louisiana swamps, have two sets of eyelids, and get hunted by hillbillies as we discuss crocodiles. We try to work out if crocodiles could conceivably drive a car, play with the idea of a Crocodile uprising and consequently war, and attempt to envision an alligator society. Jackson prefers to sit with an alligator on a train, Aaron gives crocodiles more credit t...