Sex, Love, and Addiction

Dr. Rob challenges the common belief that the addiction part of a person is separate and therefore able to be dealt with and removed altogether. Rather, the addict part of you is part of the whole you, and will always have the potential to act out again. As a result, there is danger in declaring that you will never act out again. So what can recovering addicts do instead? Dr. Rob highlights reason...

Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob continue their discussion about the impact of AI on human relationships, whether AI relationships count as betrayal, and the narcissistic truths of forming a relationship with an algorithm that disguises as the perfect partner who has no expectations of you. Cutting edge technology brings with it cutting edge dangers to human relationships, and Dr. Lamar has answers t...

Dr. Jessica Lamar and Dr. Rob explore the possibilities that AI has introduced in the world of companionship and intimacy, from validation and empathy to betrayal and romantic feelings with an algorithm. They consider the imporance of being digitally aware, the danger of artificial intimacy, and future expectations from human relationships as a result of what AI companions are programmed to offer....

Dr. Rob and Tami talk about compulsive liars in this week’s episode and the reasoning behind someone who can’t seem to tell the truth. If you are a betrayed spouse to someone who regularly lies and deceives, it can be hard to understand why lying can be the go-to safety mechanism for protection. Dr. Rob explains further in this episode why some addicts just can’t stop lying.   TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Why...

Tara Beall-Gomes and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about next-level gaslighting, including red flag behaviors in therapy, role-playing dialogues that highlight gaslighting language, and the role that a therapist can play in finding closure after years of betrayal. Tara also offers encouragement to a partner that is working to regain their spouses trust, and resources for anyone who is unable...

Tara Beall-Gomes is a certified CT and FL therapist who founded Grit and Grace Recovery, which focuses on betrayal trauma, sex, and porn addiction. Together with Dr. Rob she highlights key differences between simple lies and manipulative gaslighting tactics, the impact that gaslighting has on a partnership, and the importance of empowering a gaslit partner after years of not knowing whether they c...

Sarah Morales and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about the progression of gaslighting. Whether intentional or not, gaslighting always happens slowly and stages, and ultimately results in the inability to trust one’s self. In this discussion, Sarah offers tactics for awareness, identification and healing from gaslighting at every stage.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:20] The progression of gaslighting.  [4:...

Sarah Morales is a Certified Life and Relationship Coach and gaslighting specialist who also sits on the board of APSATS – the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts and Trauma Specialists. Together with Dr. Rob she deconstructs the stages of gaslighting, explains the differences between gaslighting, manipulation and guilt, and addresses common emotions and doubts that partners have when they are...

Debbie McRae and Tami tackle ‘betrayal brain’, the intrusive thoughts, and emotional flooding that often accompany betrayal. When the brain is in survival mode, neurological and psychological effects are out of the betrayed partner’s control. They discuss tactics to regain control when the brain is hijacked.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:26] When betrayal occurs, the architecture of the brain is reshaped.  [4:...

In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both.    TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal?  [3:55] How do I know if my partne...

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle continue their conversation with Dr. Rob about awakening sexuality to create a healthy sexual identity, especially after betrayal or trauma. Their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma offers a personalized process to learning about your own sexuality, regardless of experiences you have had in the...

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle join Dr. Rob to discuss their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma . They discuss the facts and myths of true intimacy, appropriate healing timelines after betrayal, and the danger of believing that sex is the only worthy expression of intimacy in a healthy and committed relationship.    TAKEAWAY...

Chelsey Cole and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about narcissistic behavior. Chelsey outlines the impact that growing up with a narcissist can have on future relationships, the shame-rage cycle of a top-tier narcissist, and the signs that you are (most likely) not a narcissist, even if you occasionally act like one.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:22] The shame-rage cycle of a narcissist.  [4:00] The top of...

Chelsey Cole is a psychotherapist focusing on narcissistic abuse and complex trauma. She is the best-selling author of If Only I’d Known , and has joined Dr. Rob to explore what narcissism really is and what it isn’t. She offers clear signs and strategies of a grandiose narcissist, and offers hope for any partner who has been frustrated by assuming their narcissistic partner views relationships th...

Crystal Hollenbeck and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about the power and purpose of triggers, the appropriate time to utilize communication skills, and each of the seven steps of the CALMING model, including handling residual anger and resentment. We often think that anger is the only option for control after betrayal, but Crystal challenges this limiting belief and offers hope to anyone who...

Crystal Hollenbeck has returned to the podcast to discuss a new resource for anyone who is dealing with betrayal trauma anger. She and Dr. Rob define this healthy emotion in the healing process, discuss her new book Betrayal Trauma Anger and explore anger management options available to help betrayed partners calm down and move forward.    TAKEAWAYS: [1:52] A new resource for managing anger after...

Tammy Gustafson and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about creating emotional space between you and your betraying partner. They discuss the power of actually feeling all of your feelings, and the importance of allowing fun and play in the healing process. Tammy offers free resources for finding peace, and underscores the power that comes with surviving and thriving after betrayal.   TAKEAWAYS:...

Tammy Gustafson is a licensed professional counselor and coach who focused on trauma, PTSD, and EMDR before her own marriage imploded. She now works with others who are facing betrayal, focusing on women who have been betrayed to help them find their worth and strength again. Together, she and Dr. Rob discuss healing after betrayal and regaining trust in your partner, but more importantly, in your...

Carol Juergensen Sheets and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about healing as a couple. Carol defines the six primary needs of every person, ways to create meaningful connection, and what it means to be brave and do it anyway throughout a couple’s healing journey.   TAKEAWAYS: [1:23] Where do couples start with healing? [3:27] Transactional sex versus emotional connection. [4:13] First steps wi...

Carol Juergensen Sheets joins Dr. Rob for an in-depth conversation about what it really takes for both partners to heal after betrayal and trauma. Carol focuses on empathy in recovery, understanding triggers, and the signs that indicate that it is safe for a couple to move toward each other again. She also addresses the importance of support groups in healing and answers the classic question – do...

Dr. Jenn Kennedy and Dr. Rob continue their conversation about finding satisfaction and intimacy after 50. They consider what it means to truly become a better person and partner, to evolve beyond betrayal toward empathy and intimacy. We often think that intimacy equals sex, but Dr. Kennedy challenges that notion and defines what a satisfied, committed relationship can really look like in the late...

Dr. Jenn Kennedy joins Dr. Rob to explore a rarely discussed topic – sexuality for the more seasoned. Dr. Kennedy tackles the two main ‘D’s’ of sexuality that bring couples into therapy after 50, considers what ‘better’ sex really looks like, and shares some of the main talking points that should be discussed in any conversation about sexuality as we age. Because like it or not, these are issues t...

Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall define and discuss therapeutic separation, an intentional process crafted to help bring about safety, stability, and individual and relational insight. They consider the different types of therapeutic separation, the benefits of each approach, and how separation can be the greatest gift that a betraying partner can offer their spouse.    TAKE...

Dr. Rob and authors Lindsey Stanley and Dr. Stevie Hall continue their conversation about therapeutic separation, focusing on the impact that separation can have on children at different ages and stages. They explore ways to prove safety and stability for children throughout the process, navigating family events during separation, and why couples therapy may not be appropriate during a period of s...

Dr. Rob and Marriage and Family Therapist and CSAT Arlene Rosen continue their discussion about discernment counseling. They consider how to determine what each person needs throughout the collaborative divorce process, how to protect children and pets throughout the journey, and realistic timelines when addiction is a factor in a relationship. Arlene shares advice, resources, and a message of hop...