Settling Is Bullshit

A deeply relevant reminder that we are all always allowed to change our minds – in decisions big and small. So if you need that reminder, this is an excellent one. Permission granted! Read along at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/08/02/permission-to-change-your-mind/

We all need to take a break sometimes, and this episode is both a reminder and announcement! I'll be taking the next few weeks off for a much-needed season break, and this episode is a lovely little pep talk for you to take some time off, too.

We all have shit going on in our lives that scares us, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as fear. And that means we all have to make brave choices sometimes, even if we don’t necessarily think of it as bravery. But facing our shit – whether it’s the big, heavy stuff, or the seemingly inconsequential stuff we keep putting off – requires courage. It requires bravery. So this episode is your p...

Swearing is caring, y’all! And in this extra sweary episode, mindset coach and recovering perfectionist Ally Rounsley takes us on a deep dive into how to build resilience by stepping into a f*ck around and find out (FAAFO) mentality. Though, not in the getting-into-fights sense that this phrasing sometimes implies. (And also not in a sexy-time connotation, but you do you!) We’re tackling this in t...

Yesterday marked my 14th anniversary of getting sober – which is a big deal! And also tends to stir up a lot of weird emotions: ambiguous grief, an intense combination of gratitude and longing, lots of hope and heaviness at the same time… So this episode is very much about my recovery specifically, but also about pausing to reflect on how far we’ve come – any of us, around anything we’ve been work...

In this lovely, vulnerable conversation with filmmaker Jacob Combs, we explore the ways that personal identity evolves over time, and how a vast range of experiences accumulate to form the rich tapestry of the person each of us gets to become. We unpack our experiences with creative evolution, our mutual journeys of queer identity, and what it means to belong to both ourselves and to our chosen co...

Sharing vulnerability is the foundation of meaningful relationships and wholehearted living. It’s also really fucking hard – by definition. To be vulnerable means to share our tenderness and open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. But it’s super worth it, and it’s the only way to cultivate the kind of connection that most of us crave. This episode serves as a reminder that vulnerabil...

Figuring out who we are and who we want to be is a long and winding road for all of us – gay, straight, and everything in between. Whether it’s a matter of gender, sexuality, or just what the hell we want to do with our lives, the journey of self-discovery often involves a lot of trial and error, of figuring out what we don’t want in order to get one step closer to learning what we do. In this mag...

Most of us have parts of ourselves that leave us feeling like a weirdo. We have hobbies or interests that we keep quiet about because we're worried about what other people will think. This episode is a pep talk for letting go of all that gunk and letting our metaphorical freak flags fly – even if they're just those little mini flags and we only wave them in our living rooms. We gotta start somewhe...

Holding out for the right person takes a lot of courage, resilience, and self-awareness. It also takes hope! And coach Lisa Lewis-Cogswell’s long and winding love story is a hefty dose of inspiration for anyone trudging the long road of searching for genuine partnership. We talk about what it feels like to surrender, to listen to your knowing, to open your heart, to cultivate hope, and to manifest...

Understanding the mechanisms of habits, as well as the differences between rituals and routines, gives us the power to make positive changes in our lives. And inviting love into the process of change can make it feel a whole lot lighter. To read along, visit the website: SettlingIsBullshit.com

While it's easy to intellectually know that we need rest in order to get on with the business of adulting, it isn't always that easy to know what kind of rest we actually need. Pausing to recharge is hard enough on its own, but unless we get clear on what kind of energy we're trying to fill up on, we're probably just going to stay stuck in the same spin cycle of exhaustion. This episode is your re...

Let’s talk about sex, baby! Or, talk about how reading and writing about sex is a guilt-free, shame-free political act. That’s right, in this conversation with the fabulous debut romance novelist Alyssa Jarrett we go on a wild ride about feminism, authenticity, identity, privilege, pursuing our creativity in the face of nay-sayers, and… werewolf erotica. (She doesn’t write werewolf erotica, but we...

A lot of times, the first step in personal growth – in expanding into a bigger, better version of ourselves – is giving ourselves permission. There is safety in the familiar, and for many of us, stepping outside the bounds of that comfort requires a sense of permission, a sense that we're allowed to do the thing that we want to do (or that scares us but we know will ultimately be for our good). Ev...

The happy shiny aspects of self-love might get the most time in the spotlight, but the messy parts are just as in need of our attention. In this delightful conversation with personal coach Dawn Church, we talk about how experiencing the full range of self-love involves welcoming and attending to all parts of ourselves, even the ones we'd prefer to ignore. Dawn even manages to convince me that melt...

For a lot of us, trying new things (aka learning) can be deeply, wrenchingly uncomfortable. It can also be super duper awesome, especially on the other side. There is joy to be found in our expansion, in our stepping out or into the world of possibility and weathering the discomfort that comes from growth. This is your pep talk and invitation to try something new – even if it's just telling yourse...

In this conversation with Dr. Sarah Roth, an ER physician and fulfillment coach, we chat about the neuroscience of change and the way that physically moving our bodies can facilitate shifts in mood and mindset. Because our connective tissue has more neurons and neuroreceptors than any other organ in the body, any physical movement we make can have a substantial impact on our mental outlook – which...

Comparison robs us of our capacity to feel joyful, it stifles creativity, it drags us down and fuels our inner critics – if we let it . The reality is we have a lot more choice and agency around comparison than we often think, and my encouragement here is to find the comparisons that spark inspiration rather than defeat. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/ References: The Ps...

The inaugural episode of the podcast! It's unscripted! It's imperfect! It's an act of courage and creativity, and a raw pep talk for you and for me to just get started on the things we want for ourselves. We have to start somewhere, even if it means holding onto our Squishmallows and just hitting record.

When we stumble across relics of our past, we're presented with an opportunity: we can use it as fodder for the inner critic, or we can, instead, choose to contemplate who we once were through the lens of curiosity and kindness. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/03/18/viewing-our-past-with-generosity/

Maybe getting shit done has less to do with motivation and more to do with action. In other words: We can’t wait for the motivation to appear. We have to act our way into feeling motivated. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/02/21/action-fuels-motivation-seriously/

Dating isn’t supposed to be terrible. It’s not supposed to be a chore. It’s not supposed to be something we dread or make ourselves do. It shouldn’t suck the fucking life out of us. Dating is supposed to be fun . To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/

Here’s the radical proposition we’ll be working through: if we want to get out from under the roiling doom cloud of perfectionism and its acid rain of self-criticism, our work begins with permission to fuck some shit up – ideally in front of other people. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/16/doing-things-imperfectly-in-public/

The idea that our contributions to the world only matter if they are somehow new and edgy and original is bullshit. It’s the story our inner saboteurs come up with to keep us small and safe and protected from disappointment. I hereby hand you permission to be exactly yourself! It's awesome! I promise. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/22/permission-to-be-unor...

We all need a whole lot of stuff all of the time – all of which is normal. All of it. And we have to stop being mean to ourselves for needing stuff. Once we can be gentle with ourselves, it gets easier to ensure our needs are met. To read along, visit the website: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/06/23/your-needs-are-not-a-failing/