Settling Is Bullshit

You know what fuels patriarchy and capitalism? The “what’s in it for me” mindset. You know what nourishes our souls and creates a sense of community, connection, and care (especially during difficult times)? Shifting into the mindset of being a contribution. Whether we call it being of service, sharing our gifts, or leaving things better than we found them – adopting a mentality of giving what we...

Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world is hard. It just is. But we don’t have to lose ourselves in shame and self-loathing when we can’t contort ourselves into the shapes society wants for us. In this conversation with TT Hernandez, artist and trauma-informed coach for creative minds, we share about our journeys as late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers and how we found our way out of shame and burnout...

Any time we’re making changes in our lives, any time we’re learning something new, any time the universe throws us a curve ball – there’s usually a big chunk of mess we have to wade through to get to the other side. This episode goes out to anyone who’s feeling stuck in that muck. Sometimes things are just shitty for a while. Sometimes we’re in limbo with nothing we can do about it. Sometimes we’r...

A reflection in the midst of heartache, this episode touches on what it means to be in relationship – with ourselves and with others (and with the pets that we have to eventually let go). There are costs to love – sometimes hidden, often overlooked, but almost always worth it. Your invitation with this listen is to come home to the love within and to consciously choose to show up in love today – i...

Whether it’s a New Year’s Resolution that’s already fallen to the wayside, a healthy habit you’ve been struggling to reintegrate, or a lovely little hobby that once brought you joy – today’s episode is your pep talk to just pick it back up. No guilt. No shame. No stories about wasted time. The truth is that we all fall out of sync with the things we want for ourselves. Habits are hard to maintain,...

Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other. This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, givi...

Creativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process. In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore th...

This episode goes out to anyone who is wandering the minefield of modern dating and needs a little pep talk about rejection. It’s a rallying cry to remember that relationships are all about fit, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s easier to believe that, in the long term, this is for our own good. So, basically, if you want to hear me remind you that things are ultimately going to be ok...

It ain’t easy to step off the beaten path or to swim ashore from the river of what everyone else is doing. But consciously choosing to opt out of hustle culture and the grind of unrealistic expectations isn’t impossible! It’s hard, for sure. It’s also hella worth it. In this conversation with Matthew Smith, founder of Wimp Decaf and multi-passionate entrepreneur, we talk about his journey of stepp...

While it’s a pithy and seemingly obvious statement, the fact remains that: if nothing changes, nothing changes. In other words, if we want things to be different, we have to start doing things differently. This counts for dating, career change, healthy habits, sobriety - any time we want things to be better, easier, or more awesome. So this episode is a pep talk for change and an opportunity for s...

When was the last time you deeply felt your relationship to the world around you? To the land, to the plants, to the ways in which everything is interconnected? In this philosophical and exploratory conversation with Karma Maymi the steward of Clary Sage Herbarium in Portland, Oregon, we discuss the concept of stewardship and what it means to be in relationship with our surroundings. Our discussio...

Fixed mindset expects instant results. It tells us that if we aren’t immediately good at something, it’s because we lack the talent or capacity. It tells us to give up without really trying. A fixed mindset feeds the inner gremlins of not good enough any time we make a mistake or things don’t turn out perfectly. But, we have to be willing to be bad at things if we ever want to get good at them. An...

For recovering perfectionists, type-A planners, and those of us who really just want to get an A at life, it can be extra hard to try new things. It can also be super hard when life throws us curve balls and those meticulous plans have to change. But it doesn’t have to be quite so bad! There are a lot of adventures to be had when we can loosen our grip on how things are “supposed” to be. In this c...

Rather than treating our limitations as problems to be solved or burdens to be borne, what might shift if we treated them with respect and appreciation? Finding our limits means finding our boundaries, and we have the option to view them as useful tools for self-care and safety (instead of cages we’re trying to break out of). If you enjoy this podcast, please consider joining my Patreon to help me...

July 2nd, 2025 marked fifteen years of continuous sobriety for me. And since I wrote about it two years ago and then recorded an episode about it last year, it seems like marking my time on this platform has become a tradition. But I don’t feel good this week! (I’m kinda sick). So, I sat down and recorded something anyway and captured what’s true for me in this moment. I set out to talk about stay...

If you struggle with a mean inner critic, then this episode is for you, buddy. Unfortunately, it won’t offer a magic solution or quick fix to ridding yourself of that inner voice, but it will help explain what the fuck is going on and offer a pathway to a life filled with greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care. In this conversation with art therapist and marriage and family therap...

If we don’t have clarity about what's most important to us, about the principles we try to live our lives by, it’s no wonder that we end up wandering around feeling a bit aimless. It’s also no wonder that we get into the same arguments over and over again. Values are at the root of most conflict, we just don’t tend to see it that way. In this blog episode, I cover some ways to clarify your values...

While it’s tremendously important for each of us to have support when things are rough, we also need support when things are awesome. And sometimes, it helps to have a model to follow! Active constructive responding (ACR) is a framework for how we can actively communicate encouragement and support. It’s a useful tool/concept to help all of us show up as better friends, lovers, and general cheerlea...

Do you gravitate toward certain colors in your life? Do you find yourself looking at the world through rose colored glasses (either literally or figuratively)? Well, it turns out that we’re all in relationship to the world of color, whether we’ve got a picture of our aura or not. In this delightful conversation with aura photographer Selena Bakakis, she walks us through the rainbow – and what the...

No matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them. Dr. Stacey Hettes knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-tra...

Consider this your “In Case of Emergency” episode, my dear. It’s ready for you the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out. If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes. We’ll take so...

How often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin. In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally g...

We all know that sleep is good for us, but it turns out that play is super good for us, too! Both are vital for healthy brain functioning – though, obviously, sleep is most important in that category. But we need both rest and play in order to live vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful lives. And we don’t have to earn them!! Rest and play are our birthrights. We are allowed to both rest AND play regardle...

We usually don't like to look at it this way, but the truth is that we’re all just making things up as we go along. Life isn’t scripted. And embracing the improv comedy concept of “yes, and” can help us move through the world with greater flexibility, less self-criticism, and an increased capacity to be truly present. This episode is all about helping us learn to tolerate ambiguity, let go of perf...

Here is my spontaneous love note to anyone struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, or the shitty fucking stories that like to get their grips on us. In particular, this is for my NeuroSpicy folks, my friends in recovery, and anyone who just feels like it's impossible to fit into the box of what "normal" is supposed to look like. Here's your pep talk, here's your empathy, here's your reminder t...