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Time's a ticking, the ice is melting in the frozen daiquiri, and the telephone just won't stop ringing. It's time to forget all that, and instead work out the exact opposite. Don't share, and certainly do not enjoy.

Have you ever been tractor fishing in the bath? Or course not, that would be daft. As would trying to figure out the opposite of those things. A pointless folly. So don't listen, don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

This week we work out the opposite of a robin, of raisins, and of shadow puppets. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Could you summon an orangutan by clicking your fingers, and then feed it Revels? We wouldn't recommend it, so instead we suggest you listen to us working out the opposite of those things. Don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

Could a squirrel live in a hedge eating just Dreamies? Who knows? Who cares? We're here to work out the opposite of those things. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Apologies for our lack of attendance recently, we've got a note from our Dad. But we're back now, working out the opposite of a Topic, the opposite of a sitcom, and the opposite of a belt. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Big Brother is watching. So hide all your cockneys, and brush your teeth. What? No, let's just work out the opposite of those three things instead. Do not share, and certainly do not enjoy.

It's a sunny day. You're idly checking your email as you sup on a cool Gin and Tonic, with a purring cat sat on your lap. But what's the opposite of all that? Don't share, don't enjoy.

Which would you rather eat on The Tube? A Lancashire Hot Pot or some French Fries? More importantly, what's the opposite of all those things? Well, that's what we're here to find out. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

You're walking down a footpath, enjoying the delectable taste of a penaut butter cup, wondering if you left the saw on at home. But what's the opposite of that? That's the question. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Can you imagine Father Brown, eating a cupckae, whilst clutching an umbrella? Now, can you imagine the opposite of that image? Well, there's no need, because that's what we're here for. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

These episode titles are starting to sound like what3words map references. Anyway, this week we work out the opposite of ham, the opposite of a well, and the opposite of a judge. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Would you eat a dinosaur chicken nugget with a screwdriver? Or a hedgehog? Both would be good for skewering them and picking them up. But, more importantly, what's the opposite of those things? Don't share. Don't enjoy.

The new year brings new things to work out the opposite of. Thus, we sink our teeth into a juicy tomato, take a trip on a submarine, and make sure to take our vitamins. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Time to slather some cranberry sauce all over our Toblerones, and sit beneath the mistletoe and wait for our kisses. Or, don't do that, just listen to two idiots work out the opposite of those things instead. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Would you rather Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer was brandishing a gun or some bamboo? Or would you rather listen to two (well, one and half) idiots work out the opposite of those three things instead? Don't share, and definitely don't enjoy.

Never, under any circumstance, scoop mayonnaise into a mail bag using the cat spoon. I mean, that's just common sense. But what's the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Park up the van, lay out a picnic, finish it off with a slice of Black Forest Gateau, and wash it all down with a nice cold glass of orange juice. Or don't. Do the opposite of all that. It's more fun. Or is it?

Wherein we discover through the art of stupidity what may well be the opposite of a butterfly, the opposite of a car showroom, and the opposite of a bucket. Don't share, and don't enjoy.

Ah look, a bee hovering over a noise daisy. But what's the opposite of that? Only one way to find out. Don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

Hang up the phone. Check for spiders. And know your onions. It's time to work out the opposite of these things. Don't share. And don't enjoy. But do vote for Iszi in this book prize please .

Time to don our baseball caps and roll the dice, then work out the opposite of a library. But first, we need to work out how to pronounce the word library. Don't share, and certainly don't enjoy.

We probably should stop recording these when we're hungry. This week, we work out the opposite of Jelly Babies, of a cat's tail, and of a 99 ice cream. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Never eat a biscuit while riding a motorbike to a salad bar. Instead, work out the opposite of those three things, and talk bollocks about them for twenty minutes. Don't share. Don't enjoy.

Bowled out for one whilst eating a Snickers. It's a terrible way to go in Cricket, but at least it tastes nice. Which is more than can be said for the opposite of all that. But what is the opposite of all that? Don't share. Don't enjoy.