Secure Marriage Podcast

Physical health. Weight gain. Dress sizes. These are very common points of insecurity and conflict for a lot of couples. Shannon and I can clearly remember a time when these issues were front and center in our relationship. In today’s episode of the Secure Mariage Podcast we’re looking at the underlying factors that make this topic so difficult to discuss between husbands and wives.

When you get really good at doing marriage, not all misunderstandings will lead to conflict. Sometimes they’re so ridiculous and absurd, the only thing you can do is laugh at yourselves. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, you’ll get to hear how a random text conversation led to some pretty hilarious moments for Shannon and I.

Did you know you can talk to your wife in such a way where you stay emotionally connected and both of you feel heard and understood even when you completely disagree about the topic you’re talking about? If this sounds nearly impossible or too good to be true then you need to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. Shannon and I break down a few of our recent conversations and sh...

Does your husband get defensive whenever you need to talk about something important? Does it feel like he shifts the blame or tries to avoid the conversation altogether? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show you how you can begin a conversation without triggering your husband’s survival brain and get him to listen and understand you better.

I didn’t want to record today’s podcast, but Shannon made me. I was in no mood to think about marriage stuff. I wasn’t in the mood to think about anything important. But she dragged me to the table, made me sit down and talk about my feelings. Honestly, I’m sorta glad she did. Even though I’m in a bad mood, I’m still responsible for treating my bride (and the rest of the family) with kindness and...

“I’m at the point in my marriage where I feel so ignored, neglected, and numb that I’m ready to start the process for divorce.” This woman posted this to a marriage forum hoping to find someone that can give her a clear path to a happy marriage. We know she’s not alone. So many couples are hurting and looking for a clear path to a better marriage, but they don’t know where to turn or h...

What was the last stupid thing you and your spouse had a fight about? For us, it was hamburgers. But like all ridiculous arguments, it’s never about hamburgers. It’s always about deeper, more important things that can either make or break your marriage. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll break down the deeper issues in our own conflict and show you how to easily and quickly g...

Your spouse just screwed up again. You’re fuming inside, feeling frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. You want to give them a piece of your mind but you know that really won’t help the situation (but MAN it sure would feel good). Learning how to regulate your emotions and respond with grace and kindness isn’t easy, but it IS possible. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’ll show yo...

When you (or pretty much any human being) become afraid, your survival brain tells you to try to get as much control over your situation as possible. It (your survival brain) believes that if you can control everything, you won’t get hurt. As you’d expect, this leads to some really awesome fights between you and your spouse. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at why w...

Resolving conflict is hard enough even on the best of days. When one person refuses to engage, lies, or deflects responsibility, it makes it even harder. In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at the options you have if you find yourself in this sticky situation.

So… it’s 2022 and your marriage isn’t where you’d like it to be. You know it can be better, but you don’t know what to do or how to get there. Shannon and I want to introduce you to our new Relationship Roadmap and show you exactly what to do so you can finally have the marriage you’ve always wanted.

If you’re like me (Paul), you learned the lesson not to inconvenience other people. That lesson got so ingrained into my psyche that it felt like I was morally wrong whenever I broke that rule. Yet, is it bad to inconvenience others? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re looking at deeply held beliefs and values that potentially end up as points of conflict within your marriage.

We understand if 2021 has been a hard year for you. So you can start 2022 with hope, Shannon and I have been working on a special project that’s designed to help you (and any couple) find a clear path out of your relationship struggles and onto the path towards having a Secure Marriage. If you’d like to be part of this unique group of men and women who are learning how to Do Marriage D...

Several years ago, in the midst of one of our fights, Shannon and I discovered a way for both of our feelings to be heard, understood, and validated, and have both of us walk away feeling loved and connected with each other. I’ve gone on to teach this tool to many of my clients, and each time they use it, they’re able to resolve their conflict in just a few minutes. In today’s episode of the Secur...

When things that are out of your control go horribly wrong and you find yourself frustrated, disappointed, and irritable, how do you respond? Kindly and patiently or with anger and impatience? How do you treat your husband or wife in this situation? In this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, Shannon and I share with you the long list of things that went wrong in our last trip and, more import...

Has the holiday season become a season connected with disappointment and bitterness? Do times of love and connection too often end up in conflict and stress? If you’d like to learn how to make the holidays special again, then you’ll want to listen to today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast where a simple Christmas tree becomes the symbol of all that’s right in a rela...

If the holidays are supposed to be times of joy and happiness, why do things too often melt down and end up in huge fights and overwhelming stress? In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we’re giving you eight tips that are guaranteed to make your holidays less stressful and more relaxed, even if you have to spend time with relatives. P.S. Here’s the free poster we mentioned on the pod...

It’s happened to all of us… You make a simple request to your husband or wife and they completely ignore you. They’ve just unintentionally (or sadly, sometimes intentionally) said, “I don’t care about you or your needs.” When this happens over and over in a relationship, it leads to a miserable marriage. Fortunately, it can be fixed IF you understand what’s going on and start to practice the simpl...

Let me just say upfront, this episode was my wife’s idea. I thought we had agreed we were going to skip this topic but NOOOOO. After recording our last podcast she hijacked the microphones and MADE me do this episode. I sincerely apologize in advance.

If you’re not familiar with the Pacific Northwest, starting in mid-October the clouds roll in and it becomes a grey, gloomy, wet, soul-sucking place for the next 8 months (I hear it’s a lot like England). For those that are solar powered—like my wife Shannon—the emotional clouds roll in as well and she starts to struggle with depression. If this sounds like you, we want you to know you’re not alon...

Having a fun, easy marriage is possible when you’ve created healthy relationship habits. But how to create good habits and remove the bad habits? We’re glad you asked, because that’s exactly what we’re talking about in today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast. We’re also are going to point you to a book we’ve recently read and started applying in our own marriage.  Enjoy P.S. Here’s the...

For those of you whose marriage is struggling right now…  We know you’ve spent months and/or years trying to make it better. You’ve read countless books, listened to podcasts, watched videos, tried couples counseling… nothing seems to help. You know deep down your marriage is not going to last but it’s hard to admit it. It’s time to start the grieving process. In this episode of the Sec...

Shannon and I really want Secure Marriage to be something that’s way super helpful to you and your marriage. That’s why we’re asking for your help and looking for ideas to take Secure Marriage to the next level.

For those that don’t know it, Shannon is an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). We learned about this almost twelve years into our marriage which means the first dozen years of our relationship were filled with an abundance of arguments and hurt feelings. If you think you might be an HSP, or married to one, you don’t want to miss this episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast.  P.S. In this episode w...

For a lot of couples, talking about money causes fear, anxiety, and panic. Sometimes, these conversations (or avoidance of them) lead to really loud fights or days of giving each other the cold shoulder.  In today’s episode of the Secure Marriage Podcast, we talk about our not-so-pretty history with this topic and how we figured out an easy way to talk about finances and actually like each ot...