Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

When you are first with a #Hijackal, you are flattered that they want you all to themselves. You're delighted that they want to be with you, and "can't get enough of you." That's the normal joy of a new relationship. Then, when you're with a toxic person, a #Hijackal, a #narcissist, there comes a moment when you find yourself isolated, alone, and marginalized. You look around and you have been sep...

Are you suffering as a result of what Dr. Gary Salyer calls "badly-formed love?" You could be. Suffering is part of it, for sure. And, so much more. Do you know what well-formed love is? Have you seen it when you were growing up, or created it as an adult? Were you comfortable with it? BIG QUESTIONS! Dr. Gary Salyer has been my guest on Save Your Sanity before, and we talked about Trauma-Bonding....

You're worn, torn, and put down. You're exhausting in every way. The #narcissist, the #Hijackal, see that as an accomplishment. Hijackals are intimidating. They expect you to comply with their wishes, wants, demands, and supposed needs. #Hijackals threaten you. They want to instill fear and make you dependent on them, all the while complaining that you are, right? It's SO important that you recogn...

There can be a razor's edge difference between a self-centered person and a narcissistic one. Does it really matter if you know when you are dealing with them? Dr. Laura Dabney offers her experience as a psychiatrist dealing with some of the most difficult cases in the field. Her insights will help you more deeply understand those differences between a generally self-centered person, and a truly n...

It's common for folks to desperately find their way to get away from a toxic relationship. Then, the doubts start, as well as the pleading and promises from a toxic spouse. You'll need these helpful insights into how to plan to leave so that you won't give in to the temptation to return. And, if you have left, what to do when you want to go running back to the abuse . Yes, you're leaving a toxic p...

Wondering why your relationship always seems a bit off? Why you cannot get the emotional intimacy you crave? The Attachment Style you adopted as a result of your early life experiences plays a big part in how you create and relate with others. Knowing your Attachment Style p rovides you with invaluable insights into how you create relationships, what you expect from them, and where your fears abou...

Try these strategies and tactics to change the dynamics in your relationship with a #Hijackal when they try to avoid responsibility or accountability, even--and especially--when they feel threatened by a potential flaw of theirs being mentioned. You know that everything will be your fault if you're with a narcissist, a Hijackal. The nasty skill of blame-shifting is a sneaky specialty. they hone ca...

An inspiring story of recovery and success after abuse in a toxic relationship! You'll be motivated by what my guest, Christie Lawler, shares. What she walked through, and went on to create is uplifting and positive. Just what you need to hear today? Probably! Christie Lawler is a successful consultant in what she calls the "eatertainment space." Very clever! She has thrived, but she walked throug...

Yes, it's important to recognize the patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors of the relentlessly difficult people I call #Hijackals®. In this episode, another important feature: what kinds of things you FEEL when you're with a Hijackal. That's so important to take note of because almost all those feelings are not good ones, right? Toxicity is poisonous! In fact, that is part of the very definition...

When you realized your divorce was going to be difficult, I'll bet you worried about your ex talking badly about you to the children, trying to win them over. Did you? Did you worry about the children being lied to about you? Did you ex tell the children s/he was the better parent, the one who gave them more, etc.? This leads to Parental Alienation. Here's part of the definition of Parental Aliena...

You are barely out of a toxic relationship, and are hoping to grab a breath and clear your head. That's the moment co-parenting calamities start, right? Then, you're free of the Hijackal, but not free of their self-serving shenanigans. OK, you need strategies to save your sanity. Listen in and grab them!  Cardinal rule: Don't Poke A Hijackal®! That will always apply, and especially when you a...

Do you know if you are actually a highly-sensitive person? That's MUCH more than easily having your feelings hurt. You will be VERY attractive to a person who wants to control you, and that's a devastating combination. My guest, Debbie Lynn Grace, is an expert who can help you understand the many ways highly-sensitive people are affected by their environment, life, and relationships. We take it fu...

Emotional abuse is sneaky. At first, it sometimes seems like a request that's a bit off, but you feel a compromise is in order. After awhile, everything is a bit off, and you're beginning to lose yourself, your confidence....and, your mind.  These 7 Ways I'm talking about today will quickly deplete you, and why you need to recognize them for the lethal robbers they are.  Trauma-bonding i...

Divorcing a Hijackal? A Narcissist? A relentlessly difficult person? You may be wondering how to find an attorney that you can afford and who will be able to withstand the nastiness of all there will be to deal with. In this episode, Jason Levoy, The Divorce Resource Guy, a former divorce attorney, shares invaluable tips for: Where to start? How to interview an attorney What you need to be ready f...

When a #Hijackal love-bombs you, it's what you've waited for, hoped for, and finally think is proving that their love is real. It's a sham. It comes from their fear of being without readily available supply to provide validation, adoration, and someone to control Awful, but true! You don't want to play this game any longer, right? You need insights and strategies to remember why you are no longer...

Many times, people fail to realize the impact of their emotional health on their physical health. They are more likely to recognize the impact of physical health on emotional health. That's often because we don't give full attention and value to our "invisible wounds." Emotional toxicity --living with abuse, childhood trauma , chronic stress and anxiety --directly affects your physical health. Yes...

Because you are good, kind, compassionate, or pleasing person, you may not realize the ways in which you are enabling a narcissist to continue behaving badly. You know that you cannot stop their behavior, but you can take positive steps to stop enabling their behavior, and take your own power back. Listen in for the how-tos!  In any ways are you too often rationalizing, justifying, or making...

Do you own your own power? If you've been worn down, torn down, or put down in a toxic relationship, that might not be how you feel right now. Make it a goal, and listen in to today to hear new insights on shifting away from limiting beliefs and untrue thoughts about yourself. My guest, Diane Forster says, "Sometimes you need to take a step back so you can shift forward. " In this episode, we expl...

Never underestimate the effect of having a narcissistic parent or partner! Resist the urge to downplay the verbal and emotional abuse. You're not supposed to be abused...by anyone!!! Today, I'm sharing some ways to r ecognize your own trauma , so you can take steps away from it...whether you leave or not.  Shahida Arabi , talking about childhood abuse and trauma , wrote in her article, What I...

Hijackals®, those relentlessly difficult, toxic people, have both a need and a want to make you always feel not good enough. Understand why and learn to respond in empowering ways, and that's a very good start!  Nothing you do, say, or are will ever be good enough...unless they want something from you. Then, they love-bomb you , and the person you fell in love with returns--for a hot minute!...

When you've been hurt, it's natural to want to get the hurt out by telling your story. There's a point, though, when that needs to be replaced by your new life story. Tonya Carter has walked through the hurt, reconstructed her story, and helps others see the value and walk through it, too. Powerful step! Author of Divorce Your Story, Tonya Carter wrote: "Once we understand that the only person we...

Divorce is difficult for children, no matter what the reasons or circumstances. When you leave a #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person, a narcissistic person, a toxic person--you have so much more to consider. #Hijackals like to keep you in court, give you as little as possible, and want to take as much as possible. You know that. So, how can you focus on the children while balancing all that...

SO annoying! You want to be in relationship with a grown-up and the petulant child keeps showing up instead. Today, I'm diving into what's behind their self-centered world views and warped emotional growth patterns. Better yet, I'll share at least 6 things you can take action on to empower yourself!  #Hijackals ®, my term for the relentlessly difficult people who hijack relationships for thei...

Ever feel too tired to even try to think your way out of a paper bag? Then, you may see thinking your way out of a toxic relationship as insurmontable on your worst days. Today, my guest, Robert MacPhee, and I will help you find the energy, courage, and skill s to step out of mental exhaustion as well as emotional exhaustion . When you can count on your improved decision-making strategies , you're...

You never feel safe. You're always wondering when you'll be the victim of something sneaky, nasty, or blatantly wrong. You can't quite put your finger on what it is, but it's impacting your health, self-esteem, self-confidence, and the lives of your children. It may well be ambient abuse. Good people--people with empathy and good hearts--are most likely to be preyed on my emotional vampire s, emot...