Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships

Why is this episode important on a show about toxic relationships? Because your doctor--and other healers--need to be empathetic, aware, interested, listening, and compassionate. Some are wonderful. Others, not so much. You need to find one that cares about all of you, not just the numbers, graphs, and medications. In your toxic relationship, have you ever been seriously ill or injured? What kind...

You may not even know you picked up all this from narcissistic family dynamics in your life. When you hear these things, you may find the key to unlocking relationship difficulties you've had in your adult life. Definitely worth listening to! We take SO much in as young children, even before we have any language skills at all! We come to know if we're wanted, loved, appreciated, welcomed, and hear...

Understanding the many faces of gaslighting helps you see it coming. Then, seeing it for what it is, you can discount it, reject and deny it. In this episode, I help you see ten faces of gaslighting that can help you recognize it for what it is: emotional abuse.  The actual definition of gaslighting I like from www.urbandictionary.com is: "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding...

You may think that you're experiencing the natural wear and tear on your health. But, if you're in a toxic relationship, it is making things so much worse! Learn about the most likely ways your body and its immune system can respond to toxic relationships with narcissistic people, or antisocial people. Talk about wear and tear!!! Two things that cause physical health issues (among many) start with...

You want to believe that a Hijackal--a toxic, difficult, perhaps narcissistic person--love you. You SO want to believe it. They don't have much love to give and here's 16 ways to recognize that they aren't giving it to you. An eye-opener!  People who love you listen to you. They want to listen to you. And, you want to listen to them. You're interested in each other. Not so with a #Hijackal. T...

Hijackals create toxic relationships, and it's important to see the patterns, traits, cycles, and behaviors clearly. That's not easy, but it is necessary.  If you've been with a Hijackal or other toxic person for long, you may feel as though you suffer from brain fog. You can't think straight and you're too exhausted to do so anyway. Gain perspective about your situation and best next st...

You hope, hope, hope that a narcissistic person will change. You buy into their promises to change. And, you cross your fingers! Change occurs for a hot minute...or even a warm week, right? And, then, nothing. What's up with that? People with narcissistic tendencies, or those diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, have a hard time listening and caring about changes you would like to see...

The small, subtle, often sneaky words, actions, and gestures that are small or brief slights, insults, insinuations, or put downs used to marginalize you are microaggressions. These behaviors are frequent and painful. But, they are small and they catch you off guard, wondering if you should speak up. Or, would it be making a mountain out of a molehill? Is that familiar? Hand in hand with microaggr...

Ever wondered how you could possibly find forgiveness for a seemingly unforgivable act? Like being raped, beaten, and left for dead? Today's guest, Lois Wagner, found it, and she shares that journey with you today. Toxic relationships include many kinds of abuse: verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical, sexual, financial, and spiritual abuse. Moving beyond the toxic relationships is the first step...

Sneaky stuff this emotional brainwashing! It often starts slowly and seems understandable. But, it continues and tips you over into second-guessing yourself and questioning your sanity, right? And, down the slippery slope! Listen in to uncover what may be happening--or has happened--to you. Great start! What's actual brainwashing? Cambridge Dictionary: "the process of making someone believe someth...

Trauma-bonding is circular . The abuser creates the trauma, and then wants you to turn to them when you're hurt and traumatized. You are traumatized by something the abuser does, and you want the abuser to feel understood and you lean in. Circular! That's why it is SO important to understand the fourteen signs of a trauma-bonded person that I talk about in this episode. You may recognized the patt...

Shame is often not spoken of, or acknowledged on both sides of an emotionally abusive relationship with anyone. Today's episode puts the spotlight on this component of emotional abuse, for both the perpetrator and the recipient. My guest, Beverly Engel, wrote in her most recent book, Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing From the Shame You Don't Deserve: "Shame is the most destructive aspect of emotio...

You think you're doing your best, giving your all, compromising, and cooperating. In a healthy relationship, that's great. In a toxic relationship, you'll be expected to over-give and more.  It's a setup for emotional abuse. Listen in to see it even more clearly!  You may hear the word "enabling" and know that it is not a good thing. That's true. Knowing what it IS so you can clearly obs...

Every now and again, everyone has an off minute, and says or does something unkind, thoughtless, or just plain hurtful. Toxic people have many traits that happen too consistently...and, too often. The difference between a person having a toxic moment, and a person who has many toxic traits is that the healthier person will acknowledge, take responsibility for, and apologize after behaving poorly....

Toxic relationships are created when a partner exploits the vulnerabilities of the other. If you have ADHD tendencies, you may easily miss red flags as you pay attention to the charms, and are intrigued by the possibilities of the fake future they paint so readily. Fear and shame also play a part you need to recognize. Hijackals have a honed sense of recognition of vulnerabilities. They are on hig...

People with narcissistic tendencies and traits want to have their way, and want you to do their bidding. If they really, really, really want something, or, if they are really, really, really afraid of losing something, they sometimes promise to change. How many promises has a narcissist--a narcissistic #Hijackal--made to you about changing behaviors? How many of those promises were kept? Right! No...

Hijackals use chemistry to manipulate and control you. They exploit it to feel they have power over you. It is a significant part of trauma-bonding. Get clear on what's really happening when you think you're in love, rather than knowing you're being used.  HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE: What lust, attraction, and attachment have to do with creating toxic relationships Why #Hijackals want to r...

Constant emotional competition is exhausting . Most people only do it in one or two small areas of life. When you have a Hijackal parent or partner, it is a daily occurrence--even minute-to-minute--in large and tiny ways. Some ways, you may not even recognize. Listen to learn ten tips to help you emotionally disengage! That's the first, and maybe most important, step! #Hijackals turn every re...

It's common for Hijackals to ruin holidays. Narcissistic folks can be counted on to do it, too. What's up with that? They'll do it for any celebration. This episode will help you understand why it happens, AND offers practical suggestions for responding to it in healthier ways. You don't want to dread the holidays, yet that often happens. You just know that things are going to be tense, at a minim...

You might give someone the benefit of the doubt too often. You may be on the receiving end of verbal abuse AND it's important to be clear about it. Verbal abuse is bullying to win. It's unacceptable. Recognize the many faces of verbal abuse now! According to USLegal.com, verbal abuse is "words used to cause harm to the person being spoken to." It's all about the intent to cause harm: verbal, emoti...

The term "narcissistic" is used too commonly now, in my opinion. When people even talk about themselves a little too much for your liking, you may label it "narcissistic." It's important to be able to tell the differences among people who are narcissistic, people who are self-centered, and those who are healthy and maybe having a bad day. Why? Because they require different responses. Both narciss...

Succeeding in spite of having toxic parents and a difficult past! We talk about that journey, and what succeeding really means. It's not about money only, but SO much more. A shaky emotional start in life doesn't define you. Don't let it! Corey Poirier, author of Book Of WHY , shares his path from life with an absent, though toxic, father to becoming the founder of bLU Talks , and being featured o...

Shame is a painful emotion caused by recognizing guilt, shortcomings or impropriety, and the basis for narcissistic, over-nurturing, and needy behaviors. SO important to recognize these to understand the dynamics and how you may be caught by the cycle of shame in toxic relationships with partners and parents.  Things happen when you're little and you don't realize what's becoming part of you....

Divorce is difficult, especially when you have children. Multiply the difficulties by tens if you're divorcing a #Hijackal, a #narcissistic person, or any other toxic person. You want to feel confident about negotiating custody and negotiating visitation. Andrea Schneider , attorney in San Diego, offers what you need to know to do your best in mediation and court. Andrea Schneider recognizes the a...

Lack of empathy in one partner creates a deficit that the other partner cannot fill...no matter how hard one tries! Learn more about the differences in functioning, and the decisions #Hijackals and other narcissistic people make about demonstrating empathy. Eye-opening!  Empathy is the ability to identify what someone is thinking or feeling, and then to be able to respond to THEIR thoughts an...