Sam's Healing Podcast

If you're in infidelity recovery, you've probably felt this: one partner is trying to avoid pain, the other is trying to get to the truth — and somehow both people end up feeling more hurt, more afraid, and more alone. The betrayed partner wants honesty, safety, and clarity. The unfaithful partner may want to tell the truth, but feels terrified that every new piece of honesty will only create more...

In today's episode, I welcome Judith Nissen back to the podcast for an honest and much-needed conversation about unfaithful women, betrayed men, and what real repair requires after betrayal. Judith shares from her work with women and, more specifically, with women who have betrayed. In this conversation, we unpack what may be happening beneath the defensiveness, shame, emotional collapse, or blame...

Today you'll meet Melissa Elguera and take part in a grounded conversation about what it actually takes for a betrayed partner to find stability and a sense of empowerment after the shock of infidelity. We'll gently unpack the chaos that follows discovery day—when sleep, appetite, and basic daily functioning can feel impossible—and begin to outline a path that is both compassionate and concrete. ...

If you're a man trying to rebuild trust after infidelity—or simply struggling to show up in your relationship the way you know you should—this might hit closer than you expect. You walk into the room. She's upset. And before she even says a word… something in you reacts. You feel it in your chest. You start overthinking. You want to fix it, calm it down, make it go away. Or maybe you shut down, ge...

If you're in infidelity recovery, you've probably felt this: the betrayed partner asks for change, the unfaithful partner tries to comply — and somehow it still feels like nothing is working. The betrayed partner wonders if their spouse is just checking a box. The unfaithful partner feels overwhelmed and like nothing they do is ever enough. Both partners end up more frustrated, more distant, and l...

What if your own healing after infidelity wasn't just about "getting over it," but about becoming medicine—for you, for your kids, and for a world full of hurting people? In today's episode, I talk about why your own healing matters, no matter what happens to your marriage. Infidelity can shatter your nervous system, your faith, your sense of self. But it can also become the soil where something d...

Today you'll meet Bill.  It's a rare and powerful look into what it means for a man to walk through hell and choose healing, truth, and self-respect on the other side of infidelity and abuse.  As a betrayed male spouse who also grew up under relentless narcissistic abuse, Bill didn't just survive infidelity and emotional devastation—he confronted it head-on and rebuilt every part of his life from...

Infidelity is often the "elephant in the room" of a relationship—everyone feels its weight, but few know how to name it, let alone heal from it. In this episode of Sam's Healing Podcast, Sam sits down with Adam Nisenson for a raw, compassionate conversation about what betrayal really does to us and how we can move from silent survival into honest, lasting recovery. Sam and Adam explore the devasta...

Feeling anything after infidelity can feel impossible.  As the unfaithful, you may believe you don't deserve feelings—or that if you let yourself feel, you'll drown in shame, grief, fear and more compounding failure.  As the betrayed, your world has exploded into rage, panic, hypervigilance, and a kind of pain that feels like it will never stop. In today's episode, I'll do my best to slow all of t...

If there's one question almost everyone asks after infidelity or betrayal it's this:  "Can I or we ever really heal from this devastation?" In todays episode, I share the one real guarantee that exists in recovery—not a gimmick or quick fix, but a way of showing up to your own healing that works whether you were betrayed or you were the one who did the betraying.  This is the same approach that he...

Today you'll meet Judith Nisenson, a certified coach and expert in dealing with unfaithful women.  She's also Adam Nisenson's wife whom many of you will also know as The Betrayal Shrink who has appeared on the podcast multiple times.   Judith Nisenson is the founder of Women'sWRK, a Certified Life Coach (ICF-ACC) and Betrayal Trauma Coach (APSATS-CPC) specializing in helping women who have betraye...

How can someone betrayed by infidelity and/or addiction ever begin to make sense of the experience? When your world is turned upside down by something as devastating and disorienting as betrayal, it's natural to wonder: How do I even process this loss? Where do I turn for answers?  How do I make sense of something so nonsensical?   In this episode, Dr. Jake Porter—renowned counselor, trauma specia...

How does the betrayed understand the heinous choices of the unfaithful?   "If my unfaithful truly cared about me, how could they make the choices they have made to be unfaithful and go outside the marriage?"   How does the betrayed work through the understanding of why the unfaithful had such a flurry of activity for their affair partners, but NOT for the betrayed spouse themselves?  How could the...

If you're a betrayed partner, you know: infidelity can feel like a death. The death of a marriage. The loss of the life you planned. The shattering of what you thought you were living. For those who haven't faced it, that comparison might sound dramatic—but for survivors, it's reality. The grief and pain after discovering infidelity or addiction can be overwhelming, and "moving on" can feel imposs...

Have you ever wondered if you or your partner was truly a sex addict?  Perhaps you're wondering if you or your partner are maybe dealing with sexual compulsivity?   What in fact is this 'sexual compulsivity?'   Today you'll meet Dr. Matthew Hedelius Psy. D., LCSW, CSAT-S who has been a regular guest on the podcast over the years and is the Director of Paradise Creek Recovery Center.   Dr. Matthew...

Today's episode of Sam's Healing Podcast features a courageous and deeply empathetic interview with Amanda Asproni as we confront the raw realities of infidelity and betrayal trauma.   Together, we examine why so many unfaithful partners desperately want those they've betrayed to show up for them—longing for their partner to absorb and manage their shame, rescue them emotionally, and shoulder resp...

On today's episode of "Moving from Not It to Got It," Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the "Not It" phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with th...

In the aftermath of betrayal trauma, many adults turn to alcohol or other substances in search of relief. It might feel like a way to escape, to quiet pain and overwhelm, or simply to get through another day. What's really happening is "numbing out"—using alcohol and drugs to suppress painful emotions, calm anxiety, and insulate from distressing memories. The urge to numb out is understandable, bu...

When infidelity or addiction has shaken a relationship, couples often turn to coaching or therapy for healing. These tools are designed to help people rebuild trust, understand pain, and create healthier patterns. At their best, they provide safety, empathy, and clarity. But when the language and frameworks of therapy or coaching are misused, they can become weapons.  Instead of supporting healing...

Why does the unfaithful cheat or act out?  What allows them to go against their moral compass and engage in an extramarital affair?  How do they justify it to themselves?   The truth may challenge what you've come to believe about some unfaithful partners.   For some it's anger and getting their needs met.  For others it can even be subconscious retaliation for the perceived rejection by their par...

Have you ever wondered what goes through the mind of an unfaithful when they are about to lose everything?  Have you considered that maybe, just maybe there are those who sober up, realize what they are about to lose and actually do recovery work?  Today you'll hear from Ryan again, a former unfaithful who shares more of his compelling journey to healing as an unfaithful spouse who finally GOT IT....

What does the betrayed do when they feel as though the unfaithful just won't do the work?  Yet, the unfaithful, seemingly showed all sorts of effort to pursue their affair partner?   What choices does the betrayed male have in understanding the heart and mind of the unfaithful woman?  Are there parallels between the unfaithful male and unfaithful female?   Today you'll hear from returning guest Ad...

Today's episode is a story that begins where most love stories unravel: with a lie. Actually… with many lies. Our guest today is a great friend of mine and was also unfaithful to his wife. But the cheating, while devastating, was only part of the story. What nearly destroyed everything wasn't just the act—it was the lies that followed. The deception. The pretending. The carefully managed version o...

Tyler Patrick LMFT returns to the podcast to discuss why we the unfaithful constantly revert to defensiveness and avoidance when trying to heal ourselves or our relationships.   Have you ever wondered why you, the unfaithful, will fire back to your partner's questions or comments with harsh defensiveness?  Can you remember a time when you WEREN'T DEFENSIVE?   What about avoidance?  Has avoidance b...

Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games.   This game is not only deep but usually ingrained within the communication style of one or both parties.  It's called "I've Got You Now...."   It's one of the most insidious games couples fall into subconsciously as they seek to heal from infidelity and bet...