Sam Was Here: Losing My Son to Addiction

In today's episode, I talk about 3 of my biggest current struggles with healing at 17 months:   The work to payoff ratio is depressingly skewed, I struggle to trust the process, and I can't seem to reconnect with  important parts of myself.. I share why I think it's important to keep pushing myself forward through these struggles and 4 ways I have found that help me. Commitment to healing after lo...

I have been an on again/off again drinker all of my life, always stopping for a while if I felt like I was starting to drink too consistently.    When Sam died, however, I was confronted with the fact that alcohol was getting in the way of me healing from my grief and I no longer cared enough to regulate my drinking. In this podcast, I explore what I know about Sam's drinking and I also get very c...

We can't control time and therefore, anniversaries, both good and bad, will come up every year for as long as we live.    In today's episode, I am going to tell you about Sam's first heroin overdose, how it changed my life and how it affects me every year.    Looking back, it feels like the day the music died for me and Sam's family. Anniversaries are powerful and some are very difficult.   We can...

Today's episode is a relaunch after a 6 month absence while I lapsed into another grief spiral.   Life doesn't stop or give pause, even during our most difficult times, even while grieving for a lost son or daughter.   I am going to briefly talk about my absence and what I learned from it. I will also be sharing my personal experience with using time to my advantage, how I have progressed, and my...

One of the greatest challenges our society faces around addiction is the stigma that surrounds it.    In this episode, I share what I consider to be four important aspects of judgment.    I start by discussing the reasons why people judge addiction.   Some are obvious, some are less obvious, and some are simply based in human behavior.   Ironically, however,  it has very little to do with addictio...

When our kids are suffering from addiction, the change in their behavior doesn't happen overnight.   But gradually, over time, little shifts begin to occur that cause us to question our own sanity.   In today's episode, I am going to tell you about some of the ways Sam's behavior confused and unsettled me, how I tried to make sense of it, and why I think its common for us parents to feel this way....

In this Episode, I will talk about this horrific pain that will never go away and 11 truths to losing a son or a daughter to addiction. I will also talk about my 3 remaining kids, how I believe they are processing their brother's death, and how I have tried and continue to try to support them during this time.    I also want to let you know who consider to be a few of my gurus during my grief, bes...

Did you change your life or make choices you normally wouldn't to accommodate a loved ones addiction?    In today's episode, I discuss some of the ways I changed and the unhealthy choices I made while trying to keep Sam alive.    I will also take about how grief can make us feel awkward in society and how we can protect ourselves by listening to our inner energy. I will discuss my own timeline of...

Today's podcast is a mini-episode in which I cover just one topic:  My thoughts on the nightmare we call our prison system and how I think it harmed my son.    It's not that Sam didn't deserve to face the consequences, it's that the consequences should not be designed to steal the human right to be respected and cared for.   I am not a licensed counselor or therapist, I am a grieving mom here to s...

When our loved ones become addicted, our relationships with them often crumble and when they lose the battle, we are left with the guilt and the grief of a broken relationship.    When we look back, we tend to oversimplify the issue and we beat ourselves up for not being able to do more.    In today's episode, I discuss the aftermath of losing Sam at a time that our relationship was severely compr...

During our deepest grief, everything in life becomes a trigger.   In today's episode, I will tell you about my friend's near death experience and how talking with him about it triggered by grief regarding Sam's death.     I will also tell you about reconnecting with my greatest passion after Sam's death and the 3 positive and unexpected benefits I have received from doing so.    I will talk about...

In today's episode, I will discuss how much Sam's addiction changed him by the end of his life.   I'll also share what I've learned about managing our expectations of others during this time, how boundaries help in doing so, and practical ones to implement in your own life, without guilt. I'll briefly share my personal experience with grief at this time, remind you of three important steps to take...

My dead son's body was found frozen in a field by a 12 year old girl.   He had been there for days.   Like many of you,  we know part of the story of his death but not everything.   This is such a traumatic part of losing our kids to addiction.   In this episode,  I will discuss what we know and don't know about the night Sam died. I will talk about our human need for a complete story, the 4 bigge...

In this first Episode, I will start by giving a brief overview of Sam's addiction as well as the immediate aftermath of his death.   I'll talk about how losing a son or daughter this way is different and why it is so important to deal with the trauma of their entire addiction and the lasting impact on you and your family, not just their death.   Third, I will catch you up on my progress after losi...

Welcome to this trailer episode of Sam Was Here.   I am here to openly and candidly discuss my son's life, addiction, death, and the impact it's had on me and my family in hopes that my story will help other parents recognize they are not alone. I will talk about the healing process of losing my son this way as well as the insight and lessons I am learning along the way and the specific steps I am...