The Irish Times

Ross O'Carroll-Kelly

Comedy EN ↓ 596 episodes

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Author

The Irish Times

Episodes

‘Your resolution was to become part of the Irish coaching staff. How did you get on?’ 30.12.2017 6:14

“It’s an amazing way of celebrating our Irishness in this period of historic centenaries,” claims Sorcha Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Oh my God, it’s Christmas – and we’ve just been told there’s no room at the Inn’ 22.12.2017 5:54

Honor goes, “What the fock are we doing in Cork anyway?” and I end up having to laugh because it’s honestly like listening to myself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Don’t forget to leave a very, very large gin and tonic out for, ahem, Rudolph!’ 15.12.2017 6:25

“Honor has never been sentimental about Christmas. Do you remember the first time we ever watched the Late Late Toy Show together as a family? And she said she wanted to smash all of the toys with a hammer just to make all the other children cry?” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Dave came back from that HR course like a soldier who’s been to war and can’t speak about it’ 08.12.2017 6:16

Dave from the office was in chorge of payroll until he did a course in human resources in the Smurfit Business School in Blackrock and returned to work six weeks later having lost his sense of smell, his sense of taste and – most tragically of all – his sense of humour. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Grandad!’ Rihanna-Brogan shouts. ‘Don’t call me that! Call me Rosser. Or Rossmeister’ 01.12.2017 5:51

Ross O’Carroll-Kelly is a grandfather and his old man is building a prison called Robbin’ Island. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘You don’t discriminate. You’re a complete pig to absolutely everyone’ 24.11.2017 5:32

“Dad,” she goes, “you are so not a sexist. You’re horrible to women and men. It’s one of the few things I actually like about you.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I have no prejudices. Except people who aren’t from Dublin’ 17.11.2017 5:34

Lauren, the new Lady Managing Director of Hook, Lyon and Sinker, thinks I have a problem taking orders from women. Which is complete horseshit, of course. I worked behind the bor at the annual Foxrock Golf Club Ladies Foursomes event for seven years in a row and took thousands of orders from women. Mostly for gin and tonics. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I know HR is an actual thing now, but to me it’s like homeopathy or dinosaurs' 10.11.2017 5:34

I walk into the office to discover that all of my most treasured possessions have been stuffed into a cordboard box, which is sitting on my desk. We’re talking my ‘That’s Leinstertainment’ travel mug. We’re talking my 13 letters of censure from the Property Services Regulatory Authority. We’re talking my signed photograph of Richie McCaw (“To Ross,” it says. “You could have been one of the all-tim...

‘A brain like tiramisu.’ ‘Multi-layered?’ ‘No, soft and full of custard’ 05.11.2017 5:57

Hennessy and the old man have bought Hook, Lyon & Sinker, but the way Hennessy’s talking, it’s not looking like yours truly is their first choice for managing director Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘I have to say my year in UCD was possibly the happiest three months of my life’ 27.10.2017 6:13

The annual Iron Stomach Contest is as much a part of UCD life as wearing your schools rugby jersey for the first 10 weeks of first year and experimenting with your sexuality by getting off with people who didn’t go to fee-paying secondary schools. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

'Believe me,’ Honor goes, ‘she’ll thank us for this in the long run’ 20.10.2017 5:46

My daughter is doing a Closet Purge for her vlog. A purge with a difference – it’s Sorcha’s closet and there’s petrol involved Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘You’re a bloody good estate agent. I’ve heard of your lack of emotion and basic humanity’ 13.10.2017 6:07

The old man asks me for my thoughts on the Budget – like it affects me somehow?“What Budget?” I go. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘If white collar crime is a crime, then why does no one ever go to jail for it?’ 06.10.2017 5:23

If you’d told me, when I was, like, 16 years old, that one day I’d end up literally working for a living, I would have asked you, well, what was the point of playing rugby in the first place? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘This is my actual Dad, Ross. He’s a kind of fat rugby has-been’ 29.09.2017 5:59

It’s like Honor’s had some kind of, I don’t know, personality transplant? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Operation Trumpsformation: On Referendum Day, The Cornival Atmosphere Turns Sour for Ross 25.09.2017 7:41

The fourth and final exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Operation Trumpsformation: Micheál Mortin Calls The Old Man's Attitude Cavalier & Irresponsible 24.09.2017 8:36

The third of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Operation Trumpsformation: Honor, The True Heir to The O'Carroll-Kelly Rugby Name 23.09.2017 12:14

The second of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Operation Trumpsformation: The Old Man's Vision for A New Ireland 22.09.2017 5:46

The first of four exclusive excerpts from 'Operation Trumpsformation', the seventeenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘There could be anything in there: a gun, €100k in cash, one of her teachers gagged’ 17.09.2017 6:01

Ross and Sorcha find something suspicious – but they’re the ones in trouble Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The old dear goes: ‘I will never forgive you for this, Ross’ 08.09.2017 6:15

Ross manages to throw the most unwanted birthday party of all tim Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘It’s the Vico Road. Do you think anyone around here cleans their own gaff?’ 01.09.2017 5:25

The HSE have paid Ross a visit, but it takes him a while to figure out why Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘It still hasn’t dawned on Sorcha that Honor is the wrong crowd’ 25.08.2017 5:57

First day in ‘actual Mount Anville’, but the last thing Honor needs is a chaperone Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘The anaesthetist is a total knockout – no pun intended’ 18.08.2017 6:07

“Now,” she goes, “when I give you the injection, I want you to count backwards from 20.”I’m like, “Twenty?” and I can hear the fear in my own voice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Public transport is for the poor and fallen’ 11.08.2017 5:39

The old dear might be ‘entitled’ to free travel, but that doesn’t mean she wants it Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘You drove to LA to hear a man from Crumlin swearing? You should have just gone to Crumlin’ 04.08.2017 6:22

Some quick thinking is required of Ross to bail Ronan out of trouble – again Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.