Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

He was destined to achieve great things, almost emperor of the East, then actual emperor of the West. With East and West unified once more and with the backing of his good friend Leo, how could Anthemius possibly lose? As long as he does nothing to annoy Ricimer, it will all be fine... Also: Jamie has a new toy! And everyone should be kind and encourage his creativeness - he has been practising al...

Severus III! The third of the Severuses. Watch as he singlehandedly rest- oh, sorry Ricimer, Didn't see you there. You want this episode to yourself? Oh, of course you can. Do you mind if we keep the title Severus III though? Just to keep things neat. Cheers. 

The west is gulping the last of the air that it can get into its lungs. Calling it an empire is now merely an insult to empires everywhere. Britain is gone, the Danube is gone, Spain is gone, Africa is gone, and Gaul... Gaul looks shaky. But what's this? One last ditch attempt to restore the might of the Roman Empire? Will it succeed? There is less than 20 years till the Fall of the West, so you c...

Avitus! A little known emperor that had a chance to turn the Roman Empire back towards the golden age... Oh, the Empire is due to end in 20 years.... He has a deadline and he needs to be fast.

Petronius had big dreams, by day he was a loyal senator, helping Valentinian keep the empire ticking over, but by night: by night he was scheming and plotting and planning and cackling. He was going to rule the empire, and when he did, he would show them all! Nothing would stop him! He was not scared of anyone or anything! Sorry? Who are coming? The Vandals... oh. oh dear. 

It takes a brave man to stand up to Attila, it takes a lucky one to survive. Find out just how brave or lucky Marcian was. Also, find out: How an eagle save Marcian's life, where Marcian was during the wars and what Marcian got up to on his honey-moon (not much).

It's all going wrong! It's all going wrong! Here is poor Valentinian, trying his hardest (well, at least his mother is) and his generals are doing nothing to stop the barbarians, they are too busy fighting amongst themselves. Britain has gone, Spain is going, Africa is going, Gaul is going, What is left? The empire is about to fall! Wait, who's this? Is that, no it can't be, is that Atilla the Hun...

It all started so well... The walls were built, the persians fought off, the grain shipments sorted, the university founded, the law code created, everything was looking so good. But who's this coming over the hill? He looks scary. And he has a simple, but chilling demand. 'Give me gold, or I will crush you and everything you love - or my name isn't Atilla the Hun'.  Oh dear...

The empire is a mess, a useless excuse for an emperor sits on the throne, Rome has been sacked, the barbarians are flooding in. It's time for someone to step up and take command. That's what Constantine III did, with results that perhaps seem more funny today than they did for Constantine at the time. But now it's Constantius III's turn. Will he share the same fate as Constantine III? well, probab...

Some poeple will be remembered for taking a chance, for seizing the day, for grasping the nettle, for being the one person at the time ready to stand up and say: 'This is my time damnit, and I will make it!'. However, unfortunatly, to be remembered for saying those things, you then need to actually follow them through. With Contantine III chances were indeed taken, but was a nettle grasped? Was a...

Widely regarded as one of the worst emperors in history. But why? What did he do that was so bad? And was it him, or his advisor Stilicho, or Olypius, or Jovius or Constantius? Or any of the others that were actually running things? Who knows? All Honorius knows is that he likes it in Ravenna with it's nice tall walls and deep swamps and hopfully the rest of the world will sort its self out. Best...

Arcadius, our second puppet emperor. Judge him against most, then he won't do well, but how does he compare to Valentinian II? Is he as useless? Does he have any redeeming features?  But let's be honest. No one is going to remember this as the Arcadius episode. This will always be the episode where Rob tells Jamie, in detail, how the Romans created their Eunuchs. Never before has a recording sessi...

East and West are splitting, political, cultural and religious differences are forcing this divide. But one man has the honour of being The Last Man To Rule The Undivided Empire. And he is know as The Great! what can possibly go wrong here? So, pull up a chair and listen as we find out just how great he is. does he rid the empire of the Goths? does he settle all the religious disputes? Oh, and che...

It's tough being 4 years old. Everything is too big, you have to eat your greens, you are getting to grips with this toilet business, and your mother and the most powerful bishop in the west of the empire are playing tug-of-war with your existence. Oh, and a scary man with a cool name, who already killed your brother, is coming to kill you also.  It took Little Val several years before he attempte...

The Nameth Maketh the Maneth. Or at least so though Magnus' parents, who clearly thought that calling their dear child the 'Greatest Great' who ensure great things. And, to be fair, he became an Roman emperor. But does he live up to the name? Why does he hate heretics? And why does he need to please the Bishop Ambrose, despite the fact that he hates the man? Find out in this week's Totalus Rankium...

Gratian has some big sandals to fill. His father was a Je Na Caesar winner with a score comfortably in the top ten. Knowing this when he took the purple, he knew he would have to impress. But then his uncle messed everything up. Goths are running amuck, Huns are on their way and the Allimanni are still playing up. Will he sort it out? or will he pass the buck at the first opportunity? Oh, and who...

Valens never expected to be emperor, but now he was, damn it, he was going to do it well! He was going East. He was going to show that Sharpur a - sorry? what's that? Usurpers you say? and Goths? Oh. ok, He'll sort them out first, but then, then he will sort out the East. As soon as he's sorted out the Goths. Where are they? Adrianople? How hard can this be? 

The Constantinians are dead! It is time for a brave new start, it's time for the one and only Valentian to step forward! Who, you ask? You remeber him, he is the son of the trator who was responsble for Jovian's father-in-law's death. No? He ran away from the barbarians under Babatio. That's the one! Let's see how he does... is he strong eough to found a dynasty, to put down two reolts and countle...

Let's face it: Jovian got a bum deal. No other Roman emperor in history started off in such dire circumstances. He is deep in enemy territory, surrounded by a superior force, he has no food, no water, few horses - which are refusing to stay inflated. His men are starting to look at each other as if they are wondering just how tasty Ryanus is. The bridge can't be built, the Persians are calling the...

  Julian is one of the most beloved of the latter emperors by historians, but why? Find out what he did in Gual, how he misspelt ‘send’ as ‘burn’, what caused him to revolt, why did the people of Antioch hated his beard, and how he dealt with Shapur II.   Does he live up to the hype? find out in this week’s Totalus Rankium!

The third and middle brother of the Brothers Constantine. Constanius II had a lot on his plate: The Persians, the Sarmatians, the Alimanni, Magnetius, Vitranio, Gallus, Silianus, Julius… Still, all he needs to do is keep a level head and not go all purgey. There is nothing so bad that a few cunningly plotted schemes can’t sort out. Now, time to choose a Caesar, there must be at least one member of...

It’s always hard being the little brother, your big brothers never seem to respect you. Not until a sharply worded note, threatening to kill them and all they hold dear, forces a smidgen of respect out of them. Constans has a divided empire and angry bishops to deal with. Could he be the son to live up to the father? Find out this week!   Also: a very very Roman (honest) quiz at the end!

It is said that it is the hardest thing in the world to be a Great Man's son. Well, Constantine II managed to prove that in his mostly useless life... To be fair, he had a rough start in life, holding the towl while your father drowns your mother in front of your eyes has to have an effect on a young man. However, maybe he has hideen depths that we can find!    Also, find out about the young Athan...

Perhaps more than any other emperor, a myth has arisen around the emperor Constantine. He was the emperor who turned the empire christian! He built Constantinople! He created an empire that lasted 1000 years! He had a magic standard! But did he? Join us as we look into Constantine the Great: find out what his favourite type of tent was! His favourite method of crossing swamps and why the first Chr...

We are down to the final two! Who will come out on top? The young but ambitious Constantine or the more experienced Licinius? Well, it’s Licinius first, so you can probably guess… but exactly how did Licinius fail? was it a brave last stand, refusing to bow down to superior numbers? Or did he slowly become humiliated after being beaten over and over resulting in him running away what seems every o...