Roleplay Retcon

Hey, we're featuring a few episodes of Tales from the Cryptid on Roleplay Retcon's feed, hosted by investigative journalist Gaston Leroux (who sounds a lot like Jensie, haha what a kooky coincidence). Leroux has proof of what happened at the Opera Garnier in Paris in 1992, and the real story is wilder than anything you think you know about it. Guest starring Remick! Check out her games and her act...

Phantom of the Opera will be back next episode, but for now let's make a Holiday special! You know, the ones that flood TV this time of year and are all about Santa and reindeer and dentists and such. For ours, we'll be playing Alex Roberts' And to All a Good Night, an adaptation of her storytelling game For the Queen that helps us process our weird feelings about Santa Claus. | Intro and outro mu...

Frankly, there hasn't been a good film adaptation Gaston Leroux's early 20th century novel Le Fantôme de l'Opéra, a.k.a. The Phantom of the Opera. Andrew Lloyd Weber's musical is good, but it's also a far walk from the original book, which is an absolute banger and hilarious to boot (and the 2004 Joel Schumacher movie was panned by both critics and Phantom fans alike). So, Jensie has decided we're...

There's something wrong with Abraham Lincoln, and the toys must rally the rest of their army to liberate the charging station before they power down forever. They're hoping to do so without plastic-shed, but this is war, after all... Guest starring Jess Geyer from Wannabe Games! And we're playing their game, Some Assembly Required! Soundtrack by Jonathan Coulton! | Sound effects by freesound.org |...

Jess from Wannabe Games made a one-page RPG for us to remake the 1998 film Small Soldiers with*! Deitysaurus Flex, My Little Kitty, and Serpentina (a.k.a. Battle Princess Gorgana) are a new kind of "smart toy" that can "play back." But when the kids got to bed and it's time for them to get to their recharging and repair station, they find one of the toys has seized control of the vital resource an...

We made 100 episodes of Roleplay Retcon! Whoa! To celebrate, we performed a live Retcon in our Discord server of Disney's The Country Bears, a doomed attempt to repeat the success of Pirates of the Caribbean by making another movie based on a Disney park attraction. We play Honey Heist by Grant Howitt and attempt to form the greatest (non-human) country music band of all time.  Cover of "Wildfire"...

Take a seat next to the fire in our 12,000-square-foot drawing room. Gold-plated cigar? Kobe brandy? There, now that you're settled, let's talk honestly about Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets and how Roleplay Retcon's version stacks up against it. We'll while away the evening with some fan-casting, some audience submissions for how they would have turned a movie dud to movie stud, and a...

The mystery of Planet Tennessee and the Astrazoans is solved. All that's left is to survive to tell the story. Valerian gets a promotion. Laureline loud quits. Bubble gets the point. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound effects by freesound.org | Come talk about it in our Discord! | Look at our Patreon! Look at it! | Produc...

Bob gets all "Transylvanian villager" on us and will only take the trio near the mysterious Sector L-630-E, where none dare tread. Valerian uses the boost to get through. Bubble introduces herself. Laureline is French, in case you didn't know. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound effects by freesound.org | Come talk about i...

The hunt is on for the cortex jellyfish, a mysterious creature that can pinpoint the location of Dolly with Bubble's memories. To find it, they'll need the help of Bob, the seasoned and spicy submarine captain. Valerian drives/pilots/swims...? a new vehicle. Laureline has a fan. Bubble takes a ride into her sub-conscious (get it?). Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrac...

The trio dash after Mao's captors, hoping their messy business with Igon hasn't put them too far behind. Valerian makes a jaw-dropping discovery that changes the entire investigation. Laureline becomes an art broker instead of an art breaker. Bubble wastes away in Planet Margaritaville. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound...

Igon Siruss has returned for Bubble, but Valerian and Laureline are on the clock and won't let him have his way. Valerian masters his blaster. Laureline makes it raaaaiiiin, baby. Bubble turns to love in a hopeless place. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound effects by freesound.org | Come talk about it in our Discord! | Lo...

The investigation continues into Point Central's red light district. Nobody asked what a red light district would be like on an alien space colony, but we answered the question extensively. Bubble aces a job interview. Laureline catches the red eye. Valerian is sorry, you seem nice, but he kindof hates your face. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series f...

An attack on the Council of Many sends the squad on a new investigation. Bubble gets slimed. Valerian wears an entirely new kind of pants. Laureline gives the greatest speech never heard. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound effects by freesound.org | Come talk about it in our Discord! | Look at our Patreon! Look at it! | P...

We burn our first "All Words are Made Up" charge! Only two left! Valerian gets a little upsetty spaghetti. Laureline studies vexillology. Bubble plays it safe.  Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty | Sound effects by freesound.org | Come talk about it in our Discord! | Look at our Patreon! Look at it! | Produced by Two Fish in a Ju...

The crew can finally take a moment to mourn their merchandise and vape in the ionization room. But, the break is short, because Valerian and Laureline's boss, Representative Mau, is on the horn and she wants tough answers to hard questions. Bubble hears a sad story. Laureline lies. Valerian technically doesn't tell any lies. Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for t...

Weapons aren't much use against Igon's terrible and wily pet Caypins, So the trio must turn to Big Market itself for solutions. Valerian is suspicious of Bubble. Laureline perceives everything, everywhere, all the time. Bubble takes more than just a penny.  Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty! | Sound effects by freesound.org. Com...

The black market auction transforms from a bidding war to more of a literal war. Valerian shoots an Earth culture enthusiast. Laureline aims for precious alien jewels. Bubble turns the table.  Bubble is played by special guest Jeanette Blasius | The soundtrack for this series features Ben Prunty! | Sound effects by freesound.org. Come talk about it in our Discord! | Look at our Patreon! Look at it...

In the first episode of our remake of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, the eponymous Valerian and his partner/buddy/something more??? Laureline go to the transdimensional desert-sized shopping mall Big Market to find the fabled Mul Converter, a creature that can replicate whatever it eats a thousand-fold. Valerian has a gift for wetwork and Laureline has all the nuts and bolts covered,...

We're finally remaking the movie that inspired Roleplay Retcon: The 2017 Luc Besson film Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, intended to be the spiritual successor to The Fifth Element that crash-landed so, so short. In this episode, you'll hear why we think this movie is ripe for remake and get a crash course in Starfinder, the RPG that will power our version of the movie! Our guest star...

Chuck Fuster has the device he needs to save Nil, but Danica Flareng is growing attached to Earth and will do what it takes to stop their colleague. Also in this episode: A fun, all-new way to eat pretzels! We're playing Everyone is John by Michael "Epoch" Sullivan! | This episode features music by Mateja Jezdić! | Sound effects from freesound.org. Come talk about it in our Discord! | Look at our...

We're remaking the 2008 Eddie Murphy vehicle (literally), Meet Dave! Chuck Fuster and Danica Flareng, two tiny space aliens from the planet Nil, compete for control of the giant (to them) spaceship "Dave," which looks like an Earthling... as long as it's piloted right. | We're playing Everyone is John by Michael "Epoch" Sullivan! | This episode features music by Mateja Jezdić! | Come talk about it...

This after party is no shafter farty (sorry)! We talk about how we (and you!) think our version of Pixels compares to the original, what we'd do differently the second time around, and some casting for our major characters! Our guest star for this series is Kyle Taylor, from "Shenanigoons" and the Nerdsmith Network! | Thanks to Miranda Rose Thorvaldson for playing Gena! | The game we're using for...

ANA's system is falling apart. What awaits the trio inside TechTite? Kris Makes some Mischief. Frank's email gets hacked. Hank finds home. Our guest star for this series is Kyle Taylor, from "Shenanigoons" and the Nerdsmith Network! | Thanks to Miranda Rose Thorvaldson for playing Gena! | The game we're using for this series is Save Game, by Rob Wieland! | The soundtrack for this series is provide...

The trio zaps and zooms their way through not one, but TWO battle royales, one on foot and one on wheels! Kris gets a new mission from a surprising source, Frank tells a robot an uncomfortable truth, and Hank finds a horse of a different color. Our guest star for this series is Kyle Taylor, from "Shenanigoons" and the Nerdsmith Network! | Thanks to Miranda Rose Thorvaldson for playing Gina! | The...