Roast Mortem Cast

You think you know who Albert Einstein is, but actually he was a stinky, egg-sucking soup boy that liked to pound his cousin.

Roast Mortem takes an inside look into Zion City, IL. ALL MUST OBEY THE OVERSEER! Overseer Wilbur Glenn Voliva has deemed dancing, whistling, bathing suits and of course modern medicine punishable by his praetorian police. Oh end lets not forget THE EARTH IS FLAT.

You are cordially invited to the Roast Mortem's Master Class: Cooks. We will be entering the kitchen of three culinary legends to study their unconventional techinques, recipes and ingredients. Typhoid Mary and her Gals know the best meals are prepared with a little extra 'love'.

Chris Paskett joins us as we roast Tarrare, the walking trash monster that could easily put any modern competitive eater to shame. Triple Quarter-Pounder? Try a wheelbarrow of bull viscera.

From call girl to queen of the high seas, Ching Shih became the most powerful pirate in the Pacific. While she was a brilliant strategist, some might call her a tad harsh to her crew. Where's your head at?

What's your favorite food at a family BBQ? Human haggis with a side of inbreeding, maybe? Emily Saltman presents a disturbing look into Sawney Bean and his family of cave-dwelling cannibals.

When it comes to revolutionaries William Lyon Mackenzie is straight up the Charlie Brown of the bunch. The first mayor of Toronto had great intentions but failed at almost everything he ever did. We are talking Canadian independence here... There's a reason the queen is still on their bills. To get some inside insight, Travis captures two living Canadians in his poutine trap to discuss life in the...

Melanie Moat joins us as we roast 'beat poet' Allen Ginsberg. Have you ever read his poem 'Howl'? You know, the book your professor made you read that barely made sense and had the writing structure of a 2nd grader? The truth is Ginsberg openly touched 2nd grader dong for pleasure... Actually, that may have been his inspiration. Did your professor tell you that?

If Isaac Newton was such a smart boy then why did he think The Secret World of Alex Mack was a documentary? That's right, we're roasting the dude that figured out things fall down, dog!

Gabriella Ferreira joins us as we roast Coco Chanel. The queen of couture has a very dark secret. Here's a hint... it invovles the Nazis, Winston Churchill and a lot of erections. Her 'little black dress' wasn't just sexy af, it was covert.

Hank Williams, the grandaddy of country music, knew how to sing, play guitar... but boy did he know how to drink. You don't know trailerpark trash until you've heard this man yodel!

We break down the myths and legends behind one of the most notorious gunslingers in the Wild West, Wyatt Earp. And what we find out... is he's an extra-soft ice cream boy. There's something fishy at the O.K. Corral and it's not one of Wyatt's numerous prostitutes.

Will Smith from Artificial Brain joins us as we roast history's drunkest aristocrat, John Mytton. This 19th century English noble makes even the craziest rockstars look like precious schoolboys! Who were his drinking buddies? A menagerie of freaking wild animals!

He was good with an ax, terrible with an axe and horrendous with his ex. Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead, much like the self-serving generation he helped shape, always put himself first. His heroin-fueled pursuit of good vibes did not change the world, it simply made hacky sacks more popular… man.

Archimedes was one of ancient history's most brilliant minds... when he wasn't screaming around town naked screaming 'Eureka!' Join us as we discuss his war machines, mathimatical theories and why he enjoys flopping it out in public.

We step inside the castle of history's most infamous murderess, Elizabeth Báthory, and what we found... was a pile of coupons to Blood, Bath & Beyond.

We're roasting the OG cynic and overall trash monster, Diogenes. When he wasn't rubbing one out on the streets, you could find him surrounded by a pack of mangy dogs flailing poultry in the face of his rival philosophers.

Come one! Come all! Feast your eyes on people with disabilities and captive animals. We're roasting P.T. Barnum, America's greatest promoter and king of the big top!

The enemy is closing, your wife is plotting against you and having orgies that you're not invited to; What do you do? If you're King John VI, you pull out some old pocket chicken, ditch your capital and ask your manservant for a hand jibber.

We take our first stab at Asian nobility as we roast Korea's Crown Prince Sado. If you thought Charles II of Spain was crazy, this whinny little idiot has a taste for blood! Thankfully justice was served in the most brutal death on RMC to date.

I can see your future. You're standing there with your headphones on and a one way ticket to Browne Town in your hand. I can hear you laughing! You're laughing at our roast of Sylvia Browne, the resident psychic of The Montel Williams Show. Now you're talking a dump... My psychic abilities are fading.

John Alicastro of CFO$ joins us as we roast Russia's first president. Ever seen one of those 'Only in Russia' videos? Usually involves lethal amount of vodka and acts of daring stupidity. Well, that sums up Boris Yeltsin.

We're roasting America's most talented,flamboyant pianist Liberace. His showmanship and charisma was unrivaled, but his vanity got the best of him. Oh yeah, and he would surgically make his lovers look like him... Creep!

This businessman left his big brown skid mark on the video game industry in the 70s & 80s. His iron fist, cut-throat management of Commodore and Atari gave him Darth Vader like status amongst programmers & gamers alike. Big old diarrhea boy!

Emily Saltman joins us as we roast 16th century Italian painter, Caravaggio. Not only did he love to paint, he also loved boozing, brawling and banging courtesans. A master with the brush and a master in the sheets... if he paid for it... So, probably not really.