Roast Mortem Cast

EPISODE 69! Ram that uncooked hot dog down your throat or lop up that oyster in a half shell, cause we're roasting sexual boy Hugh Hefner! The disturbing details we find out about the Playboy Mansion, is guarenteed to get any Bunny dry as sandpaper.

The original New York City fat cat. He worked over the political system to swindled over poor immigrants so he could suck down dump trucks of oysters. He was a big boy with a big attitude and was definitely in the Phantom Menace.

With over 500 affairs and a daily consumption of 2 liters of bourbon, 150 cigarettes, an 8-ball of coke, weed and codeine, Tallulah Bankhead knew how to party. As queen of the 1920's flapper movement, every night was a yakked up orgy with a 2pm curtain call. But when you're constantly messed up. You constantly mess up.

Everyone knows that L. Ron Hubbard started the world biggest scam, Scientology. But in his free time he enjoyed blindly crashing ship, a little bit of satanic sex magic and writing really bad science fiction which he used in the mythos of his 'religion'.

If you thought Sabbatai was wild, Jacob Frank doubles down his messianic attempt at an unkosher savior. We're talking orgies, incest, murder... the list goes on. Frank even helped found the father of all secret societies, the Illuminati. We confirmed it!

This 17th century attention-seeking goth convinced half of the Jewish population that he was the messiah by eating a bacon, egg & cheese. Come join the party and get ready for the rapture!

Let us paint you a picture of a shirtless, hairy Pablo Picasso mashing his sloppy paint brush into whomever came his way. Riding of the bulls, try riding of the doormats.

When Nikola Tesla wasn't conducting mad scientist electrical experiment, he enjoyed the tender moments with is one true love... a super sexual pigeon. That's right Elon Musk, Tesla was a furry!

William Walker was a scrawny, entitled, doughy-eyed Southern racist that could not stop illegally invading Central America during the 19th century. Seeing that he was terrified of women, this was not your tequila fueled spring break like off of a 90s reality TV show. The only show he got was the dongs of his soldiers, as their pants rotted away on his death marches through the deserts and jungles...

When you think of the Crusades, do you think of knights in shining armor? Try goose following idiots with purple Truck Nutz on tied to their horses! We take a look at Thomas de Marle, the 11th century moron that just couldn't stop pillaging. Thought chivalry was dead?!? You don't know the first thing about it.

Beat legend Jack Kerouac joins the ranks of the Goof Troupe. His life and works are hailed as god-like by trust fund hipsters, free spirits that never out grew their teenage angst and men with grownie tails looking for an excuse to divorce their 3rd wive. We're stripping away all the bull and diving into the real Kerouac; his hypocritical conservative views, his mother-loving alcoholism and his ac...

It's that time of year! The 2018 Roast Mortem Countdown is upon us. We're counting down the 10 ten dead idiots that died on the 18th year of their centuries. So suck some eggnog, get spicy and deck your balls with some premium roasting!

What do CIA funded death squads, Yale cheerleading and oily Kuwaiti handjobs have in common? Why, President George HW Bush, of course! This is our anti-eulogy to the war criminal with the craaaaazy, waaaacky socks you've been hearing about.

Tired of rainy 19th century Scotland? Come to the South American Paradise of Poyias! We DEFINITELY have an Opera house, streets paved with gold... Hell we might even have running water! All you have to do is give all your money to Gregor MacGregor and jump on that boat.

Seen the documentary Jurassic Park? Think you know dinosaurs? Well, Edward Drink Cope sure doesn't... Even though he discovered a whole bunch of 'em. This dangus started a Bone War that shook the field of paleontology for centuries.

Hey Ridley Scott! Think your Gladiator movie was so cool... Well Roast Mortem tells it better. You left out the parts where people drink out of penis cups like they are at a shitty Roman Dick's Last Resort.

We learn what it means to be a gypsy jazz guitar legend... Be extra French, smoke a billion cigarettes, blow off shows to go drunk fishing, and permanently screw up your meat claws in a caravan fire. Worked for Django Reinhardt.

You might know him as the 20 Dollar Bill Boy but in his time he was simply known as President Andrew Jackson. When he wasn't physically stealing other peoples wives, this wacky waving inflatable man was flexing America's Manifest Destiny boner, by systematically destroying native culture and spreading slavery. As his pet parrot would scream during his funeral 'ASSHOLE!'

We take a look behind the scenes at three of the most iconic Hollywood Universal Monsters, Lon Chaney Jr, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff. We'll they weren't the monsters.. actually they kind of were. Frankenstein, Dracula and the Wolf Man all in one room with only one cookie. Who will finish last?!

Witches Gone Wild! Matthew Hopkins, self-proclaimed Witch-Finder General, is about to turn your small English village into the hottest satanic spring break ever! The girls are up all night (against their will), ready to show off their hard extra nipples, and getting wet from hours of being dunked underwater for a confession of witchcraft! Yeah... Hopkins is that kind of zealot monster.

Witchcraft! Clairvoyance! Shoving cheese cloth up your vagina! We're taking an 'in-depth' look at Britain's last witch, Hellish Nell and her stinky, slimy ectoplasmic discharge.

Baseball legend Ty Cobb played a dirty game on and off the diamond. His hobbies included…pistol whipping men to death, picking fights with amputees and digging out viscera from between his cleats. His level of violence really knocked it out of the park.

The father of evolution, Charles Darwin, spent his lifetime laboriously ogling the boobies of the Galapagos and rigorously examining the huge dongs of the promiscuous barnacles.

Martin Luther was the founder of the Protestant Reformation, but between changing minds about the relationship between god and his followers... he was a hemorrhoid-scratching, foul-mouthed hypocrite who’s anti-Semitic fervor would eventually be the foundation of the Holocaust.

Janis Joplin is remembered as the free-loving spirit of the 60s... but in reality, she was a freeloading, needy addict that was always 'too good' for the talented people that surrounded her. If she was so hip and in touch with her generation, why couldn't she write her own lyrics?