Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

A parent writes that her 5-year-old is constantly asking, “Did I do a good job?” and seeking her parents’ validation. This mom acknowledges that her daughter’s world was rocked when her sister was born almost two years ago, and they’ve been working at supporting her to process her feelings in that regard. Now, she says, although her daughter has “let go a lot of her anger... I can’t help but wonde...

The parent of a 5-year-old girl and 2.5-year-old boy describes their play as generally creative and happy, but she sometimes observes what she believes is “manipulative behavior and unkind talk during disagreements.” This mother is wondering if it’s appropriate to intervene and correct what she perceives as unhealthy behavior, or whether it’s just part of their personal and social development. For...

Janet responds to an email from a parent whose 6-year-old boy has been hitting and pinching his younger sister and others, and she’s alarmed because he shows no remorse for his behavior. She says that she has tried to get her boy to talk about his feelings, but “he just shuts down and won’t talk to me.” She’s wondering how she might foster empathy in her son as well as encourage him to share his f...

Janet responds to a question from a parent on her Facebook page whose 3-year-old is exhibiting what she describes as excessive emotional outbursts. “I’m trying to reassure myself that this is normal,” she writes. “It’s like we have to constantly walk on eggshells… I’d love some reassurance and guidance.” For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on aud...

Janet responds to an email from a mom whose 3-year-old has a physical disorder. “Among other issues, he is very clumsy and often stumbles, trips, and falls.” Since this is going to be an ongoing issue for her son, and he’s just becoming aware of it, this mom is looking for ways to be supportive now and in the future. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling...

Janet responds to an email from a stay-at-home parent who feels his efforts to establish and maintain boundaries during the day are undercut when his spouse returns home from work. He believes the daily struggles he has with their daughter “are partly or greatly exacerbated by my wife’s interactions with her…. I’m drained as a parent and feeling resentful towards my spouse for letting a stubborn 3...

A parent writes that she’s struggling with her 5-year-old’s demands to play with her. This mom says that although she understands the theory of Janet’s parenting approach, she has difficulty putting it into practice in the moment, and she finds herself getting frustrated and being unkind. “She irritates me, and I feel absolutely terrible for admitting that!” For more advice on common parenting iss...

A parent writes that her 18-month-old “has been testing the limits with tantrums.” At home, this mom and her husband try to ignore the behavior or redirect. In public, however, they tend to give in to their daughter’s demands. She writes, “I’d hate for her to learn she gets her way by throwing fits.” For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's books on audio at Audible (ht...

A parent describes her 6-year-old daughter as a perfectionist with no patience and a serious discomfort with feelings of failure. She says that all her well-intentioned efforts to calm, comfort, and coach only make things worse, so she wonders if Janet knows how she might help her daughter “face problems confidently on her own and foster a love of process.” For more advice on common parenting issu...

A parent writes that her 2-year-old is deep in a "want to do it myself" phase. While she recognizes her son’s need for autonomy and self-sufficiency, she admits that she often runs out of patience, which results in him having a full-blown meltdown or tantrum. She’s wondering how she might “set limits so it doesn’t take forever to do things but also respect his need for independence.” For more advi...

Janet continues her conversation with Laura Grace Weldon, author of “Free Range Learning,” about how parents can facilitate their children’s natural instincts to discover and learn in a conventional school system. Laura and Janet share their personal experiences as parents and discuss what they’ve learned while parenting their own children through a variety of school choices. For more advice on co...

A parent writes that her 3-year old has been having difficulties in play school -- hitting other kids, screaming, and not listening to the teacher. The behavior sometimes continues at home, and this mom admits she “can’t manage to stay calm every time, so sometimes I yell too.” Her primary concern is that her boy won’t be accepted in playschool, and she’s looking for some advice how to address his...

Janet is joined by Susan Stiffelman in a lively conversation about setting limits, tantrums, what your children want versus what they need, emotional resilience, having compassion for yourself, and the positive effects your confident leadership has on children as they become teens and young adults. Susan is a best-selling parenting author (“Parenting with Presence,” “Parenting without Power Strugg...

Janet speaks with pioneering homeschool practitioner and advocate Laura Grace Weldon, author of the best-selling book Free Range Learning – How Homeschooling Changes Everything. Laura’s experiences capture the essence of how children learn best and gain competence, self-confidence, maturity, and wisdom. She and Janet find common ground in their respect for the natural learning process of every chi...

Janet answers an email from a parent whose 3-year-old is having difficulty with transitions, especially getting dressed in the morning for pre-school. She’s tried several different approaches, but without success, and every morning ends in a struggle. She writes: “I feel like we are stuck in this weekday morning drama and don’t know what to do differently. Please help!” For more advice on common i...

A parent who describes her 3-year-old as “bright and spirited… a sweet girl” has noticed lately in certain social situations that her daughter will flatly reject friendly overtures from peers. This makes the parent very uncomfortable, but she isn’t sure how or if to intervene. She writes, “I am so torn between accepting and trusting her and wanting to teach her to be nice to others.” For more advi...

A parent has noticed positive results from limiting her daughter’s TV time, and now she wants to remove all screens from her daily routine. “I’d really love some advice on how to go about this,” she writes, “and what to say when explaining why this change is happening.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible. Also available f...

Janet answers a question from a parent whose toddler resorts to hurting himself when he’s angry or frustrated, and she’s wondering if there are some “better options” to teach him when he’s expressing his emotions. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible. Also available for download, her audio series "Sessions" -- recorded cons...

Janet answers an email from a parent who feels her 16-month-old is more emotional and defiant with her than other caregivers. She cites diaper changes as a particularly stressful example of his acting out and wonders, “Is this a sign that I am doing something wrong, or that I am a safe person to share emotions with?” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet...

A mother wonders when and how to react to her baby’s sounds of frustration, whether she should intervene in her child’s self-directed play sessions or observe from a distance. “I don’t want to be her savior,” she writes, “but I don’t want her to feel unsupported either.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (adbl.co/2OBVztZ...

A mother writes that her child has started saying, “You’re not the boss of me!” when asked to help around the house. While both parents want their kids to feel that they are their own people, “at the end of the day, we do say what goes.” This mom is wondering how she can best respond. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (a...

A parent says she feels helpless because her 2-year-old has been hitting other kids. She says her son loves people and enjoys playing with others, but parents are now keeping their kids away from him. She has tried several approaches, but nothing has worked, so she’s looking to Janet for some fresh advice. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at...

After reading Janet’s book, a mom is excited about the changes she’s made in her approach to setting limits and accepting her toddler’s emotions, but she’s concerned that her husband is not open to adjusting his parenting practices. She is hesitant to discuss it with him but wants “the harmony I feel to resonate through the three of us as a family.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenti...

Janet responds to an email from a parent who describes herself as exhausted by her formerly good-natured toddler who has suddenly become defiant, argumentative, and combative since turning 4. She says, ”I feel like a switch has flipped… and am clueless how to deal with this new person.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible...

Janet responds to the step-parent of a three-and-a-half-year-old, who is concerned because the child's life is split between two households. She feels the situation “creates a very confusing climate for the child, who is already in an overwhelming development stage." The advice Janet offers applies to any situation where children need to transition to new schedules or different types of care, i.e....