Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Janet responds to a pregnant mom in her first trimester trying to parent her active young son while suffering from nausea, headaches, and exhaustion. She writes that she often feels unmercifully tired, and she struggles “to offer the calm, respectful care I ought to provide.” She’s hoping Janet has suggestions how to parent with patience and respect even when she’s feeling exhausted. For more advi...

Janet responds to a mom who says her 2-year-old has an extreme case of “parental favoritism.” When she’s not home, father and daughter enjoy a wonderful relationship. But if she’s nearby, her daughter “refuses to allow my husband to help, comfort, even exist.” She writes: “We are completely befuddled, and as you can imagine, my husband is just crushed.” They’re both wondering why their daughter be...

Janet responds to the parent of a toddler who says her son “cries, whines, and screams for everything he wants or needs.” She’s not sure how to respond. Sometimes she tries to calm him down, which tends to makes things worse, and sometimes she just gives in. She wants to set boundaries but doesn’t know how to do it in a way that he will understand without setting off a tantrum. This mom feels she’...

Janet offers solutions for handling the disconnect parents sometimes feel with friends, relatives or caregivers who aren’t familiar with their respectful parenting philosophy. How can we communicate our respectful care practices and advocate for our children while avoiding awkward social exchanges, misunderstandings or hurt feelings? For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Jan...

Janet responds to an email from a parent who feels her son is constantly competing to be “first, better, stronger.” She suspects that sometimes his hyper-competitiveness may hurt his friends’ feelings, and it makes her uncomfortable when she notices the reactions of parents and other kids. “I’m really struggling with how to respond to these situations,” she says. “I don’t want my child making othe...

Janet responds to a parent who says she tries to create safe spaces for her 7-month-old to explore, but she spends a lot of time at her parents’ house and feels they’re always on edge, telling her daughter “no.” This mom wants to avoid “creating issues or desensitizing her to the word” and is hoping Janet has suggestions how to encourage her daughter’s curiosity while keeping her safe. For more ad...

Janet responds to an e-mail from a parent who says her 4-year-old has lately become very demanding for attention. “She won’t let us talk with friends, family, or over the phone. It has to be about her all the time.” She is also being defiant, especially in public, and ends up crying when she doesn’t get her way. This mom feels her friends and family have cast her as a ‘bad mom’ and wants Janet’s a...

A mom writes that her toddler weaned at 3 years old, but six months later he remains “obsessed with my breasts.” He pokes and squeezes and smushes his face into them. She has tried to give him the message that this is not okay while also trying to be understanding, but he’s getting rougher, and she’s had enough. “This is not fun.” For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet'...

Janet offers feedback to a parent who’s having a disagreement with his spouse about how to respond to their 5-month-old's babbling, which includes "high-pitched coos and zerberts and yelps.” Both parents want to encourage their daughter's communication, and this dad exclaims, "We need a decider!" For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on audio, FREE...

Janet responds to a parent who writes that her 3-year-old son has very strong opinions about her appearance, especially hair and clothing choices. He gets furious when she puts her hair up in a ponytail or bun, and if she defies him, it leads to “epic tantrums and standoffs.” This mom realizes her son’s controlling attitude is probably part of a larger issue and points out, “He has zero opinions a...

Janet responds to an email from the parent of three kids (12, 9 and 3) who has just recently found "Unruffled". She writes: “Your methods and insights have been truly freeing and a paradigm shift in experience for me.” She realizes now that her parenting style has included shaming, inconsistencies, and a negative reaction to her kids’ emotions, and her middle child especially is struggling as a re...

A parent writes that she and her 2-year-old son recently moved in with relatives to escape domestic violence. She describes her son as “a very sweet, empathetic boy,” and says that he has formed good relationships with his relatives. Lately, however, his behavior towards them has changed. “He will punch, hit, and bite” without warning and tells his mother that “he wants to make them sad.” She has...

Janet responds to an email from a parent who’s struggling with how to start setting limits with her 15-month-old. She says she wants to “parent with respect, with a gentle approach and natural consequences,” but her daughter’s constant testing has her feeling exhausted. “And I know the hard stuff is only beginning!” This mom suspects she should have started establishing limits when her daughter wa...

A mother of two (3 and 5 years old) writes that she became a parent “with every intention of validating my children’s emotions and teaching them emotional expression.” Now she feels that perhaps her good intentions have backfired, and that her children’s whining and crying aren’t always genuine but may instead be an act. She says, “It’s as if they play the dramatic role for me, but they can just a...

Janet responds to a question from a parent who’s saddened that her 4-year-old is showing signs of general anxiety. “I’m seeing a pattern of scouting for danger instead of just letting loose and having fun,” she says. She also recognizes this tendency in herself. This mom is wondering if her daughter’s disposition is inherited or learned by modeling, and if there’s anything she could be doing diffe...

Janet speaks with author Maggie Dent about her newest book “Mothering Our Boys” in which she focuses on the common misconceptions we hold about boys and how these perceptions can negatively inform our attitudes and expectations. Maggie is a prolific parenting author and educator who advocates for a healthy, common sense approach to parenting. She is a passionate, positive voice for children of all...

Janet responds to an email from a parent asking how to prepare her 3-year-old for an enormous transition, in this case the arrival of a new sibling. Since her daughter brushes off direct questions about her feelings, this mom has decided she can’t really grasp it yet, but she’s anticipating limits and patience testing. She wants to know: “Is there any way I can help her prepare and make this trans...

Janet responds to an email from a parent who says she feels like a failure when dealing with her two-year-old’s tantrums. She writes: “We’ve been great at heading them off before they begin and recognizing why they’re happening, but we are completely at a loss what to do once we’re stuck with one.” She’s tried several different strategies without success. For more advice on common parenting issues...

Janet responds to a parent whose daughter decided at 4 years old that she didn’t like herself, chopped her hair short and switched out her wardrobe for boys’ clothes. While this mom has tried not to make a big issue of her daughter’s choices, now that she’s 6 years old she admits, “Deep down it bothers me that she seems to want to look like a boy.” She says she loves her daughter dearly and wants...

Janet responds to an email from the exasperated mother of two boys who asks: “What do I do when I find my adorable children genuinely annoying?” She remembers a time when she was happy with them and enjoyed what felt like precious moments, but lately there’s been very little joy in her parenting experience, and she feels that their behavior is exacerbated by her attitude. “It breaks my heart,” she...

Janet responds to a dad who’s feeling guilty for restraining his 3-year old daughter and forcibly brushing her teeth when she refused to do so herself. “I didn’t use hurtful force,” he writes, “but her protestations were so strong that I felt as if I was crossing a boundary.” This dad is wondering if there was another way he might have handled the situation. For more advice on common parenting iss...

Janet responds to a Facebook message from a parent who describes her 6-year-old as argumentative and resistant, and she’s running out of patience. She says, “ I recognize that he is testing limits and trying to establish his voice and independence in the world,” but she has other kids and feels her son’s questioning takes up too much of her time. She wonders if she should be flexible with him, or...

Janet responds to the parent of 8-month-old twins who says they are both very dependent on her, and she gets overwhelmed by her babies “complaining and crying at the same time.” Though she tries to respectfully acknowledge each twin, she worries that she isn’t being successful. The insight and advice Janet offers apply to all family situations, no matter how many children a parent is caring for. F...

A parent writes that her 3-year-old seems to intentionally ignore her when she asks him a question and she has to repeat herself several times. She doesn’t know if he’s misbehaving or if this is a result of his “hyper-focused personality,” and she says she sometimes loses her patience and shouts. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on audio, FREE...

A parent writes that her 5-year-old scratched up her husband’s car with a rock, and the damage will cost thousands of dollars to repair. She and her husband are furious, of course, but they haven’t spoken to their son about the incident yet, and she’s wondering the best way to approach it. “We are both so mad,” she writes, “we don’t know what to do.” For more advice on common parenting issues, ple...