Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Janet responds to an email from a mother who says her husband gets irritated when she acknowledges the feelings of their 16-month-old son. She writes: “He says it feels very patronizing, and that if someone suggested to him what his feelings were, he would get mad.” This mom wonders how to respond to her husband’s attitude and whether she’s using the right language when acknowledging their son’s f...

Janet responds to a mother struggling to moderate her toddler’s enthusiastic, energetic interactions with his 7-month-old sister. She believes that her son means well, but she’s afraid his play is too intense. “I want to encourage sibling play, but how do I get him to understand he can’t play that rough with her?” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's...

A dad is perplexed about how to best support his son when he gets hurt. “I have always tried to give him the space and freedom to express his emotions,” he writes, but lately his son has been rejecting support and insisting through tears that he is not hurt. This dad isn’t sure how to handle it. “I want him to know he can express his emotions in a safe way.” For more on common infant/toddler paren...

A parent who works full time writes that her toddler son has recently become extremely clingy and whiny when she comes home. She knows that he’s testing her but doesn’t feel she handles it well, and she sometimes loses her cool. “I’m totally lost,” she says. “I’m very upset and feel I’m a bad mother.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amaz...

The mother of a 2.5-year-old writes that her boy gets frustrated easily when he attempts new things, and then gets angry and “demands I do it for him.” She says she tries to be encouraging and accepting of his emotions, but she wants to know if Janet has any suggestions on how she might communicate more effectively with her son. For more on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out...

A mom writes that she’s recently noticed her 2.5-year-old avoids looking her in the eye -- as if she’s ashamed. She’s worried that her stern lecturing and irritation when setting limits has damaged her daughter’s spirit, and she wants to know if it’s too late to make reparations. For more on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's audio series SESSIONS, her recorded consul...

Janet responds to an email from the mother of an almost-3-year-old boy who has started asking if she is happy, usually after he’s done something wrong. This mom admits that she does freely show her emotions “because I think that is a healthy thing,” but she doesn’t want her son to be so concerned about her reactions and moods. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check...

A mother writes that she and her husband are frustrated that they can’t share a peaceful meal with their toddler. They’ve tried a number of different set-ups, but their son ends up throwing tantrums and food. “I don’t enjoy meals,” this mom says, and she’s looking for a new approach. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (ht...

Janet responds to two mothers who share a common challenge: giving their small children necessary medications that are unpleasant or painful. Both mothers are caring and respectful, but both are struggling. One mother believes, “I’m definitely doing something wrong here.” The other wonders, “How do I speak to my baby when I’m doing something that hurts, but is necessary?” For more on common infant...

Janet answers a question from the mother of a four-month-old who says she is having trouble getting her husband on the same page when it comes to independent play. He doesn’t see the baby much, so when he does, he wants to engage “face-to-face, total stimulation and entertainment.” While she empathizes with her husband’s desire, she also worries that he’s undercutting one of her basic parenting pr...

A mom who’s been carrying her 5-month-old on her back is now trying to get her daughter to spend time playing on her own. So far, it isn’t working for either of them, and this mom is frustrated and looking for solutions. “My back would adore a break,” she writes. “And I want her to be the happiest, most confident baby she can be.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please c...

A mother confides to Janet that she is concerned that her son’s roughhousing on the playground has become too aggressive. “I don’t want to label,” she writes, “but this looks like the beginnings of future bullying behavior to me.” She’s alarmed by her son’s aggressiveness, and her instinct is to intervene, yet she wonders if she’s overreacting. For more advice on common parenting issues, please ch...

A mother writes that she has been using a pacifier in certain instances to soothe her 7-month-old daughter but has mixed feelings about it. She says that she really appreciates that the pacifier “gives me some space… some possibility to relax,” but she is also concerned that it may be “a stopper of feelings.” She would like to know Janet’s thoughts. For more on common infant and toddler issues, pl...

A mother believes that her 4-year-old’s best friend is a bad influence. She feels her daughter has adopted this friend’s behaviors and attitudes that are exclusionary and bullying towards other children. She wants to trust her daughter to choose her own friends but admits, “I really have come to dislike this child.” Check out Janet's new audio series SESSIONS, her recorded consultations with paren...

The mother of a 14-month-old writes that she aspires to be a respectful parent, but her living situation presents some physical dangers for an active toddler, and lately she finds herself swatting his hand. “I feel torn between two worlds," she says. "Is there any place in gentle parenting for a hand swat?” For more on toddler discipline and specific parenting issues, please check out Janet's new...

Janet responds to a question from her Facebook page from the mother of a 20-month-old who’s started to show his dissatisfaction with various situations by screaming, crying, and in some cases hitting. This mom says she typically handles it “by talking through his frustration with him," and she's wondering if there's more she could be doing to support him. For more advice on common infant/toddler p...

Janet responds to an email from a mother who says her “strong-willed, super clingy toddler” has gotten into the habit of incessantly asking her for anything and everything in sight. This mom says that even if she gives her the thing she wants, her daughter will then demand a different object. “It is driving me crazy.” For more on demanding toddlers and specific parenting issues, please check out J...

The mother of a 4-year-old says her son wants to stay and play with his friend after school, and when she says it’s time to go, he either runs away or she leaves with him screaming. She admits that she struggles with setting limits and wonders how she can be more successful in avoiding this daily drama. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Am...

Janet responds to a mother who says whenever her 10-month-old gets together with her best friend’s 2.5-year-old, the older child “hits, punches, pushes, and grabs toys” from her son. She says she feels guilty for letting her boy get pushed around, but she doesn’t want to insult her friend or “pretend I know anything about parenting by intervening in the conflict.” She asks Janet how she would resp...

A mother writes that she “feels like a failure” for having provided constant stimulation to her baby. Now 4 years old, she says her son lacks self-confidence. She describes him as insecure, easily embarrassed, and reluctant to try new things, which she blames on herself for having “dictated” his play as a baby. She doesn’t know what to do and is looking for advice. For more advice on common infant...

A mother who has tried to raise her 22-month-old daughter with a sense of confidence and independence says that since her mother-in-law moved into the house, her daughter has become “the epitome of dependent… clingy, whiny and stubborn.” She believes this new household dynamic is undermining her as a parent and “has ruined my girl.” For more of Janet's respectful care advice, please check out her...

An almost-3-year-old who seemed to have made the transition to using a toilet has started wetting his pants and peeing on the floor. His mom is confused (and annoyed) because she says he doesn't have “accidents” when he’s out and about, even for an entire day. She’s wondering why this is happening all of a sudden and why only at home. For more on transitions and other common parenting issues, plea...

The mother of an almost-4-year-old asks Janet if she’s responding appropriately to her daughter’s recent questions about death. She is trying to be open and honest and respectful of her daughter’s feelings, but she also doesn’t want her to “think or worry more about this than she should… I want her to be happy and not be scared of dying so much.” For more on other common parenting issues, please c...

A mom writes to describe her 13-month-old’s first tantrum, saying that after several gentle and respectful attempts to manage the situation, she “froze and didn't know what to do.” She’s wondering how she might have handled the situation differently so she can be better prepared for the inevitable ‘next time’. For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's book...

A mother writes that her 3-year-old was told that he could no longer bring his security blanket to preschool. The director of the school said that her son needed to "learn some independence from his blanket” and also suggested that “maybe he isn’t mature enough for preschool.” This mom is understandably upset. She fundamentally disagrees with the school’s director on a number of levels and has wri...