Respected & Connected: Practical Conversations for Couples Who Want Real Partnership

Not all relationship conflict can be resolved and when that becomes the goal, your relationship is headed to conflict gridlock. In this episode, we talk with Gottman Therapist Laura Silverstein about two kinds of relationship conflict. Some conflict can be resolved, and some problems are perpetual. For perpetual problems, the skill of managing conflict with openness and curiosity is your key to ma...

When you approach your partner with a need, do they respond openly or do they close off? This week's guest Dianne Presley joins me to talk about sharing needs in a way that invites collaboration instead of competition. She uses the CPR formula for sharing a need: C – Compliment P – State the Problem R – Make a Request Sometimes these formulas don't work because: Compliments are only given when a r...

Who gets the final say when you and your partner disagree? In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Gottman calls the ability to discuss and decide as a team "Accepting Influence." Bruce Pagano joins me on this episode to share his personal experience navigating this issue as well as his professional insights as a couples therapist. Bruce shares, "For me, I had to really learn to just be q...

In satisfying relationships, people look for ways to connect with each other all the time. Gottman calls this a bid for connection. Sometimes bids are obvious, like reaching out to hold hands, and other times they may be so subtle that they aren't even recognized as an attempt to connect. When a bid to connect is received, one can acknowledge the bid and turn toward the bidder, turn away, or turn...

We can mentally rehearse positive things about our partner's qualities or we can rehearse annoying, irritating, and negative things about their personality. Choosing to find and focus on what you like and admire about your partner is the key to nurturing affection and closeness in your relationship. In this week's episode, Estrella Rogers (aka "Miss Star") and I talk about why it's so important to...

The foundation of a relationship is friendship. Gottman's Principle "Enhance Your Love Map" is basically an ongoing effort to know your partner and get a glimpse into their inner world. Using the map analogy, some people only have a very general understanding of another person. They know the basics, but not the details. As you get to know your partner more deeply you will each feel more valued, ap...

Most of us try and resolve conflict in the worst possible moment – when emotion is high and cognition is low. This high emotion, low cognition state is defined by Gottman as flooding. When either partner is flooded, staying in the conversation will only escalate the conflict. This week on the podcast, Julie Benoit joins me to talk about flooding and what makes us vulnerable to flooding. Listen to...

Brooke Rasmussen, a fellow Gottman Educator and mother of 7 is on the podcast this week to talk about the Four Horsemen, the four most common attitudes and behaviors that harm relationships. These horsemen show up even in healthy relationships, but when you're struggling the Four Horsemen seem to take over: Criticism – when a complaint becomes a personal attack on your partner Contempt – when you...

According to Dr. John Gottman, most relationship therapy fails because the therapy is focused solely on helping a couple improve their communication, using a commonly accepted communication technique called active listening. Since Mario and I have seen so many therapists (ahem...at least 6) in our 9-year marriage, we feel particularly qualified to take on these 7 marriage myths that Gottman has de...

A review of the first 6 months of podcasting here at the Keep Talking Revolution.  What's happened since the podcast was launched and what is coming up? Looking back: I started working with my first private couples clients. Now that the nervousness has faded, I'm seeing that coaching couples is not so different than coaching individuals.  I re-launched community calls. I love connecting with women...

Drama is great for TV, but it wreaks havoc on relationships.  In this week's episode, I share three common roles we play in a drama dynamic and what you can do to ditch the drama and create more loving partnerships. It all starts with vulnerability. As Brene Brown says, " Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up even when you can't control the outcome." When...

Have you ever opened up about something you were struggling with only to find out that everyone else was feeling the same? The funny thing about human nature is that we don't often realize just how normal the things we don't talk about are. In this episode, I share six things that are challenging, but VERY NORMAL in romantic relationships. It's normal to react negatively when you feel threatened…a...

You can't partner and parent at the same time. In this episode, I talk with Daniel Adams – the premiere relationship coach in the marketplace for connective sex, fulfilling intimacy, doubling your revenue, and most importantly growing creative confidence. We talk about why it's so easy to fall into a mother/little boy dynamic with your partner, the disconnecting impact that this has on relationshi...

Bringing up disappointments, missed expectations, and unmet needs is hard for nearly all of us. But for some relationships, it's almost impossible. In this week's episode, I share a few tips for getting more cooperation and agreement when it's time to bring up these tough topics. Get the full shownotes and links to resources mentioned at https://keeptalkingrevolutionpodcast.com/ep-25

What's the self-talk in your head? If you go to a mirror and speak out loud the same words to yourself, is it something you would repeat to someone else? About 5 1/2 years ago, Dr. Lori Monaco hit rock bottom at 46 years old. She had to restart financially, personally, and in her career. At one point, she considered suicide. She decided that her life was worth living and started to work on herself...

What happens when a tiny disagreement or misunderstanding turns into a huge fight? Usually, at least one of you is assuming the worst of the other. It's easy for this to happen in our close relationships because our history is long and deep. If you assume negative intent, your focus is on fixing the person instead of the problem. There is a victim/villain story playing out and the best you can get...

When Celia was in college she started to recognize the ways that she was apologizing for taking up space. She started an experiment where she decided to stop apologizing. This isn't a story about failing to acknowledge our faults and shortcomings. It's a story of empowering ourselves and our relationships with more intentional communication. Celia shares – What happens when we say sorry, what to s...

Do you own your wants and needs and ask for them directly, or do you spend a lot of time trying to earn the care that you need by being everything to everyone? In this episode, Sharon shares how she made the transition from trying to earn the care she needed, to openly sharing her wants and needs. Sharon shares a simple phrase that can be used when expressing your needs to avoid the habit of tryin...

This week's guest on the podcast is Margot Zaher. Margot came on the podcast to share her tips for having more empowered conversations. Get the full shownotes and links to resources mentioned at https://keeptalkingrevolutionpodcast.com/ep-20

Hard conversations are rarely resolved in a single event. When you have a linear approach to communicating, it can be very frustrating when those blow-up, suck it up, or walk away moments happen.  However, when you follow the 5 parts of the Keep Talking Framework, you have all the time you need to correct misunderstandings, think through unexpected responses, and continue along a productive path. ...

Before you start a win/win conversation, you need to know who your partner is and why he is responding the way he does. Or at least be open to considering that the story you're telling yourself might not be true. Why is it so easy to skip this step? As human beings, we are wired to protect ourselves and our views, even at the expense of our relationships. When you approach a conversation with judg...

It's common to try and solve problems and communicate without first getting to know exactly what we want to communicate and why. This leads to confusion and resistance from our partner. In this episode we talk about: Why it can be so hard for women to turn inward and reflect on what they want and need.  Why it's essential to reflect on what you want and don't want and why. How to get a clearer pic...

Looking for some advice to improve a situation in your relationship? Most people will tell you: You have to get mad. No one listens until you lose it and let them know you're serious. Just tolerate it. This is what marriage is and this is how men are. Time to look for another man. Your relationship is obviously broken beyond repair. All of this advice is BS. You can solve problems, communicate mor...

How to talk to your partner about sex, especially when you want something to change, starts with understanding yourself. Dr. Melissa Ming Foynes shares great insights and tips for communicating with your partner about your sexual preferences.  Do an inventory about what you want. Prioritize what's most important or what seems easiest to talk about. What do you want to result of the conversation to...

Is it possible to talk about your sexual preferences and desires without being feeling awkward and uncomfortable? Melissa Ming Foynes, a licensed psychologist and host of the Science & Soul of Living Well Podcast says it starts by looking inward and getting clear within ourselves about what we actually want sexually. We discuss: The conditioning and high emotional charge that can create difference...