Regular Features

You know 'Netflix & Chill', ye? What about if someone said 'Netflix and CHILCOT'. Can that be an entire podcast? Well, we'll just have to see.

This week has been rubbish. It was hard to do this but we thought we'd clear out all our sadness ready for the live show. Come and be sad with us.

Log and Matt solve everything wrong with the world of politics in the Regular Features EU Referendum special. We also probably alienate about 50% of the country, but fuck it.

We keep giving a platform to regular guest Joe Skrebels and he keeps showing us up by being brilliant. What an arsehole.

Steve eats butterflies and bees LIVE ON STAGE, Log hugs a man forever, Matt has written some weird shit about staplers, and Gav invents the prank phonecall. Watch the Video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-k42ge02fY

The indomitable Matt and his wretched friends strike again. Log tells us about what if dogs were in charge of a cafe. Steve knows all of the names of wild garlic and refuses to share. And through brute force of imagination Matt conjures a world in which yoga is like Pokemon gyms.

Open your Thermos and pour yourself a cup of hot Jesus soup - you're one slimy nudge away from listening to Episode 192 of Regular Features! Gav records a conversation on a bus in which there are no heroes, Steve reprises an episode of that TV show that's on those box set ads at the moment, and Log does a Trump in an attempt to curry dick-favour with another gay podcaster. So saith the Lord!

This week Log was at a funeral, and Matt was worried that he might shit himself so we basically couldn't do a podcast episode. But it's OK, let's just bathe in the glory of the man known as LOG, for reasons which continue to be largely unsatisfying.

Do you like books? If you like books so much, why don't you fuckin marry one? Haha. Did you hear what I said, lads? I said they should marry a book? Nah, they didn't have a clue what hit 'em. Idiots.

This week's episode was best described by Gav as "essentially a man melting on stage and still managing to be brilliant." Team Features roll onto stage at the end of a Bank Holiday Monday, unsurprisingly a little worse for wear. Wonderful/shambolic. Apologies for the audio quality this week - the setup at the venue wasn't up to scratch - but the reverb does get better later in the show. Watch on Y...

IT'S NOT A JOKE. IT'S TWO WORDS THAT SOUND SIMILAR. Matt brings his first ever Game of Thrones script *in this context*, Log teaches us all the manners we'll ever need, and Gav gives us a cutting edge report from the very brink of celebrity. What's that in your pocket? It is us!

Matt brings the Anglican, Steve brings a partial Mowgli, and Log brings a feature so singular bad that he has to obscure it and add a second feature in post. Now if you'll excuse me, I can smell kidneys, and I need to ask someone if that's a symptom of a disease

Matt updates Gav on a bit of missed business, Gav explains that he knows about wrestling by asking the other boys some questions, and Steve sings a number of songs about whales.

Log invents The Joe-Down, Steve invents Wrestling, Joe invents Murder, and Matt invents Weddings. Everyone has a nice time, and then goes downstairs for a nice drink.

Look, we're full-grown adults with big boy jobs - you CANNOT expect us to know the difference between LITTLE Mo and BIG Mo. We've got a lot on. Shut up.

Matt has been to virtual worlds, Steve has been to the actual world, and Log deals with emotional complexity in the only way he's apparently able.

His hair has launched a thousand ships and his hands have wanked a thousand dicks. Without him, we would be lost in a sea of immaturity and the podcast would only be 33-and-a-bit percent straight and we can't have that. That's how they win. This is the best of Matt Lees as voted for by our loyal patrons who chuck money at us every episode.

Log has been roughed up something rotten, Steve has some puns about Morrissey, Gav went to a theme park where they shove rubber piping up your bum-hole, and Matt has turned into Guy Ritchie. Watch the video version here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1lbM3S-AKI&feature=youtu.be

Steve imagines a world in which we are firemens, Matt imagines a world in which the queen fabricates Russian-guage rail from her anus, and Log fails to write a Kinky Boots feature and tries to have a conversation instead

It's Log. It's Steve. It's Log and Steve. The two of them. Together! Just having fun and talking out loud. There's a bit about Pret, and there's a bit about Hitler's moustache, and there's a belated sad story from Steve. And the cobbywobby man returns. It's all in here!

What's that thing where people go on stage and read out bits from their old diaries and cry while getting laughed at? This is like that but more pathetic.

Matt has a quiz about pancake facts, Gav is a victim of profiling on a plane, and Log wins an award for having the UK's best pub sign.

Matt has a breakfast-based tribute to Wogan, Steve has a new job, Gav has a hot chilli, and Log has discovered a link to the afterlife. That's Regular Features. Watch the show in video form, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CN_Hx3DWrvU

Where is the truth? Who wants the truth? Come and get a bottle of warm truth!

This week's episode contains scenes of incompetence which may be alarming or distressing to young children. Please take care when ingesting this episode.