Regular Features

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but have you heard about what birds are doing to themselves? Do you want that going on in your hand? If you close your fist, you don't know what's happening in there, that bird could be up to all sorts, and you wouldn't know. That's why they call it Schrödinger's Bird - because that bird is doing something to its dinger and you can be Schrö you don't kn...

They really buried the lede with "Jack and the Bean Stalk". Yeah sure it's an impressive stalk, but hello, there's an actual giant man who lives in a cloud castle on top of the world?? Should have called it "Jack and the Giants Are Real and They Are Squatting in A Violent Heaven Forsaken By God". In this episode, Log pitches some hot new Pragmata DLC, Gav has a shocking interaction with a customer...

Joe can't stand the attention a 100 year-old is getting. Matt can't stand up, because his microphone is simply too low. Log can't stand down from his duty to inform you about horsebook.

Are YOU afraid of Paris? Are YOU afraid of the A1(M)? Are YOU afraid of poorly executed jingle work? Well don't YOU have fat luck, because this episode is going to cause you to faint, die, come back to life, and then die again when you remember what just happened. "Gregorian Chant" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.or...

This week Log discovers audio books, Steve's had a camera up his arse and Gav could do with a camera in his brain. DISCLAIMER: the hosts of Regular Features are NOT doctors so please don't listen to their medical advice no matter how adamant they are that you DO listen to it.

What's that in your mouth? Drop it! Give it here. Oh, it's an episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Log gives Bill Oddie his flowers, Joe treats us to a day in the life of a ghost-face killer, and Steve shares his numerous gripes of which there are loads actually.

This episode of Regular Features is funded in part by the British Associate of Uncles (BAU), because if it's not your mother's brother, well what the hell are we even doing here. In this one, Joe's got robot hoover problems, Log wants to know who's gonna push him around in his wheelbarrow when he's old, and Steve gets to know a former Chancellor what done disappeared because nobody remember to bel...

Hello this is the news. In the past hour United Nations has announced that we have flopped through a temporal squirmhole into the rotten Time Dimension, and that we had better get used to living under the autocratic regime of supreme leader Doctor Time and his dope calendars. In this episode of the podcast, Steve dives into the good doctor's rude past, Gav tests our song intro knowledge, and Joe m...

To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? The answer is that it is a dog who, just before 12pm, decides to pretend to be a human so that it can buy cigarettes. Later that day, it hardens one of the cigarettes with wax, and uses it as a crutch because its hind legs are so sore. Anyway, I've be...

2026! The future! What will it bring? Cool-ass sunglasses probably?? According to the thumbnail of this podcast - yes! But also, here's another edition of our RAMBLEMAS tradition where we record solo features and whack em all together like a podcast frankenstein.

Yuletide, I'll tide, we'll all tide, for yuletide. That's the Regular Features promise to you, on this, the most Jesus day of the Formula 1 race calendar. On this day in 1952, our lord and saviour got born out of a forgotten easter egg in Bethlehem. And lo did he look upon his flock and say "humpdaaaaay". And when they did say to Jesus, "lord, humpday was yesterday", Christ did say unto them, "hum...

This one was recorded in person so we got 1. very excited and 2. very naughty. No presents for us this year hahahahahdds

I'm sick! I'm so sick! I'm being sick! *BLUUURGH* I just vomited out Joe's will! *BAAAAARF* Oh, out comes some Google reviews Steve saw! *GLOOORP* And that's Log's dog walk adventures. I think it's all out now, I think I'm OK now- *GAAAAAARP*

In this episode, something's got under Steve's skin, something's got out of Log's bottom, and something's threatening to explode in Joe's mouth. It's very much a "well that's certainly something" kind of an episode. And will we apologise for that? Yes, actually. Sorry. "Prelude in C" / "Unseen Horrors" / "Wholesome" Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons...

Do you think Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger ever had a magic act where Pliny the Elder would climb into a big wooden box with whatever the Latin is for "PLINY THE ELDER'S DE-AGING DEVICE" written on it. Then Pliny the Younger would jump out of the box and say "behold, it is I, Pliny the Elder but younger. But you may call me simply Pliny." Then William Pitt, who had been watching from backs...

I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. Elsewhere, Joe gets into advertising (again), Matt's been watching strangers on the beach (again), and Log regales us with tales from the life of man who sells fish in pubs (unique). P.S. You're a bee.

When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and forwards and getting confused", my grandmother used to put a hand on my shoulder and say "more haste, less speed". I looked her square in the eye and said "oh my god you mad hag everyone knows time = distance / speed, that is the most stupid thing I've...

Oh my goodness, you STINK. Get in the bath immediately. I cannot BELIEVE how often I have to scrub the stink off of you in this bath. Urgh, first I need to scrape off this outer layer of Gavin, who has clearly been equating figures of Irish renown with NFL offensive positions. Oh, and what do we have under here? A Steve feature about his washing machine I shouldn't doubt. And, oh god, I've been si...

Take a little pinch of Regular, and a heaped teaspoon of Features. Pre-heat the oven. Sorry I was supposed to tell you to do that first. Unpinch the Regular and tip the Features back into the Feature Scuttle. Now that your hands are free, pre-heat the oven. Okay. Now you can repinch the Regular, add a heaped teaspoon of Features. Hold on. There was supposed to be greaseproof paper somewhere. Sorry...

Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".

Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know. In this episode, Steve has an update from the British Podcast Awards. Log measures our pride with a capital pee. And Matt talks about chairs for what seems like ages, but turns out is only about 12 minutes. Okay here we go.

We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these years and for keeping this runaway train of nonsense chugging along and stocked up with coal. (the coal is likes and iTunes reviews and the track is Patreon money fyi)

Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single nod from a brute would be enough to butter my teacakes and make my shadow scurry up my garters, ahhh doooo believe. Ahh rahhllyy achsually dooooo if you don't mind. In this episode, Joe introduces me to the fine and upstanding gentlemen of this podca...

Open wide, it's time for podcasts. In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Steve invites us on a tour of Candyman's factory, and Log lists the animals of his local city farm that have displeased him.

Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds AND uncles. So come on down to this episode. The uncles and birds are waiting... for you?? In this episode, Joe shows off his criminal underbelly. Log learns to speak the ancient language of beak. And Steve feeds so many damn birds. Now scoot!