Redemptive Living Radio

In this final episode of season #4 - we talk about the importance of him validating the totality of her experience - not just what she has experienced since D-day but before then as well.  Here is what we know - women need validation (as they look in the rear view mirror) and view everything as catastrophic before they can look back and see anything that is good.   During our conversation - we tak...

On this episode we have our VERY special and FIRST guest on our podcast, Elizabeth!  She is one of our amazing coaches here at Redemptive Living for Women.  I'm so excited to share our conversation, as I want all of you women out there to know there is hope for you, whether your marriage survives or not.   Elizabeth paints word pictures for us as we discuss her journey of the past five years.  Fro...

In this episode we wanted to talk about what to do when he chooses not to do the work.  Warning:  we get off track a lot.  We start with talking about contradictions in the Bible - for instance:   Ephesians 4:26  says - Don't let the sun go down on your anger.  However,  Psalm 4:4  says - be angry yet don't sin.  Think about it overnight and remain silent.  Contradictions.   This applies to the be...

Hi all! We're a little behind on recording, so our next new episode will be out next friday.

In this episode, we talk about how hard it is for her as she is wondering:  is he doing recovery work?  Or not? Some of the things women wonder about: is he cheating on me today? what if he is just checking the box? is he really living with integrity when I am not around? is he actually applying what we are investing time and money to learn? what is he doing when he isn't with me? is he standing u...

We start this episode with a big announcement - the 2nd RLW retreat will be in Scottsdale, AZ October 6th-9th.  I really hope you will consider joining me!  Ticket sales go live on July 2nd but we will be opening up tickets to the wait list prior to this date.   Click here to join the waitlist. We then get sidetracked talking about some of our favorite restaurants in the Scottsdale area:   The Far...

In this episode, we talk about all things forgiveness.  This is one of my favorite topics in the betrayal recovery realm and I realize that we are just barely skimming the surface here.     I start with sharing a bit of my forgiveness story, just to give all you listeners a bit of context on where I am coming from.  Bottom line:  initially I saw forgiveness as THE solution and so my second run at...

In this episode, we talk about what to do when he is pressuring her to have sex.  We chose to look at this through the lens of desiring for change, healing, and care for her.  Bottom line - if he is putting pressure on her to have sex - it''s a signal of something deeper going on within him that needs to be explored.   We do a lot of talking and ultimately identify and discuss:     1 - The tells t...

In this episode, we talk about when he is withholding sex during recovery.  While this might not be as common as men that will hypersexualize their wives, it's still something that we see and it's important to give space to this piece of the puzzle because it is INCREDIBLY painful and confusing for her. We start with talking about the underpinnings of withholding sex.  Jason gives five different r...

Okay you guys - this was another really hard episode to record.  We started in our podcast studio (aka my office) and then had to move to our bedroom.  Upon setting up camp in our bedroom, we kept getting interrupted - by a puppy, by our children, by a vacuum cleaner.  Thank goodness for Mary and Christa, our podcast producers - I am sure they had their work cut out for them on this one.   In this...

In this episode - our special guest is struggling at the beginning of the episode.  It doesn't last long, thank goodness.  Hang tight during the first couple of minutes.  As for what we talk about:  it's all about mid recovery.  Such an incredibly important part of the process - it will determine whether you survive versus whether you thrive.    We start by clarifying the difference between early-...

In this episode - we give a  quick recap of episode #38  (since it's the foundation) and then dig into more of the practicalities of rebuilding trust.  Here are five things we focus on:   - It's the little things, not just the big ticket things that matter.   - Your personal positives can't outweigh the relational positives.   - Showing it's on your mind more than it's on hers.   - When it's the h...

In this episode - we talk about one facet of rebuilding trust.  Jason mentions that the lack of trust for her is rooted in fear.  I struggle with this (as you will hear at the beginning of the episode) because it feels like the issue is on her (ladies - I am here for you and standing up for YOU).  Once we get over that hump - here are several things he can do to love the fear out of her:   - Trust...

In this episode - we talk about sexual intimacy post-betrayal.  Here are just a couple of the things we discuss: - Allow it to be wonky and work toward decreasing the pressure to make this part of the relationship perfect - as I (Shelley) mention in the podcast - let it be life work. - We discuss frequency - should it be every 72 hours?  What about depriving one another ( see 1 Corinthians 7:5 )?...

In this episode, we are going to skim the surface on how we as adults can protect our children from exposure to pornography.  Please know that this isn't a space where we need to judge each other but rather where we can link arms and help each other protect our children.  Here are the high points: What is so very important is to be talking about it - we expound on this in the episode and talk a bi...

We start with a very quick appliance update even if Jason thinks nobody cares.  I know otherwise! As for the episode:  Does your husband or x-husband tell you there is no reason to talk about the sexual integrity issue because he doesn't struggle anymore?  This is something we hear quite often and it sends red flags off in my (Shelley's) head in a major way.  We unpack how this impacts her (it can...

Okay, so let me first say - this episode was HARD to record.  We had a ton of technical issues and didn't realize not once, twice but THREE times that our recorder STOPPED recording WITHOUT us knowing until 10-15 minutes later. BUT we persevered and we hope something in here speaks to you! We wanted to chat about what it looks like when we come to a crossroad in recovery where we have to choose wh...

In this week's episode, we are thrilled to have a special guest with us - our new puppy, Pluto!  He was a great assistant throughout our recording.  We are happy to update you on our dryer as well as Shelley's continued choices to wear clothing from two decades ago.  Moving onto more important things - we talk this week about dealing with intrusive thoughts during the recovery process, in particul...

In this week's episode, we talk about what it looks like to provide reassurance in the recovery process.  Sometimes we as wives will ask questions like - "Is everything okay?", "what is going on?", "are you okay?".  Men in the recovery process might see this more as an invitation to "dump" or even an indictment when what she really needs is reassurance of his integrity, the recovery process and ho...

In this week's episode, we talk about our broken dryer, broken vacuum cleaner and how I (Shelley) still wear my athletic gear from two decades ago.  Don't worry, that only lasts a couple of minutes and then we get down to business and dig into what can be done when either during the disclosure process or after (when she is processing and asking questions) - what to do when he doesn't remember cert...

In this week's episode, we talk about the heart behind Full Disclosure.  Specifically common misconceptions, who it benefits, what it's for, etc.  We didn't want to go into a ton of the logistics of the Full Disclosure process (although we might do this at some point in another episode) - instead, we really wanted to focus on the heart behind the Full Disclosure. Here are a couple of the things we...

In this week's episode, we continue with a couple of other listener questions. Get ready for me to not answer Jason's questions and push back on some of what he is saying - he handles me well. Here are a couple of the things we discuss:  - Is it possible to enjoy television as a couple?  - Could it be true that he has no idea he may be staring at other women in public? - Boundaries to put into pla...

In this week's episode, we address listener questions. Specifically, we address the possibility of enjoying a beach/pool day without it being triggering (which is the only listener question we got to because it was just too good!).  Early on, or even ten years into the process, this can be SO difficult. We discuss a few tips on how to approach a beach/pool day which include: seeing others (& ourse...

In this week's episode we are going to talk about what it looks like to heal from Acting In / Intimacy Aversion. Remember, Acting In consists of  the techniques he uses  to push her away in order to protect himself. Jason talks to husbands about what it looks like for him to stop acting in.  Shelley gives three strategies to help wives protect themselves in the midst of his acting in and thus star...